About Me

Hey there! I'm a twenty-three year old Jesus follower, and this blog is to record all of the goings-on in my life within the next months. I recently broke both of my legs, and feel God leading me to tell my story - a story of redemption and grace, of hope and pain, of excitment and fear. May you be deeply blessed as you read. Shalom!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Willingness.

One of my absolute favorite actors in the world is Djimon Hounsou.  Whoa man.  It's not just his muscular arms, either.  Or his amazing white teeth.  I just really like the integrity that he has as an actor, and I really appreciate so many of his roles.  His muscular arms & amazing white teeth are just a bonus for my eyeballs.  My favorite role that he plays in is the character Abou Fatma in The Four Feathers.  If you haven't seen this movie, I'll loan it to you.  It is so good!  I cry every time.  Oh.  So good. 

My favorite part is his character's willingness to do what God tells him to do.  In the movie, Abou says, "God put you in my path" when asked why he's helping someone. That was his reply - "God put you in my path."  The thing about Abou (and, yes, I realize he is a fictional character), is that he acts on the placement of this person within his path.  He doesn't just look over and see someone lying in the sand and feel sorry for him.  He doesn't make excuses.  He doesn't just see the man in his path, think, "Oh, I should help him.  God put him there", and then just walk away;  he sees him, helps him, and befriends him.  He reminds me a lot of a man in the Bible.

You may know him as the Good Samaritan.  I think that the name "Good Samaritan" has, unfortunately, lost a lot of its meaning in our culture today.  Fortunately, we are commanded to do what Jesus tells us to do, (go and do likewise), and it's not about what's true of our culture.  Abou really depicts the Good Samaritan for me.  If you don't know the full story of the Good Samaritan, (or you've never read it in the Bible) go here, and read it for yourself: 

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2010:%2030-37&version=NIV

Action goes hand in hand with willingness.

I placed my foot on the ground for the first time since I broke my legs.  I took my foot out of my boot, and set it on the ground at a 90 degree angle.  It was so weird!  The weirdest part is that now I'm itching to get up and walk.  It was the first time that my foot touched the ground in nearly two months, and now I'm ready to walk.  I think this pretty much epitomizes me.  I get a taste of something, and I'm ready and willing to jump in and just start doing it.  "Sign me up!  Put me on the list!"  Little do I realize that I'm not equipped or well-muscled enough to stay standing.  "Wait. What am I supposed to do again?  Oh yeah, I did say I would do that."

If I were to stand on my foot, I would probably make if for, like, 10 seconds.  Then all of my weakling muscles would give out, and I would fall over.  I'm SO willing though!  As much as I think I could pull an Uma Thurman, Kill Bill kind of move (moving after having been in a coma for several weeks...right?  I can't even remember that stupid movie, except that she starts wiggling her toes and moving around, and it was so unrealistic.  Ugh.)  I can't.  I'm not in Kill Bill.  And I would never kill him either, for the record.

It reminds me of the song "Light the Fire", and the line that says, "My Spirit is willing, but my flesh is so weak."  Except now it has physical meaning, and not just spiritual.  Ha ha!  As much as I'd like to think that I can put my foot and the floor, and just hop up as though nothing had happened, I can't.  I have to slowly build back up to it. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  Do you know how much that just drives me NUTS?!?!?  This is yet another way that God is going to use this experience to grow and mature me: slow, methodical, intentional building.  Did I mention slow?  And methodical?  And slow?  Something that I could do "normally" every day, for pretty much my entire memorable life: put my feet beside my bed, and stand up.  Yup.  Been doin' it since I was TWO.  I kind of just realized that.  And I kind of just realized that I haven't been doing that for almost two months.

I kind of just realized that my feet were going to be back on the ground.  Like, the thought never occurred to me, that in order to walk again, I'll have to be able to stand.  Oh man.  I'm pretty wacko.
Anyway, it was just a funny thing that happened to me this weekend.  My toes turned purple & I chickened out.  I haven't done it since.  : ) 

Willingness must always be accompanied with preparation for, and include an eventual action.  Sometimes immediate.  Sometimes it changes direction.  Sometimes willingness is what is asked, and action isn't.  Sometimes it is.  Be ready. When you say to someone, "Do you want me to do this for you?"  Be ready.  When you think, "I'll never do that..."  Just wait.  Be ready.  When you sing songs about following Jesus no matter what, be ready.

When I think of a willing spirit, and an action response, I think of Mary, Jesus' momma.  I've been reading a lot about her lately, as Jesus' (implemented) birthday is coming up in less that a week.  I like Mary.  I used to think that she was just always ready to have an angel come to her & have her respond in perfection & have her beautiful little self plopped up on a donkey ready to travel the world.  Even if she was, like, 15.  I couldn't really relate to Mary.  Until recently.  I've taken the first part of Luke & broken it down into a play-like conversation:

Mary (just chillin' out, maybe praying, listening to some "Top Ten Songs of the final B.C.'s)

Enter Angel.

Angel: Greetings, you who are highly favored!  The Lord is with you.

Mary (makes this face): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(possibly thinking, "What kind of greeting could this possibly be?" or "DON'T KILL ME!"

Angel: Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.

Mary: How will this be, since I am a virgin?

Angel: The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.  Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.

Mary: I am the Lord’s servant, may your word to me be fulfilled.


Angel vanishes into thin air.  Literally.

End Scene 1

Pretty crazy story.  It's even crazier that it actually happened.  The very last line is the one that gets me: "I am the Lord's servant."  She answers beautifully.  Willing, yet ready to go.  Ready to follow through.  I mean, I might say those words, but later I'd be FREAKING OUT when follow-through time came!  I might tell God that I'd have to think about it.  I might be so embarrassed that all of the women in town were talking about me that I would tell God nevermind, and he would have to rewind time to pick someone else.  Or, I'd be complaining to him that I'd have to go through the pain of labor without even getting to have sex.  UGH!

The simplicity of Mary's answer is what makes it so beautiful to me: "I'm the Lord's servant, may it be as you say!"  She trusts God so much that she is willing to take this HUGE step of faith.  Now, I'm not saying that it's okay to come before God's throne, and pepper him with questions every time; He deserves reverence.  He is God, we are not.  But, part of me just can't help but think, "Isn't there anything else you'd wanna ask an ANGEL!?"  I mean, he was right there!  If ever an opportunity laid itself in your lap, that was it, Mary! 

She kept it simple.  I like to complicate. 

I'm a human bean.  That's my job, apparently.  Her willingness & humility are an example to me.  And the way that she treasured the conversation with the angel, and the way she treasured her relationship with God are as well.  She listened, she responded, and she went.  She was a woman of action; eventually she did give birth to the Messiah.  And she also took every little step to get there.