Flexible.

I am so ready for bed.  I climbed up and down a flight of stairs three times today.  This is a first for me in about three months.  I look like a little kid, bumping down each stair on my butt.  The first time was to take a bath (yuck!), the second time to watch a movie, and the third time to swivel in a swively chair for a while.  It was fun, but I felt sick afterward. 

I have found it difficult to find contentment and patience in the last days.  Plans have changed quite a few times, and I'll think I get to go somewhere, and then it will start snowing like the dickens or my parents are over-tired from driving the twins around all day.  I totally get that, but it's hard to remain flexible.  And.  I haven't been taking my Vitamin D - big mistake.  If you don't take Vitamin D, you should.  It's good for you.  It keeps me sane.  Not taking it makes me insane.

I learned from my friend, the future Mrs. Klaers, that you can listen to the Bible online.  Isn't that crazy!?  This mysterious guy, with a deep, slightly English-sounding voice reads every word to you.  BibleGateway has a little speaker button I've never noticed, and I feel like I've discovered a secret.  This morning I was listening to John 2, my goal being to finish the book of John soon.  Jesus had to flexible!!!  Did you know that?!  I mean, I've read this passage a million times, and I realized that Jesus was flexible in John 2.

He is at a wedding with his mom, and all of his disciples.  The disciples have never been in my imagination when I think about the story, which I find funny.  He's only recently gathered all of his disciples together in the chapter before, and they were all invited to the wedding.  Mary was somehow closely related to the wedding party (I can't remember how), and so she becomes very concerned for the integrity of the family throwing the wedding shindig.  She comes to Jesus, (I've always imagined her out of breath), and says to him, 

"They have no more wine."

Jesus calmly responds by saying respectfully,
"Woman,why do you involve me?  My hour has not yet come."  
 
His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

I'm sure all of the disciples watched as Jesus instructed the servants to fill six stone water jars with water, and it is this water that is turned into the best wine of the days-long celebration.  I don't know how I would have responded if I were Jesus.  I think it's interesting that his mother makes a statement instead of asking him a question (was this a habit of hers to keep from putting Jesus in a hard place?), that Jesus feels his hour hasn't yet come (what was his hour supposed to be?), and that Mary goes ahead and tells the servants to do whatever Jesus tells them, even though she knows he is displeased (was it because everyone was already drunk?)

Even JESUS had to be flexible!  His hour had not yet come, and yet he was called into a place where he had to make a decision about how to respond, still having to honor both his Heavenly Father, and his mother.  Jesus was perfect, but I'm sure he had to think very carefully about his actions.  The disciples believed in him after that point; it was the first of many signs that he was the Messiah. 

I just think that it is funny that Jesus is called to flexibility at this point in his story: he put his mother before himself, and was patient when he had to do something that he probably didn't really want to do.  I just admire him because he always practices what he preaches, something that I can stand to work on.

Long.

Brooke Fraser is seriously such an amazing song-writer.  I'm givin' that girl some major props this evening because she is such an amazing servant of Jesus.  What an encouragement she has been to me in the last years.  I can't wait to sing with her in heaven.  After we've sung for ten-thousand years straight, in a great ocean of people, I'm going to pick up some instrument I've never seen, and she & I are going to sing songs, that we've both never heard, together.  While riding on dinosaurs.  I'm completely serious about the dinosaur part too.  Laugh at me all you want, but they'll be there.  Just you wait.

Last night as I was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, I kept thinking about how morning was going to come.  I thought about it for a grand total of, like, 30 seconds because I was out like a light.  It was a traumatic, frustrating day.  : )  Anyway.  It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?  The morning.  Heaven is going to be like a thousand beautiful mornings all wrapped up into one.  The kind of morning where you wake up in your warm cocoon, the sun shining (or not, if you like it better that way.  My friends from Vietnam like it better when it's cloudy because it rains there so much), with the promise of a new day is ahead of you. 

