Ellis Hobbs. He's the defensive back for the Philidelphia Eagles. The Eagles are a pretty obscure team in my mind, but I was watching it tonight because I've taken a growing interest in football ever since I watched the Bears beat the Packers in September. Tonight, Mr. Hobbs sustained a neck injury, and I watched it all go down. As I was watching him I felt so bad because I could really relate!
When I fell, (nearly three weeks ago), a lot of people were watching me. I spent about 15 or 20 seconds trying to figure out how to get down, when the sweat on my palms caused me to lose grip. By that time, a small crowd had gathered around where I was climbing & I was drawing the attention of quite a few people around me. So, when I fell, some people screamed & such - it's scarily vivid in my brain. Could you imagine having an entire stadium, and a whole state watching you while you get hurt?! Ugh. No thank you. I also felt bad for him because he wanted to get back up, but those paramedics, man, they mean business. No can do. It's hard for me to sit still, and I was wiggling my head around; I kept getting yelled at by the guys who were taking me in. I knew at the time that I hadn't hurt anything above my kneecaps, but they had to make sure. I actually got strapped to one of those board-things. And ride in an ambulance. A life dream. I'm so thankful not to have any neck or back injuries. None, whatsoever - it's amazing, isn't it.
Tonight, I was able to attend my little sister's orchestra concert. She plays the violin, and it always fabulous to hear her play. We went to this teeny tiny place called the "Raue". We went with my grandma, who is able to walk in large crowds with the assistance of a walker. My dad said, "We've got one who can't stand up, and one who can't sit down"...it's true. It was comical. My parents were like ringleaders in a circus. It was a big deal. So, I get wheeled into the lobby of the Raue, and everybody is dressed up for this performance. It's amazing how quickly people notice the wheelchair, and the loopy looking chick in pajama pants. I get so embarassed when people stare at me. I don't know why I'm so self-concious, I always have been. And now my legs are up in the air all of the time. People can see my toes, and they are orange.
And they stared. One usher followed us around everywhere. He really, really wanted to help. He actually was giving my dad advice on how to push the chair, and to "not go to fast", and "oh, we're okay". As we passed each person, I just couldn't help but laugh. Now I'm the loopy chick in a wheelchair, in pajama pants that's laughing to herself. I want people to know that I'm happy to be where I am, and a smile is the quickest way to communicate that. I like smiling. A lot of old people are particularly interested in why I'm "chaired", and I like old people too. I just mouth, "Rock climbing", and everyone nods in understanding. I feel like people are nicer to me, and more patient when I'm in it. It's so bizzare. And, I'm pretty sure I'm not just making all of this up. I have witnesses. But, what I really want to communicate is that I trust in a God who is in control, and that I have joy, even when it feels like an elephant is standing on my feet. And, unfortunately, tonight it did because I forgot to take my nerve pill this afternoon. (It's those stinkin' naps!)
Sometimes I wonder what Jesus did to attract so much attention. Like, do you think he had an angelic glow everywhere he went? I don't think his beard was exceptionally long, or that he had huge feet. His clothes were run-of-the-mill carpenter's clothes. Maybe he smelled like wood? (A good mosquito repellant...) The cross necklace hadn't been invented yet, so he wasn't dangling some Flavor Flav bling. He did travel with a large group of men; maybe they were noisy? I seriously think people were drawn to Jesus because of his posture in life. He was humble, but he was confident in who he was created to be. He was full of compassion, but he carried the truth. He was welcoming, and gentle, especially to little kids.
Matthew talks about the "crowd" in chapter 14. "When Jesus heard what had happened [his cousin John had been killed], he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."
I can't imagine needing to get away to be alone with God, and not being able to. I would get so frustrated with the people that were following me around. I'd freak out at people staring at me; "What are you lookin' at?" Instead Jesus looks at the crowd of scared, lonely, angry, and unsensitive people (who might be looking at him in criticism and curiosity, waiting to see his next miracle), and he has compassion on them.
I'm not saying that I need to walk around piously next time I go out in public. I use walk loosely. Usually the compassionate stare is directed at me. And, I am blessed with the time and ability to be able to withdraw to solitary places for chunks of time, and I'm thankful for that. The pressure isn't as great for me...I can still hide in my mini-van drinking a soy hot chocolate with no whip from the Bucks. But, the connection that I made was that instead of shrinking back because people stare at me, I want to be like Jesus. I want to communicate him to the people around me, even though they might be staring in judgement. Instead of getting frustrated or freaking out, I want to see people the way that Jesus sees people: with compassion.
