Yesterday was rain, and today is snow. Living in the midwest is an adventure! I love it! Secretly, I have been wishing that it would snow, and as much as I enjoyed the rain last night, I couldn't help but wonder where the snow was. It was creating suspense, that tricksy snow. But it has officially come and gone, and we have nothing to say for it, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
Today I was able to spend a lot of time reading and writing and visiting with friends, and just catching up on fun stuff. My mom started decorating the house with Christmas decorations, and everything looks so great. She only keeps the stuff that has meaning over time, so there are little sock snowmen, a life of Jesus wreath that she made when I was like 13, and things given to us by people that we love & that love us. We laugh because our Christmas decorations look like they have been fighting in their boxes when they aren't on display. I gave her this giant bell last year, and I laughed when I saw it again because I have no idea what I was thinking. My MeeMaw's nativity set is on our piano, and the tree looks wonderful. Today is the last day of November. I officially feel like time is flying by.
Time is seriously something I've always been fascinated by...it's something that we need to be cognizant of at all times. I mean, in one minute, it's December. Every day is meaningful. There isn't ever "just another day" or "get me through this Monday" - every day is important and valued and bought with a high price. My friend said tonight, "You know, within each day we can find rest, almost like a little mini-vacation." I know that life isn't "normal" for me right now, but she was right. Even when I head back into full-time work, we can find rest and peace and joy within every day. The view can always be beautiful; it's how we look at it. Dancing to "Love Like Woe" with two casts on my legs? Pearls.
See dance here:
Having my mom talk about my poop while we're taping this silly thing? Hmmm...Amethyst. Watching a super-cheesy movie with said friend and my sisters? Sapphires. Another two months with my family? Rubies. Having a warm bed to sleep in tonight? Diamonds. Blankets with which to cover up with? Canary diamonds.
I never would have planned this for my life. Have I said that before? I never in a million years would have volunteered myself for two broken facilities on my body, but God has richly blessed me with more than I could have imagined on this journey. I am not even kidding when I say I would be a thousandaire if I had a dollar for all of the ways that I have seen God work in and around me in the last month. It has honestly been thousands. His grace is enough. I mean, it was a month ago today that I was coming home from the hospital, and here I am now, nearly pain-free, alert, dancing stupidly in my bed, surrounded by amazing people, my family upstairs, and one of my closest friends on my couch, and two months away from the possibility of walking. Yesterday's intense rain is today's beautiful snow - light, floating, gentle.
It's more than I could ever have imagined. Broken legs redeemed as a blessing. God is good to me. I don't deserve him. The verse that comes to mind when I share this is from Ephesians.
The book of Ephesians was written by Paul to the church in Ephesus. I love this letter. I love it so so much. I wish that you and I could sit down right now at this moment and drink white peach tea in over-sized mugs and discuss the book of Ephesians. It is packed with so many gems, ones that I haven't even found yet which, I think, is why I'm so captivated by the writing. I first started learning about Ephesians about a decade ago, a couple of years after I had become a Christ-follower. My pastor, Zack, used verses 20 and 21 below to cast vision into a sea of people called Faith Church, and I remember being deeply impacted by it at such a young age. My dad obviously was too because he decided he was going to sacrifice his vocation and comfort for a position in ministry, but that's another story. The verse was like my family's send-off verse, like a strong bell prophesying into the future. It rang so true. Here's chapter three, 20 & 21:
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"
I feel like this verse is so appropriate for today, one month that I found myself traveling home from an experience that would alter the way I live my life. Paul is talking to the church of Ephesus about how he doesn't want them to be discouraged by his sufferings. In jail, he calls himself a "prisoner of Christ." I love that. I am a prisoner of Christ, but I'm free. He speaks to God's grace, and how his mystery is made known in Jesus. Being part of a body of Christ-followers is where this mystery is supposed to be revealed, with the Holy Spirit leading the way. Here's the verse in more context:
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Do you see what I mean about gems? I pray that you can see them, sparkling and shining into your life.
