Tired.

I went to church today.  It was wonderful, it was refreshing, it was encouraging, and I'm ready for bed.  It is extremely encouraging to know that so many people are praying for me; I know that it is making such a difference.  Prayer is not mystical, but something that God deserves and desires; honest communication with Him.  He longs to hear from us, just as we long to hear from him, and I'm thankful that he is a God who hears his people.  We can talk to him candidly but reverently, honestly but humbly, with our concerns and with the concerns of others.  It's beautiful.  He knows what I need, and chooses to allow other people to get invovled in the process.  Equally beautiful.

The sweetest lady gave me a fabric card today with a landscape sewn onto it, and the verse that she listed on it is so applicable to my life.  Psalm 63:6-8:

"On my bed I remember you;
   I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
   I sing in the shadow of your wings. 
I cling to you;
   your right hand upholds me."

Laying in bed gets old, but I still choose to remember God - his faithfulness, his considerate and compassionate heart, his love, his patience, his plan, and his purpose for my life.  I catch myself thinking not only of his character, but of what he's doing right now.  Smiling?  Laughing?  Radiating?  Crying?  Jealous?  Angry?  Concerned?  Broken-hearted?  Full of lament?  All of the above?  I so long to see him, and I can't wait until the day when I can behold his face, and fall before his throne.  He truly is my help - at every single turn, and I can't help but envisioning myself as a baby chick nestled under its mother's wings, singing a song.   The one I've had stuck in my head all day goes like this:

Great is thy faithfulness, oh God my Father.  There is no shadow of turning with thee.  Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not.  As thou hast been, thou forever will be.  Great is thy faithfulness!  Great is thy faithfulness!  Morning by morning new mercies I see.  All I have needed thy hand has provided; great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

Lord, may that song be sweet to your ears, and may it bless you.  I long to bring you praise, and I long to bring fame and honor to your brilliant name because you deserve it, God.  You deserve even more than I have to give. 

Clinging to God gets harder because my arms get tired, and my body grows so weak.  I get scared, and start wondering if my safety harness is attached.  At this moment, I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.  It has been a very long week, with quite a few battles that I've had to fight (and I should say "we" have had to fight).  I'm so thankful that when we give our all, and surrender ourselves to an amazing God, that he upholds us, and takes care of us with such tenderness.  Though I may be growing weak, he is strong, and I boast all the more gladly in my weakness.  I am tired, but he is enough.  He is my strength and my "awakeness" if you will.  The watches of the night begin in about T-minus 45 seconds, but I think of him because he is my help, my source of life.