Discipline.

Discipline is a word that I don't like.  And at the same time I do.  (I find it cool that the word "disciple" is tied quite closely to discipline.)  I'm not very disciplined in certain areas of my life, and I don't like that.  Therefore, I don't always like discipline.  The problem is that the Bible says that God disciplines those he loves.  This is, ultimately, a really great thing because God shapes us and changes us and molds us and makes us into new people.  But it doesn't always feel good.

There is this weird muscle in my leg that's growing back in the shape of a giant grapefruit.  It's bizarre - it literally looks like there is a piece of fruit inside of my leg.  It's mostly just swollen because, "Like, whoa, there's something, like, standing on me now."  And apparently my right leg is from California.  My left one is from Minnesota.

I was reminded this evening of what it means to endure hardships.  They come in every single shape and size - conversations that are hard to have, thoughts to be tamed, people that we have a hard time understanding, physical & emotional pain, hurting hearts, broken bones, mending muscles.  You name it.  But we are called to endure those hardships, not just pretend like they aren't there, or hide from them with our heads in the sand.  Or, like me, whine about them until they go away.  Or peppermint Jo-Jo's magically appear.  We are called to strength.  A strength that can only be found in Jesus. 

I found this verse by accident tonight, but I found it quite fitting for my flabby little legs.

"Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees." -Hebrews 12:12

Flabby little legs, don't give up.
Friends, don't give up.  It's so worth it.

A song for the road.  Or for your head while you are in bed...

Consuming Fire

There must be more than this,
O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.

Fill us anew we pray.

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God would You fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us.

Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.

Lord let Your glory fall.

Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
A passion for Your Name.

Pool.

Yesterday was officially my first day of aquatic therapy!  I'll summarize it for you in six sentences:

1. I looked (and felt) like a three year old on noodles.

 2.  I got into the pool on a super-scary & super-wobbly lift.

3.  I walked on my left leg for the first time without a boot.

(Yes, it felt really weird, and I walked like a penguin.)

4.  I did, in fact, doggie paddle.

5.  I am really sore today.

(Warning: NEVER type "sore" into Google.)

6.  My wheelchair was sad that it couldn't get in too.

Feet.

Even though 40% technically means "Needs Improvement" in the school system, it was a significant number in my life today.  I officially placed 40% (like, 150 pounds at this point in the game...) of my weight on my left foot today.  And it was legal!  I have kind of been babying it for the last several weeks, but I bit the bullet, and decided to go for the gold today.  Not too bad.

You may think my thoughts on feet and shoes might be a little excessive, but I have been thinking a lot about them in the last few days.  I'm thankful that they are still intact, and that they work.  It was touch and go for a while...

Jesus has so much to say about what we do with our feet.  One of my favorites, (and one that I was reminding myself to practice this evening), comes from the book of John.  Which, by the way, is such a cool book.  If you've never really read the Bible, or you find yourself unable to understand it, or you used to read the Bible & now you can't remember the last time you cracked its dusty pages open, can I just encourage you to read the book of John?  It's somewhat towards the back...there's a table of contents in case you didn't know that already.

Many people know the story of Jesus' death, or parts of it anyway, (and you would be surprised how many people don't...) And many people know that he hung out with his peeps the night before he was taken in to start the whole (excruciating) process leading up to that death.  It's sometimes referred to as "The Last Supper".  We never did use the word "supper" in our house.  I think it's a weird word.  I like to call it His last dinner.

While they were eating, Jesus all of sudden gets up, takes off everything but his underwear, puts on a towel, and fills up a water basin.  He bends down to start washing his disciples' feet, starting with Peter, and Peter objects.  (I mean, it could be a little awkward, right?  It's hard to allow people to serve us in ways like that...)  Jesus replied with this:

“You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
 
 “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

 Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."

My first response when I met Jesus was the same as Peter's.  "No!  I don't want you to do that!  I'm not willing to let you see that part of my heart, Jesus."  It's crazy-hard to allow Jesus to penetrate into the deepest depths of our souls.  

I've talked in church about how, culturally, washing feet was important - people accumulated a lot of dust and dirt throughout the day in Jesus' day.  Guess they didn't know about socks and tennies then.  But what Jesus was doing in this passage was taking on the position of a servant.  One that would wash the feet of the very person who is responsible for the beginning of a grueling and painful process, ending in death!  Can you imagine?  There aren't a lot of people in my life that have hurt me badly, but the few that have hurt me have done a good job.  In more ways than I think I know right now.  But to be like Jesus means to forgive those people before they even say sorry, if they ever say sorry.  To be like Jesus means to place ourselves, literally, below other people, not caring what the world may think.  It can sometimes be difficult to serve others, and it can be difficult to allow others to serve us.  But it's important to do both.