I could spend half an hour highlighting and explaining why I am so in love with this passage. I'm not joking when I say I want to sit down with tea and study it with you! We'd rip this bag wide open, spilling jewels everywhere, right? I mean, I'm talking manuscripting, baby. InterVarsity style.
For me it's that I can't wait to kneel before my Father each day because the highest place in the world is at his feet. I have seen his glorious riches, and they have strengthened me on my life journey. I have seen his Spirit move, and felt it in my inner being, in deeper places than I was willing to go. I have seen the change in my life because Christ dwells in it. I so long to have deep, solid roots that grow into rich soil called love. I long to be together with God's people. I will never grasp how wide and long and high and deep Christ's love it, but I will dive into that pool and swim ferociously for the rest of my life. He deserves at least that. And I love it that while I'm swimming in that wondrous pool, he's splashing right beside me.
Even more than I can imagine. He is able to do even more. To him be glory in the church, and in Christ through all generations, forever and ever and ever and ever! Amen!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Rain.
Today's rain was so beautiful to me. I just laid in my car for half an hour soaking up the noise around me. It was like a blanket of peace intertwined in my legs, and surrounding my body. There is nothing like the smell of a rainy day. I'm so thankful that my hearing and smelling and tasting receptors are intact. I'm lucky I didn't bite my tongue off or jam anything up my nose on my way down when I fell. Something else to be thankful for.
I had such a fun day today. It was refreshing after a rough patch of days. Mondays are always fun because it is my dad's day off, and so we celebrate with things like going out to eat (nothing fancy - just like Taco Bell's tostadas or something fun and cheap), or going to a store, or getting hot chocolate from Starbucks. Or, in his case working on the house. Fun, fun, fun! He built my ramp on a Monday, and installed the guard rails on a Monday, and tries to get the honey-do stuff done on a Monday. Today he went shopping with my mom and I all day. On a Monday. He's a good man. Having four daughters is a hefty responsibility, and he handles it well. He has to go shopping a lot. Or wait in the car. Pretty sure he never would have imagined it that way, but he takes it all in stride. He sometimes likes shopping...I don't know if he'll admit it. : )
Anyway, we spent a large majority of the day at the mall nearby my house. Strolling and rolling around - it was super. I'm getting more and more used to people staring at me, and I've gotten to the point where I just pretend like I don't see people gawking (and I mean gawking) at me so they can stare freely, and try to figure out why the heck a chick is in a wheelchair being wheeled around with both legs straight up in the air. Guess away, my friends, guess away. It sounds like a really fun game.
The sweetest old lady came up to us while the three of us were sharing our Chinese food plate, and started talking to us about Jesus. It was so fast, one second she was asking me what happened to my legs, and then the next second she was telling us about how we needed Jesus in our live - she started sharing the gospel (a short description of Jesus' life, how it applies to our lives, and how we respond as human beings. The gospel is the hope that is found in Jesus. In case you didn't know. Like me. : ) It was a crazy encounter! Her name was Rosita. She smelled so good; like roses with a hint of sweet grandma. Anyway, I love listening to peoples' stories, and we definitely got to hear some of her life story. Most definitely. My parents and I prayed with her & went on our way.
One thing I noticed though is how much differently she presented the gospel than I do. She kept saying (and I really should say yelling) things like "You're going to hell without Jesus", or "separation for eternity from Him".
As a human being, I don't like hearing those words. As a Christian, I read them, and I still don't like them. The truth of the matter is that what she was saying is actually something that Jesus talked about in the Bible. Jesus only spoke truth, and sometimes he said some harsh things - he claimed to be the only way to heaven. I came across a verse today, and it kind of put things in perspective for me. (I have had a lot of things put into perspective for me in the last weeks, but it continues even still. I guess life truly is a life-long journey. : )
Jesus is talking to his disciples (in Mark 13, Mark being the disciple), and he's telling them that they are going to be beaten, flogged, hated, and killed because they associated themselves with Him. I mean, I'm sorry, but I may have just quietly tip-toed away at that point in the conversation. Like, "whistle whistle whistle...GONE." No one would have had time to say, "Where's Catie?", (which they often do...) I can see me now...sneaking around buildings, Mission Impossible style, unattaching myself from narrowing eyes. I mean, come on. Flogging? Death? But the disciples were so enthralled by Jesus that they stayed. He. Was worth it. I mean, I'm sure their knees were shaking, and their heads were spinning (and mine would have been too), but they stayed! It really says something about Jesus, doesn't it? These were smart people, and yet they were drawn to Jesus in such unimaginable ways. I am too.
