White elephant parties are fun. I had the pleasure of spending time this evening with all of the young adults at SpringBrook Church tonight, and I had a fabulous time. It's funny because when I get nervous I either: 1) Can't stop talking, 2) Laugh and talk really loud, or 3) Completely shut down and pretend to be shy so I don't have to talk to anyone. I can't help it. One and two are genetic - my father is the exact same way. One and two also come even when I'm not nervous. One and two prevailed this evening.
We played games, ate yummy food , and just hung out. It was so refreshing. It's always good to get out of the house, (even thought I don't always want to), and spend time laughing with people. I got a pretty bowl, a music box, matches, and I got a motorcycle helmet, which I actually needed! Seriously! The one that I use for my dad's bike is too small, so I'm excited to try it out. Pretty sure I can get on a motorcycle with a cast - if it comes to that. We won't ride until May.
Anyway, tonight I may have stuck my foot in my mouth a couple of times, but I had fun. I started talking about diaphoresis, but with complete strangers. My friend, Mama Berndt (that's what I call her anyway), taught me about this condition early on in my college years. Diaphoresis means "excessive sweating". While I was excessively sweating this evening, I started talking about my excessive sweat. Nobody really thought it was funny. I'm pretty sure they thought it was gross. Whoops. I guess sweating isn't one of those safe bodily functions to talk about. I think diaphoresis is funny, and I really do sweat a lot, so...don't really know what to say. My wheelchair makes me sweat a lot, okay?!
I'm growing more accustomed to my boot on my right foot. It's not so bad. It's sweaty too. I think I was just really really tired last night, which led me to feel more panicky. I still don't like having my foot out in the open for anyone to accidentally land on, but I'm feeling much better.
My absolute favorite part of the evening was getting to the church early (my sisters had a band concert, and I was dropped off on the way...one twin wasn't too comfortable with me going, otherwise I would have...) I wheeled into the lobby of our church, and sat amongst the most beautiful Christmas trees. I put some music on, and just sat and journaled for an hour or so with the trees lighting my pages. It was wonderful. It felt like taking a deep breath after you forget to breathe for a little while. Or a sigh. I love sighing.
One of the many, many things I was able to process was the fact that I feel sometimes like I'm sleeping my way through life. I look back on things, and I'm like, "Did I really do that? Was I really there? Why can't I remember it more clearly?" One of the songs I listened to was such an encouragement. Some of the lines go like this:
"Illuminate my cloudy view, until Christ consumes my frame.
Awake, awake oh sleeper!
Awaken me, open my eyes.
I want to see all you have for my life.
Awaken me, let your sunrise!
Darkness will flee in your marvelous light!"
I just love it. I love it when I'm listening to songs, and the theme connects with one I'm wrestling with in my life. The connection is divine. The spark lights a fire in my heart. Sitting in silence is valuable, but I know God created me to sing his songs. And to hear his songs. And his voice.
I just love the lines in that song. If I could change one, it would be: I want to dance in your marvelous light. One of the things I'm looking forward to, when I can walk again, is dancing. It's like Christ consuming my frame. I'm not very good, but I just love dancing, and I think when I can be on my feet and move around more, I am going to take ballet lessons. Can't wait to get sweaty there either. I promise I'll shave my legs & pitties first. And I won't talk about poop. Hopefully.
