Is a gift.
Is to be lived!
You know what I realized tonight? I never really expected to live past 30. Seriously. I think that all my life I have somehow managed to suppress my thoughts about life past 30. Part of the reason is denial. And, probably a lack of desire to assume responsibility. And the junk that comes with old age. Let's just be honest here. I've got this denial thing down.
But, the other part of it is that Jesus only lived to that age. Half of my life has been spent knowing him, and wanting to know him more, wanting to be exactly like him. The other half was spent thirsty for him, lost and filled with guilt. I guess I have just always thought, "Well, if it worked for Jesus, it works for me."
Now all of this may be an over-share. I understand if you think it's sort of a morbid way to look at life, but I really didn't realize it until tonight; this has been my way of (really hidden) thinking.
But Jesus did not come to offer me death at the age of 30.
"While he was saying this, a synagogue leader came and knelt before him and said, “My daughter has just died. But come and put your hand on her, and she will live.” Jesus got up and went with him, and so did his disciples.
Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.”
Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.
When Jesus entered the synagogue leader’s house and saw the noisy crowd and people playing pipes, he said, “Go away. The girl is not dead but asleep.” But they laughed at him. After the crowd had been put outside, he went in and took the girl by the hand, and she got up. News of this spread through all that region." - Matthew 9:18-26
Okay. So, there's a few things that I found in this passage tonight. One, I am amazed at the faith of the synagogue leader. He often gets forgotten in my mind. I mean, I'm pretty sure that most Jewish synagogue leaders wouldn't be caught dead asking Jesus for help. In fact, I'm pretty sure that most of them wanted him dead. I'm pretty sure they got what they wanted, actually. For a few days anyway... Jesus doesn't bat an eyelash at this plea, even though I'm sure his stomach was rumbling: no one had stopped questioning him at Matthew's dinner. (P.S. - Why do you think his disciples went with him?)
Two, this line: "Jesus turned and saw her." Ahhhhh! It's my favorite! Jesus turned and saw her. And you know, I'm pretty sure that he didn't just "see" her see her; he saw her. Like penetrating through every wall that she had ever built, seeing the needs she didn't even know she had, seeing her entire past & entire future flash before his eyes. And loving her anyway.
Then. My other favorite part. "Take heart, daughter...your faith has healed you."
Oh man. I love the language. Take heart. Daughter. Faith & healing. They are not just happy-sounding words that I am throwing around on the internet. They mean something to me. They are the truth! I just want to shout at the top of my lungs, on the cliff of my heart (like Ricola cough drop style), "TAKE HEART, CATIE!" Sometimes my heart feels so weak. I can totally relate to that woman, and being subject to pain for 12 years. (As of this summer, I will officially have spent 12 years with Jesus, and 12 without.)
Today, I helped my beautiful grandmother set her dining room table for our Easter dinner. For the first time, we didn't have to reconfigure the furniture so my wheelchair would fit. I didn't make like circles in the carpet with my crutches. I didn't have to ask for things to be delivered to me every 30.4 seconds. I drove there even. I have seen healing. And do you know what? It is only by my faith in Jesus Christ that I have been healed. (And I have been healed in more ways than one.)
When I say that, I am afraid that you will laugh. Or roll your eyes, or whatever. But I mean it. What Jesus teaches me at the end of that passage was that I need not be afraid of others reactions. It is the truth. He sets the perfect example by not letting the doubt and fear (laughter) of the people around him stop him from walking up to that little girl, taking her by the hand, and giving her new life.
I am forever thankful that He is still alive to do the same for me.