Brooke wrote a song called the C.S. Lewis Song.  Clive Staples Lewis is one of my heroes, and, last night after I had written about pain, I heard this song on Pandora: 

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here.
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found?
On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cos my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

If you have time, you can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHpuTGGRCbY

I always love it when themes from my week seem to align like the stars.  When I find myself in that holy place, and God clearly speaks to me.  If you've never experienced this, I pray that one day you do.  I'm not a crazy person, I promise.  I pray that one day you will just know that God is talking to you through a song, or through the sermon, or through a dancing little girl twirling freely in the lobby, full of joy...completely unashamed.  When the stars align and you know that God sees you.  And is crazy about you.

That happened to me this morning as I was listening to the sermon; the themes of my week collided.  The pastor was talking about how Christ-followers are aliens in this world.  Christians are weird, aren't they?  I mean, my eyes get huge sometimes.  Especially when I'm excited.  And, I've always sort of clapped a little off beat, but there's nothing like hearing it from the leader of a church.  "You're an alien."  What he was really talking about is that nothing in this world can satisfy me like Jesus.  Pain is real, life can be long & hard, frustrating even, but there is so much hope found in heaven.  It is there that I need to focus on.

God actually talks about this in Scripture.  He talks about how people who commit to following Jesus don't belong to the world.  It's temporary; our home is in heaven.  This is where the C.S. Lewis Song comes in: "We are not long here, our time is but a breath."  Make it count.

I used to be really afraid to think about heaven because I have this tendency to be really skeptical and doubtful.  And just, well, afraid.  I saw this picture a couple of days ago, and I could not stop laughing.  It's Jesus riding on a long-neck.  Holding an alligator.  : )  This picture is making fun of me.  Here's why:  Well, first of all.  I believe in Creationism, and that's pretty much a punch to my world's science-minded gut right there.  To be quite honest, I'm still figuring out what exactly I believe.  But I can't tell you how much I love science.  But then, I was talking about how I wanted to ride on dinosaurs in heaven in my small group.  Two hours later I saw this on Facebook.  Now I know I sound like a crazy person, but my logic is this: if God created dinosaurs in the beginning of time, then they were in the garden. You with me?  And if dinosaurs were in the garden, they would have let people ride on them.  If they were in the garden, why wouldn't they be in heaven?  And why wouldn't they let people ride them there too?  It is possible that I'm a little too big for my britches.  I have to admit, if I do actually stand before a Brontosaurus, I'm gonna pee my pants before I do anything else.

It's hard not to wonder.  And, I mean, it's really laughable for some people.  If you've ever seen The Invention of Lying, you get a clearer idea of how some perceive heaven.  An invention for hope for those close to death, a carrot to dangle in front of a face or two, a threat from religious leaders (if not heaven, then hell, right?)  I have caught myself thinking, "Does it really exist, God?  Really?"  I mean, what if it really was a figment of an imagination?  Is it literal or figurative?  And will it hurt my mom's feelings?  Like, that our home isn't really home?  And then, to get there you have to die.  In the words of Scooby-Doo...Ruh-roh.
 
But here's the deal: God only speaks the truth.  I don't think he would lie to us about heaven.  Scripture is truth because it is the very breath of God.  Heaven transcends time.  It transcends logic.  But, it is a reality.  All joking aside, (there may not be dinos...I'll be okay if there aren't), heaven is a reality in Scripture.  It isn't just some fantasy, or a figment of imagination  It. Is. Home.  A warm, sweet-smelling, beautiful, open-spaced home.  I think about how often I think about home when I'm away from it, especially when I miss my family or I'm going through a hard time or I'm excited to celebrate someone's birthday or hear their concert.  And, maybe for you, home has a negative connotation; for that, I'm sorry.  Heaven is a joyful home, friends.  It is on the forefront of my mind; my home.  The best part for me is going to be seeing Jesus for the first time.  Can you imagine?  I'm running straight into his strong arms.

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here.

We are not long here.