Coffee at 12:30 this afternoon? Bad life decision. I haven't been able to fall asleep lately because I'm coming off of my Neurontin. I am no longer taking any pain medication! The problem is that I think my body was getting used to this medicine as an aid for sleeping. (The bottle has all sorts of "sleepy" warnings plastered all over it...) The other problem is that now all of my nerves are waking up, and have this tendency to say, "HELLO" at random times.
On the way to the coffee shop this afternoon, Bowgirl and I stopped at a gas station to fill my car up, (cry). I am continually thankful for her, and the fact that she is willing to drive an hour every week to spend a handful of hours with me, and much of that time is spent helping me with stuff. Today her assistance included a fill-up at the station, but before she could get out of my car, I had my door open and my feet on the ground. The only problem was that I didn't have my crutches under my little armpits; I was about to stand on my left leg. (!!!) I had completely forgotten about my feet! I pulled my foot back in, and started laughing because I couldn't believe I had tried to hop out of my car like I did. I literally had forgotten about my foot.
Later, Bowgirl was like, "You know, that's exactly what it's like when you become a Christian. You experience this sense of freedom once you realize that Jesus has forgiven you & redeemed you, and then, out of habit, you try to revert back to what you did before you committed your life to Christ. You forget."
A. Men.
I forget so easily. It's bad. And, the word "remember" has been on my mind a lot lately. I think God is trying to tell me something, and I think he has been trying to tell me for a long time. I don't know if it's because I feel like this leg of the journey is coming to a close, or if it's because I can't remember half of the stories I tell people, or if it's because I need my Superwoman PT to make a list of the exercises I do so I can remember them when I get home. Which I don't. I just forget. I forget who I am, I forget where I've been & what I've done (except my mistakes...) I forget about what I'm supposed to be doing, I forget about my priorities, I forget about who I want to be.
But, the amazing part is that God saves me from myself again and again. Oh grace. I would be wandering around lost in the woods right now (probably eating grass & pine cones) if it weren't for the help of the Holy Spirit. It is him that helps me to remember. And it is Him that deserves every morsel of credit too.
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God...
What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us." - 2 Timothy 1:7-8, 13-14
I must confess, I have never met Timothy. But I trust that these words were spell-checked & proof-read by God, and I trust Him. I have to remind myself of that in the first place, even when I'm ingesting Scripture. Sometimes I catch myself forgetting about it's authority over my life...I will not lie to you, I have even wondered, "Can I really believe this?" Even better: "Do I practice this?"
We even need the Holy Spirit's help with understanding what He's saying in the first place, let alone remembering it. And we need help discerning whether or not we are practicing what we believe. I find it so interesting that Tim is encouraging the church to guard their faith & love in Jesus; in my opinion, they can be forgotten. What I am so so so thankful for, and will eternally sing about, is the help that God gives us.
I think that I've shared these lyrics before, but this song is stuck in my brain. Lead Me To The Cross by Hillsong will never lose it's meaning for me. I will remember this song for as long as I live.
Savior I come
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemptions hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