Jesus then warns them that people are going to lie about the Messiah, but that they should remember what they have seen (and some of them even go on to write down those things they have seen.) Then he gets to a part about a tree. I just love trees. Soooo...Mark 13:28-37:
“Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near." (Unless strange weather patterns keep them blooming so that their leaves are coming out in November too...ha ha just kidding. Catie commentary ending now.) "Even so, when you see these things happening, you know that it is near, right at the door. Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. ...It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch. Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back—whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!'”
This is an intense verse. There's even...an exclamation point! It made me think of my intense Rosita encounter. I do not like to think about dying or passing away, and yet my very life could have been taken from me. I'm certainly thinking about it now! I think it is important to reflect upon the fact that our lives are but a mist, a vapor in the wind. We are so finite in the grand scheme of things, and I think we too easily get caught up in our own universes. We grow arrogant, and self-righteous because we forget these truths.
I mean, seriously, every year I'm disgusted by reports of people being trampled because others are so focused on what they want. For things that will be old news the following year, but who thinks of that when you're in the front of the line at Target because you've been waiting since 12:00am Central Time, and you really really really want that new T.V.! Did you know that someone died on Black Friday last year!? I've stopped going out on BF because it disgusts me. I'm not judging all people that do; some people do it and have a sense of contentment deep down in their souls. Even if they don't get that thing, they'll be ok, and you know, they might just let that jerk cut them in line. GASP! It's so easy though, isn't it? To get so caught up in the go go go mantra of our culture. I do. Get get get. More more more. You must must must have this this this. It's never-ever ending. And it's always so enticing, so delicious, but always so illusive. We never. seem. to. have. enough.
One of my favorite lines in that passage is this one:
"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
How much more important do Jesus' words become in that moment? The real question is: do we believe those words? Are they really true? Some of you may just stop reading here because you don't believe that Jesus was real, or that he existed. Some may disagree that Jesus was God; maybe you think he was a great prophet. Others might say that he was a great person, a figure to aspire to be like in life. Still others say that he was a crazy-head who was overly involved in politics, or that he had an affair with Mary Magdalene. I don't know what you believe, and I don't know what you know of this Jesus.
What I believe and know is that the very Jesus talking in this verse, and all the others in the New Testament is the Jesus has changed my life. He has transformed my heart into what it is today, from a very self-focused, self-absorbed, self-appreciating, prideful, angry, and often unkind girl into someone who longs to made into his likeness: other-focused, enemy-loving, always kind, truthful at all times, patient to the point of blood boiling temperatures. Vulnerable. Meek. Lowly. Forgiving. He continues to transform my hear each day. I need him because he is the source of the things. The Source of Life. I believe that he was the Son of God, not because I like fairy tales, but because I believe the things I read in the Bible; he claimed to be the Son of God, and that's why I believe he is. And the people that followed him were not brainwashed - they were educated, smart people, some were even leaders in their day. I may be brainwashed & a little loopy, so you better be careful, eh? ; ) These people testify to this Jesus. And, like Rosita was saying, if we reject this gospel, one of peace, but one of great commitment & cost, we spend forever separated from this same Jesus.
So when I was listening to Rosita today, the question I found myself asking was, what is the truth?
C.S. Lewis once said that we could believe that Jesus was one of three things: a liar, a lunatic, or lord. What is the truth? You have to pick one. So, on this rainy day, I thought of another song, and it's my prayer for you and for me.
(chunks from) Rain Down by Delirious:
Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy, feels like the winds are gonna change.
