Today was a restful day.
I'm pooped though! Ha ha. Contridiction, eh? Seriously though. Laying in bed all day is exhausting. I feel so ridiculous saying that, but it's true. Although, in my defense, I think I can feel my white bloodcells in action. No, really. They're wiggling around ferociously in my legs. And it's not the extremely bizarre case of bedbugs that seem to be going around Illinois, I promise (although, the first night I was off of my morphine, I felt a bug in my cast. It was one of the scariest things I've experienced on this journey so far. And then I hear about bed bugs. Oi. I don't think it was real, but I was freaked.) My body is in over-drive, and I'm so thankful. Like, when I touch my legs, they are warm. I'm alive. And, I can wiggle my toes more and more each day! People keep praying for a quick recovery, and my body is literally responding, by the grace of God.
This morning I woke up at 6am ( I love it when that happens), and I could not go back to bed (no really, I love it when that happens). So, I watched the three episodes of Community that I missed in the last few weeks (love that show), and started writing thank you notes to all of the wonderful people that have brought us dinner over the last two weeks (love those people). 10am rolls around, and I'm tired, but instead of just falling asleep, I had the privilege of singing and worshipping for a few minutes alongside of my good friends Brooke, Chris, and Hillsong peeps whose names I can't remember (love them too). It always amazes me how singing and listening to music can just usher me into the presence of my Creator. I fell asleep feeling curled up in his arms - warm, safe, invited; I wouldn't trade that moment for anything.
Even though I hate napping, I love the feeling of being so close to God. Rest is found in his presence. I'm so thankful that Jesus paved the way for us, and that He allows us to come and lay before his throne. One song I haven't heard in a while goes like this, "Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that you're my God. You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me." It so encapsulated what I wanted to express to God, and when that happens, I feel so excited and so connected. (And, on a more musical note (ha ha), the emphasis is on the italicized words. Literally, when you sing the song, you hang onto the italicized words for a longer period of time. Cool, huh?!)
Anyway, speaking of a wonderful God, I got to reading Matthew 11 today. It is an interesting and emotional chapter in the Bible. Not all of it is restful; in the beginning, Jesus' cousin, John the Baptist, is in jail (because he was considered a crazy head), and he asks Jesus if he's the Messiah via some of his followers. Because he's in jail. You can't get out of jail to talk to people. Jesus responds and says, "The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor. Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” Jesus was a really wise dude. Sometimes I do stumble on what he says, but I love him for it, and deeply admire this trait of being able to give a completely truthful answer no matter who's around.
I can literally connect to these verses: Jesus is like the glasses I have to wear so I can see three feet in front of me; I have been cleansed of so many illnesses (thank goodness they weren't leprosy, and thank goodness I didn't live in Jesus' time because I would have hated to be alone & outside of the city); I have been deaf for much of my life & I can now hear; I have felt very poor (even though "poor" is an extremely relative term - ask me about it sometime) & I have seen God's provision. And...I'm really looking forward to walking again. Call me lame if you want, but I can't wait to get my butt back. Ha ha. Get it? Luckily I've never been raised from the dead. It would stinky.
: D Lighten UP people!
I also love love love those verses because I have been redeemed by this Messiah; there is such good news in Jesus. "Good news" seems like such a Christiany thing to say or hear, doesn't it? But when is the last time that you heard good news? For me, it was when I found out my little sister had bought her plane ticket home for Thanksgiving, and that she wasn't going to try to fly standby. So I'll actually get to see her. It was good news. Jesus' life, and his death are good news. Like hearing that your daughter broke her legs, but she isn't dead. Or maybe it's that your granddaughter has been born, or that your friend has been proposed to (or maybe you know when the proposing is going to happen). Maybe it's that you got that A you worked really hard for. Or...didn't work hard for. Maybe it's the job that you got, or the one that you can quit. Maybe it's that the cancer is in remission, or maybe it's that when the cancer patient dies, you know they are in heaven because they were in love with Jesus. For the guy that I met in the hospital the other day, it was that he and his wife were going to be able to live out their lives normally even though their motorcycle had flipped three times in the middle of a New York freeway.
Good news can be found throughout our lives. Jesus. Is good news.
So, all of the people who were all up in Jesus' grill overheard what he had said to John, and he starts asking them what they want. Not in a defensive or snarky way, but he's still trying to get them to see who he is. Trying to get them to see what their motives are. There is good news, right? They couldn't see it. Or hear it. Or smell it. Can you imagine?! The Messiah is standing inches away from them, and they just don't get it. (Sometimes I wonder if I would have been one of them. Too busy to change my lifestyle because it took me an hour everyday just to get water for my whole family, or too hot to really care & think about what Jesus was saying. I may have just left the posse because I had to pee.) You can see Jesus get frustrated with the very people that he has performed miracles in front of (their eyes had seen, their ears had heard, their noses could smell, but their hearts were hard); there is this major progression of emotions. Then, he says this:
At that time Jesus said, [see, told you.] “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do. All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Can you believe he ends with this? In music terms, we call it a crescendo. Build, build, bui...wait, what? Jesus stops. Everything he's doing & saying. He just starts talking to his Father. He starts praising him unabashedly in front of everyone. He acknowledges the Sovereignty of his dad. This HUGE crescendo that doesn't make "sense": He invites the people in front of him in. He so longs to give them rest; he can see the sunken eyes (in my case, with the bags underneath), he can see into the hearts of the ones who are so busy or so fearful or so worried or so sad or so angry or so confused or so caught up in everything around them. And he says, "Come." "Rest." "Learn from me." "Be like me." "Come, see who I really am."
I trust God. Better in some moments than in others. It's hard. It's really, really hard. Mostly because I have trust issues. We all do. But, when I think about what has happened over the past two weeks (I can't believe it's been that long), I keep going back to trust. When I can trust, I can rest. When I can hand my baggage over to Jesus, I can rest. When I actually let go, I can rest. When I allow Jesus to lead, I can rest. Jesus truly is gentle and humble - it was engraved into his very nature, in his posture, and in the way that he lived & moved & breathed. Even when I think about hitting the ground of an indoor rock climbing gym, I think of a gentle Jesus. Truly, it was a gentle way of showing me that I need to rest well. (Among other things...but we'll come to those later, right? : ) My housemate used to say to me every night before I would go to bed, "Rest well, Catie."
Rest isn't just found in a nap. Rest is found deep down in our very being, in our souls, because we are or have been weary and burdened. But we can come to Him, even when it is humbling. I am trying to learn to be like this Jesus, caring about the things he cared about. Passionate about the things he was passionate about. Sad about the things he was sad about. Gentle with the things he was gentle with. Resting in his truth because he rested in His Father. The Truth.
Rest well, my friends. May you rest in Him.
