Castgirl.

Tomorrow will officially be my last day as Catie the Castgirl.  I'm getting my left cast off in the morning!  Yippee!  Goodbye candy cane, hello funky looking leg.  I'm trying to mentally prepare myself because when my right cast came off my leg was super-skinny, and very gangly looking.  Imagine what this one will be like.  Ha ha!  I promise I'll take pictures.  I won't post them for a while, so as not to freak you out.

Hopefully the doctor will not have to put another cast on, although this is a possibility.  I sometimes wonder because my left leg is still a little sore from time to time.  Probably because I wiggle it around too much.

I'm very excited, and very nervous at the same time.  I can't tell you how many times a day I bump my cast on things.  I'm such a klutz, and I recall my right leg feeling quite vulnerable a few weeks ago without its warm, snuggly home.  And, yes, my legs have feelings.  I haven't named them yet, but I'm considering it.  All I know is that they have grown accustomed to their new little houses over the last couple of months, and it's hard for them to part with their abodes.

It's amazing to me how quickly my legs are healing.  The reality of walking again is slowly becoming more and more real.  It's overwhelming actually.  I find myself feeling nervous just about standing again, let alone the chain of events that will fall into place after that.   My friend reminded me tonight of something I said the other day.  She asked me how to use my family's coffee maker, and I told her that I didn't know how.  I hadn't seen the buttons used before I fell, and from my vantage point, I'm not really able to see them at all.  I was no help to her whatsoever.  Luckily, it didn't explode.  Crisis averted.

I'm looking forward to seeing things from a new perspective once again.  It has been refreshing to see things from a child's perspective in the grocery store.  And down the toy aisle.  To see things from my dogs' perspective.  To see things from the perspective of someone who is little, just in general.  And to see things from the perspective of someone who is in a wheelchair 24-7.

Being physically lowered down has been such a great experience for me: it's humbling, for sure.  It has taught me humility and reliance on others.  I can't reach many of the cupboards in our house, and I rely greatly on those willing to lend a hand.  Literally.  I'm at the mercy of those around me.  This has been a challenging position to be, for sure, but one that I am thankful for.  Not all people who are in wheelchairs are this dependent on others, and I am certainly not saying that they are "beneath" anyone else.  Just to clarify.  I have great admiration for the many people I have met who are unable to walk, and I look up to them for their strength & ability to persevere.

Humility has been a topic of great discussion for me in this blog, and it is something that has been on the forefront of my mind for quite some time.  This verse is one that I want to memorize in the next few weeks:

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you:

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."  - Romans 12:3

I always want to come back to this place.  Thinking of myself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has given me.   Balancing.

Being unable to walk, and in a wheelchair, has not being humiliating, but it has taught me to be humble.  Even when I'm able to stand and walk again, I want to remember what it was like to be physically lowered down, below other people.  This is the essence of what Jesus did in his lifetime; he was physically placed below others multiple times.  Namely, on the cross.  For me, this aspect of my journey has been such a blessing.  Among so many others.

Seeing things from a new perspective.

Nerve.

My nerves are raw this evening.

Here's why: 750 - 4 = 746.  I am missing four pieces of a puzzle I have worked really hard on for the last few days.  The ridiculousness of this is apparent to me, but infuriating at the same time.  My fury is somewhat fueled by the fact that I didn't take my medication today.  I thought would be okay without it, but it turns out I was super-wrong.  I'm back on it, but I'm really grumpy, and I don't really want to write this evening.  I need to go pray & listen to my Father for a while before bed.  I hope that you find time to do the same. 

Pray for my family, they deserve major kudos for putting up with me tonight.  ; )

With love.
Me.