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready, its time for heaven's rain.
Chorus:
Because it's living water we desire, to flood our hearts with holy fire.
Rain down all around the world we're singing;
Rain down can you hear the earth is singing?
Rain down my heart is dry but still I'm singing;
Rain down, rain it down on me.
Back to the start, my heart is heavy. Feels like it's time to dream again!
I see the clouds, and yes I'm ready to dance upon this barren land. : ) (Macarena!)
Hope in my hands! Chorus...
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts.
Give me strength to cross the water. Keep my heart upon Your altar.
Give me strength to cross this water. Keep my feet don’t let me falter.
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts, open up our hearts.
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts, open up our hearts.
I had such a fun day today. It was refreshing after a rough patch of days. Mondays are always fun because it is my dad's day off, and so we celebrate with things like going out to eat (nothing fancy - just like Taco Bell's tostadas or something fun and cheap), or going to a store, or getting hot chocolate from Starbucks. Or, in his case working on the house. Fun, fun, fun! He built my ramp on a Monday, and installed the guard rails on a Monday, and tries to get the honey-do stuff done on a Monday. Today he went shopping with my mom and I all day. On a Monday. He's a good man. Having four daughters is a hefty responsibility, and he handles it well. He has to go shopping a lot. Or wait in the car. Pretty sure he never would have imagined it that way, but he takes it all in stride. He sometimes likes shopping...I don't know if he'll admit it. : )
Anyway, we spent a large majority of the day at the mall nearby my house. Strolling and rolling around - it was super. I'm getting more and more used to people staring at me, and I've gotten to the point where I just pretend like I don't see people gawking (and I mean gawking) at me so they can stare freely, and try to figure out why the heck a chick is in a wheelchair being wheeled around with both legs straight up in the air. Guess away, my friends, guess away. It sounds like a really fun game.
The sweetest old lady came up to us while the three of us were sharing our Chinese food plate, and started talking to us about Jesus. It was so fast, one second she was asking me what happened to my legs, and then the next second she was telling us about how we needed Jesus in our live - she started sharing the gospel (a short description of Jesus' life, how it applies to our lives, and how we respond as human beings. The gospel is the hope that is found in Jesus. In case you didn't know. Like me. : ) It was a crazy encounter! Her name was Rosita. She smelled so good; like roses with a hint of sweet grandma. Anyway, I love listening to peoples' stories, and we definitely got to hear some of her life story. Most definitely. My parents and I prayed with her & went on our way.
One thing I noticed though is how much differently she presented the gospel than I do. She kept saying (and I really should say yelling) things like "You're going to hell without Jesus", or "separation for eternity from Him".
As a human being, I don't like hearing those words. As a Christian, I read them, and I still don't like them. The truth of the matter is that what she was saying is actually something that Jesus talked about in the Bible. Jesus only spoke truth, and sometimes he said some harsh things - he claimed to be the only way to heaven. I came across a verse today, and it kind of put things in perspective for me. (I have had a lot of things put into perspective for me in the last weeks, but it continues even still. I guess life truly is a life-long journey. : )
Jesus is talking to his disciples (in Mark 13, Mark being the disciple), and he's telling them that they are going to be beaten, flogged, hated, and killed because they associated themselves with Him. I mean, I'm sorry, but I may have just quietly tip-toed away at that point in the conversation. Like, "whistle whistle whistle...GONE." No one would have had time to say, "Where's Catie?", (which they often do...) I can see me now...sneaking around buildings, Mission Impossible style, unattaching myself from narrowing eyes. I mean, come on. Flogging? Death? But the disciples were so enthralled by Jesus that they stayed. He. Was worth it. I mean, I'm sure their knees were shaking, and their heads were spinning (and mine would have been too), but they stayed! It really says something about Jesus, doesn't it? These were smart people, and yet they were drawn to Jesus in such unimaginable ways. I am too.