And what do you think Peter understands later in his life?  After Jesus has died, and after he remembers those words spoken to him on that night?  I'm not entirely sure because I'm not telepathic & I don't think you can speak to dead people.  But, I do know that Peter describes a lot of what he knows in the two books he writes.  In the first chapter of his first book he writes this:

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls."  1 Peter 1:6-9

There has been little on this journey that I have been able to deem "suffering", but even when there was, is, and will be suffering, I am so thankful for the continued faithfulness of my Father.  May it all result in the praise, glory, and honor of Jesus Christ.

Shoes.

"If the shoe fits"..."Walk a mile in their shoes"..."Two things you can never have to many of: good friends & good shoes"

Dorothy.  Cinderella.  Jimmy.  (As in Jimmy Choo...)

People are semi-obsessed with shoes.  I mean, fifty years ago, I don't think people had (on average) as many pairs of shoes as we, both men and women, own today.  I guess we kind of always have been interested in shoes, but I think it used to be for functionality's sake.  Would you agree?  Except for maybe the Dutch.  Then again, I'm pretty sure they danced in those wooden shoes.  And I have no idea why women in China used to take pride in size -4 feet.  I mean, shoes do serve a very important purpose!  Snow boots keep our feet from getting too cold, flip flops are good for on-the-go...and the beach...tennis shoes are great for running, rain boots are for rain, loafers are for work?, wooden shoes are good for dancing, dress shoes are what you wear at a wedding...unless you are at the beach... the list goes on and on. 

Here are some of my favorites that I found on my 10-second Google search:

  Love Toms.  If you haven't heard of them, check it out at: http://www.toms.com/our-movement

I got to thinking tonight, (after walking on a shoe today for the first time in nearly four months), about the kind of shoes Jesus would have worn.  What do you think his feet looked like?  Where do you think he got his sandals?  Do you think there were different styles or levels of comfort?  Arch support?  Did he have people in his own household that would ever wash his feet? 

We know that he wore sandals because he lived in a desert, and it's in the Bible (get this - the word "sandal" is in the Bible 35 times!)  One such verse is this one:

"I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire." -Matthew 3:11

John the Baptist (get it?) is the person talking here.  I don't know if you know this, but he was Jesus' cousin.  The outer sentences of this verse are kind of loaded, and I don't fully understand what John meant, but I always remember the second sentence.  John the Baptist was showing so much humility in that sentence, but I really think that it shows how Jesus truly was his King.  Upon first glance, I don't think Jesus looked like royalty.  But we see in Scripture, time and time again, how people treat his feet with the utmost reverence.  They were responding to his character, and to his heart.  He truly was the Son of God.  Royalty.

Tonight, on my 10-second Google search for fun & funny shoes, I found this picture:

It broke my heart.

I probably own 20 pairs of shoes.  This kid is wearing water bottles.

It's sheer genius, but it breaks my heart nonetheless.  To me, this just epitomizes Jesus.  His heart broke for people who were in need, and for people that oozed humility, and for the kids who came running up to him in abandonment.

There are a million parallels that I can think of between this picture & my life, and Jesus' life for that matter, but all I'm going to say tonight is that I'm so thankful that Jesus sees these beautiful feet, and that he has given us opportunities to use ours to share.

Cellular.

Reason number 203 that Catie is looking forward to walking normally again (even though she has 406 things to be thankful for right now):

Being able to talk on her cell phone.

When I was running up and down the stairs, many moons ago, I was running up and down the stairs quite frequently.  I forget things, you see.  A lot of things.  I mean, just walking out the door in the morning usually meant at least three separate trips back up to my room.  No lie.  Ask the poor woman who slept right below the staircase for 8 months.  So, nowadays, it's tricky business.  I mean, you're talkin' to the kid that's only been going on "the big girl potty" for about two weeks.  It seriously takes a ton of time to climb up that stupid flight, and a lot of energy because I'm still scooting up on my butt.

So I head upstairs between 9 & 11, depending on whether or not I'm going to read.  And what's on T.V.  T.V. is usually the influencing factor.  On a normal night, I would make all of my calls after 9...that's when it's free.  (If you don't know this already, I'm kind of a cheapwad.  Obsession of 2010: coupons.) Well, the last few nights I have been forgetting to grab it when I go upstairs.  Going upstairs is a big deal, so I can't just dash back down to get it.  Every night I have realized my forgetfulness once I've gotten alllllllllllll the way to the top of the stairs.

