Really.

You know, you'd think because I have lived in the Milwaukee area for about a year, and get lost in it quite frequently, I'd be able to find my way from Froedtert Hospital to my old house.  Nope.  I get lost everytime.  You can ask any of the Jens I know.  I call them on rotation every time I get lost.

I do have to say though that my parents and I have been able to uphold our tradition: leaving early in the am for the doctor, stopping at Starbizzle for soy hot chocolate & oatmeal, getting there exactly 3 minutes early, hooing and hawing it up with the coolest orthopedic floor in the world, heading to the Golden Gyro to celebrate, and getting lost on the way there.  Once there, my mom and I always share a jumbo burger, and we have a van party with the WoWo clan, which is always super-fun.  This is how it goes every time.

The only difference today was that I.  Drove.  Home.

Yes.  You heard right.  The doctor has officially given me the go-ahead!  Now if I get pulled over, I can tell the officer that my doctor said it's okay.  : ) I have so much good news from that man: in the next four weeks I will be working on increasing the weight bearing on my left leg from 50% to 100% (still in a boot), continue with the bone stim., and continue aquatic therapy.  And I really don't think he's lying when he says that my left leg (the one I was really worried about) really looks great.  Really.  I cannot BELIEVE how gracious God has been to me!

I go back to see him in two months.  I almost started to cry because I realized that my parents won't be with me at that appointment.  Today was the last time we will get to have that fun excursion.  *sigh*  This week has kind of been a mental transition week for me as far as mindsets go.  I'm (again) starting to do more and more on my own, and relying less on my parents for help and guidance.  It's exciting, and it's good, but I am sad.  I'm really going to miss my family.  Really really.

Yesterday in church, our pastor talked about how important it is that we carry one another's burdens.  I am so so so so so so thankful to have a family that was willing to help me carry mine.  And a church family as well.  Two of them actually.  And so many people...without the prayers and support (and visits and smiles and hugs!) of each person (seriously, each person) that has done so along the way, I really don't think I would be where I am. 

I will (hopefully...Lord-willingly) be walking again in four weeks.  Really.

Know.

“Search me, God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting."

-Pslam 139:23&24

I am so thankful that God truly does know his way around our hearts.  Every nook and cranny, every thought before we even think it, every feeling before it is felt.

He is eager to transform us too, and he is so generous with his grace.  Even though it is so costly.  There are no accidents with him either; I continue to be blown away by the fact that he is not surprised by anything.  Despite the fact that we live in an icky and really frustrating place, everything has meaning & purpose when we are in tune with Jesus.  When I allow him to shift my thinking (into what some people call "eternal thinking"), my life changes.  Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.  It is a long, sometimes grueling, but ever-rewarding journey.

And I am thankful that the perspective he continues to give me is eternal.

When I used to read this verse, I always assumed that the "way everlasting" part was about heaven.  Heaven is something to look forward to, (I can't wait to boogy-down when I get there!  I'm going to swim underwater for days, and run around for weeks without stopping, and then I'm going to lay in the softest sweetest smelling grass ever and just lay there with Jesus.  That's my plan.  I seriously have butterflies in my stomach right now thinking about it.)  This heaven can only be found in Jesus, but I've come to realize that the "way everlasting" in this verse also speaks to my way of thinking.

When we ask God to lead us, to lead our lives & our every decision, he does. 

I've been amazed by how God has taken me into his arms and transformed my thinking in the last months.  His grace is ever-sufficient, and I think I maybe lost sight of it in the last few days.  (Confession time again...)  I have to laugh at myself all the time because my understanding of grace is so finite.  I just simply don't get it.  And yet is stares me in the face everyday.  Even on dizzy days.

To be known by God, and to know him is seriously the greatest joy in my life.  Our relationship is like a marriage; his grace is ever-present, but increases with my knowledge, which increases with my love, which increases with time, which increases with his grace.  Do I sound crazy yet? 

I vaguely remember C.S. Lewis talking about heaven in his last book, "The Last Battle".  When the main characters of his book get to Aslan's home (heaven), they start running into it.  And all the time Aslan is saying "Further in, higher up!" as if it were a circle that got bigger as you got closer to the center.  Does this make sense?  For example, if you were to be able to slowly walk into an orange, instead of the distance from you to the center getting smaller, it would actually get bigger.  It doesn't make sense in this world, but this is how I feel about God's grace sometimes.

It's like the saying, "The more I learn, I realize how little I know."

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
   a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you,
   for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.  Sing the praises of the LORD, enthroned in Zion;
   proclaim among the nations what he has done."
 -Psalm 9:9-11

And I'm so thankful that when we know something, and don't know what to do about it or how to act on it, we aren't stuck.  Just be still.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”
-Psalm 46:10