Jesus then warns them that people are going to lie about the Messiah, but that they should remember what they have seen (and some of them even go on to write down those things they have seen.) Then he gets to a part about a tree. I just love trees. Soooo...Mark 13:28-37:
“Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near." (Unless strange weather patterns keep them blooming so that their leaves are coming out in November too...ha ha just kidding. Catie commentary ending now.) "Even so, when you see these things happening, you know that it is near, right at the door. Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. ...It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch. Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back—whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!'”
This is an intense verse. There's even...an exclamation point! It made me think of my intense Rosita encounter. I do not like to think about dying or passing away, and yet my very life could have been taken from me. I'm certainly thinking about it now! I think it is important to reflect upon the fact that our lives are but a mist, a vapor in the wind. We are so finite in the grand scheme of things, and I think we too easily get caught up in our own universes. We grow arrogant, and self-righteous because we forget these truths.
I mean, seriously, every year I'm disgusted by reports of people being trampled because others are so focused on what they want. For things that will be old news the following year, but who thinks of that when you're in the front of the line at Target because you've been waiting since 12:00am Central Time, and you really really really want that new T.V.! Did you know that someone died on Black Friday last year!? I've stopped going out on BF because it disgusts me. I'm not judging all people that do; some people do it and have a sense of contentment deep down in their souls. Even if they don't get that thing, they'll be ok, and you know, they might just let that jerk cut them in line. GASP! It's so easy though, isn't it? To get so caught up in the go go go mantra of our culture. I do. Get get get. More more more. You must must must have this this this. It's never-ever ending. And it's always so enticing, so delicious, but always so illusive. We never. seem. to. have. enough.
One of my favorite lines in that passage is this one:
"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
How much more important do Jesus' words become in that moment? The real question is: do we believe those words? Are they really true? Some of you may just stop reading here because you don't believe that Jesus was real, or that he existed. Some may disagree that Jesus was God; maybe you think he was a great prophet. Others might say that he was a great person, a figure to aspire to be like in life. Still others say that he was a crazy-head who was overly involved in politics, or that he had an affair with Mary Magdalene. I don't know what you believe, and I don't know what you know of this Jesus.
What I believe and know is that the very Jesus talking in this verse, and all the others in the New Testament is the Jesus has changed my life. He has transformed my heart into what it is today, from a very self-focused, self-absorbed, self-appreciating, prideful, angry, and often unkind girl into someone who longs to made into his likeness: other-focused, enemy-loving, always kind, truthful at all times, patient to the point of blood boiling temperatures. Vulnerable. Meek. Lowly. Forgiving. He continues to transform my hear each day. I need him because he is the source of the things. The Source of Life. I believe that he was the Son of God, not because I like fairy tales, but because I believe the things I read in the Bible; he claimed to be the Son of God, and that's why I believe he is. And the people that followed him were not brainwashed - they were educated, smart people, some were even leaders in their day. I may be brainwashed & a little loopy, so you better be careful, eh? ; ) These people testify to this Jesus. And, like Rosita was saying, if we reject this gospel, one of peace, but one of great commitment & cost, we spend forever separated from this same Jesus.
So when I was listening to Rosita today, the question I found myself asking was, what is the truth?
C.S. Lewis once said that we could believe that Jesus was one of three things: a liar, a lunatic, or lord. What is the truth? You have to pick one. So, on this rainy day, I thought of another song, and it's my prayer for you and for me.
(chunks from) Rain Down by Delirious:
Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy, feels like the winds are gonna change.
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready, its time for heaven's rain.
Chorus:
Because it's living water we desire, to flood our hearts with holy fire.
Rain down all around the world we're singing;
Rain down can you hear the earth is singing?
Rain down my heart is dry but still I'm singing;
Rain down, rain it down on me.
Back to the start, my heart is heavy. Feels like it's time to dream again!
I see the clouds, and yes I'm ready to dance upon this barren land. : ) (Macarena!)
Hope in my hands! Chorus...
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts.
Give me strength to cross the water. Keep my heart upon Your altar.
Give me strength to cross this water. Keep my feet don’t let me falter.
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts, open up our hearts.
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts, open up our hearts.
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