All I have to say is, "Whoops!"  Guess we'll talk tomorrow.  : )
I'm just thankful that my friends exemplify grace so well.





This blog post is dedicated to Alaina Christine.

Rose.

It is my baby sister's middle name.
She's in Baraboo, WI right now. 
I miss her.

But why I bring up the floral paradox (aka "the rose") is because I heard the other day, (while I was briefly watching the crazy-ridiculous show called "The View"), that President Obama and his girls sit down every night to talk about their day.  They call it the rose and the thorn.  The rose would, obviously, be the highlight of the day, and the thorn...well, the lowlight. 

So.  My rose.

Falling on my face in front of lots of people at church.

The thorn.

Falling on my face in front of lots of people at church.

Can the rose and the thorn be the same thing?  Well, I say it can.  Heck, they're on the same plant for crying out loud.  I fell on my face today.  Twice.  I fell once while I was coming out of the chairs (and I was trying to go too fast), and I totally lost control of my crutches.  It was, like, a movie-perfect scene; my crutches flew up in the air and then came crashing down, I face-planted into the seats, and groaned really loudly, "OH!  OH man!"  Sound like a thorn?  Maybe, maybe not...it was pretty dang embarrassing.  I was fine, and it's okay if you laugh.  But here's why it was the rose: for the first time ever, I got to STAND up when invited by the worship leader!  YA-YUH!!  It was pretty exciting.  I was a dancing fool.  That's what came right before I biffed it.  It was worth it.  (Confession: I may miss my wheelchair more than I thought I would...)

Fall number two came while I was walking towards my exit route.  It had sort of become a parade, if you will, because I was going pretty slow.  I was preparing a joke for the people behind me, and as I started to say, "I"m going to move over into the slow lane" (aka move to the right of the hallway), my foot caught the floor and I faceplanted.  Again.  Also pretty funny.  Kind of a thorn...lots of people watched me do it, and my left knee cap is a little perturbed.  But it was also kind of a rose because a very nice gentleman, who I'll "Jesusathaway", was right there next to me after I did it, ready to help me up.  He's such a nice man, and his family is awesome.  I was up & at em' before you could say, "Pay attention to where you are going, Catherine Ann.  No jokes while you are on crutches."

Part of me wishes someone I knew was beside me so I could yell, "He tripped me!  She tripped me!!"  I wish I had thought of that even if I didn't know who was around me.  Wouldn't that have been a great way to welcome someone new to my church.

So.  The moral of my rose/thorn story is that God continues to keep me safe, even as I continue to fall.  I'm so thankful that my legs are healing properly, and I'm so thankful that I have been able to stand up for the last couple of weeks, even if I have been a little wobbly.  I'm so thankful that, in God's grace, roses come with the thorns.  Proof of God's faithfulness, even at the very beginning: 

 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

 “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.  It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field..."
- Genesis 3:17&18

The roses outweigh the thorns, my friends.  Even though we fall, God still gives us so much to be thankful for.

Bask.

"Only to sit and think of God, 

Oh what a joy it is!

To think the thought, to breathe the Name

Earth has no higher bliss!"

- Frederick W. Faber

I read this today, and got to thinking about the meaning of the quote.  I came across it while I was outside - what a sweet taste of Spring the last few days have been here in IL. I have finally gotten the hang of getting down the front steps of my house with my crutches.  It only took me two stinkin' weeks.  My original destination was going to be a "quick" walk with my mom & the pups, but my armpits said, "No, Catie.  We're angry with you." 

We have this old, worn-down church pew that sits on our front porch.  My parents got it a long, long time ago, I think when they were first married.  I have so many memories of playing on it from the time that I was a little girl.  I decided that Mr. Pew would be my final destination, and I took a seat on it for the first time in what felt like years.  I was basking in the last few minutes of the sun's warm rays, which felt so wonderful & life-giving, and I started to think about the word "bliss".  How wonderful it is to be able to spend so much time thinking about the character of God. Yet another blessing that I have been given with two still-mending legs.

How often do we just sit and think?  Let alone just sit and contemplate the beauty/wonder/greatness/character of God?  No videos, no music, no books.  Just sitting and thinking.  Why does it only seem to come when I have "extra" time, or when I'm not running about hurriedly?  Don't you think that it is a way we can worship God? 

May the Holy Spirit lead you (and me) to a quiet place today, and each day this week, where you can just sit and breathe and think and bask in the glory of Him whose name brings greater joy than anything on this Earth.  May He grow your heart & your mind so that your imagination is in tune with his reality, and may you be able to think outside of the boundaries that we all place God in.