The End.

I have officially arrived at the tail-end of the journey.  Wanna know how I know?

I DROVE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

First time in four months.  I'm pretty sure I haven't felt that way since the first time I rode in my car by myself - windows down & music blaring.  Just don't tell my doctor.  Apparently, there could be an issue with my ability to slam on the brakes, but I think all systems are go.  My mom whipped into the church parking lot and let me do a little test run, so you don't have to freak out or anything.  She's a smart lady.  Pretty sure she wouldn't let me do anything too stupid.  It's like riding a bike.  It came back pretty easily.  Talk about new beginnings.

We got home after a short 500-foot stint (the church is right across the street from my house), and I just looked at her while we sat in the driveway.  The end is near.  Not the end, the end, but the kind of end where the light at the end of the tunnel gets really bright.  Just to clarify.

Later, after she & I had dropped my sister off at her violin lessons, I piped up (like any eager 15 or 16 year-old...I have no shame) and said, "Hey!  Can I drive?"  "Sure!", was the reply.  So I hobbled into the driver's seat, and put her to D.  (You should see my mad skillz with the e-brake...I use my right foot to unlock it & it has to be funny to watch.)  I got going down a busy four-lane street, and I started getting nervous.  "Is this really like riding a bike?  I mean, I'm pretty sure bikes don't weigh a ton."  The my mom tried to calmly question: "Why are you hugging the curb so close?  Catie, you need to get over.  Do you always hug the curb like that?  Catie, you really should give them some space.  Allow for space, Cate.  GIVE THEM SOME SPACE." 

*gasp*!!!

Just kidding. 

It brought back so many memories.  Except this time I felt equipped with humility, and just said, "Okay.  You got it, mommy-o."  Just like that.  I got into the middle, and I gave them some space.  No sarcasm, no snarky or snide remarks.  Eventually, we made it to Target, where everyone did a double take...  "Did that girl just get out of the driver's seat with crutches?"

Why, yes, she did. 

Little do they know that my right foot works.  And that it can drive. 

: )

Circles.

I spent the night with my grandma last night (super fun), and I woke up this morning wondering where I was.  I know that this happens to everybody; you wake up in a place you don't normally sleep, in a sleepy stupor, and that's the first thing you think, "Huh?  Where am I?"  Then you realize, "Oh yeah. I'm _____." 

I sort of feel that same way about the fact that it is the last day of February.  It has officially been four months since I first began this journey in my life, and I can't believe it has been that long.  Four months!?  Part of me wonders where the heck time has gone, and part of me feels like, "Man, I can't wait to walk normally again."

Although, I do have to say that, and I'm happy to report, that the crutches and I have a much better working relationship.  It was definitely touch and go; I wasn't sure that we could be together much longer.  The best part is that I woke up this morning, strapped on my boots, (did not have to climb down any stairs!), and I started cracking up as I hobbled into the living room.  When I walk, I look down to make sure that where I plant my crutches isn't going to be someplace wet, wobbly, or worrisome; this morning as I looked down, I noticed a few circles in the carpet.  Then, as I worked my way closer to the living room I noticed a few more.  Then a few more.  I stopped, and I realized that there were circles EVERYWHERE in my grandmother's carpet.  They are from the bottom of my crutches!  Dozens and dozens of little imprints of where I had been the night before.  Apparently, everywhere. : )

As we were riding to the house last night on the way home from my sister's concert, my dad was showing me pictures of when they first got to the hospital to see me.  They were pictures that I hadn't seen yet, and I couldn't even believe what I saw.  More circles.  More reminders of where I started this crazy journey.  It's still so surreal to me that I broke my legs four months ago today.  What months they have been. 

"He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and compassionate."  -Psalm 111:4

Discipline.

Discipline is a word that I don't like.  And at the same time I do.  (I find it cool that the word "disciple" is tied quite closely to discipline.)  I'm not very disciplined in certain areas of my life, and I don't like that.  Therefore, I don't always like discipline.  The problem is that the Bible says that God disciplines those he loves.  This is, ultimately, a really great thing because God shapes us and changes us and molds us and makes us into new people.  But it doesn't always feel good.

There is this weird muscle in my leg that's growing back in the shape of a giant grapefruit.  It's bizarre - it literally looks like there is a piece of fruit inside of my leg.  It's mostly just swollen because, "Like, whoa, there's something, like, standing on me now."  And apparently my right leg is from California.  My left one is from Minnesota.

I was reminded this evening of what it means to endure hardships.  They come in every single shape and size - conversations that are hard to have, thoughts to be tamed, people that we have a hard time understanding, physical & emotional pain, hurting hearts, broken bones, mending muscles.  You name it.  But we are called to endure those hardships, not just pretend like they aren't there, or hide from them with our heads in the sand.  Or, like me, whine about them until they go away.  Or peppermint Jo-Jo's magically appear.  We are called to strength.  A strength that can only be found in Jesus. 

I found this verse by accident tonight, but I found it quite fitting for my flabby little legs.

"Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees." -Hebrews 12:12

Flabby little legs, don't give up.
Friends, don't give up.  It's so worth it.

A song for the road.  Or for your head while you are in bed...

Consuming Fire

There must be more than this,
O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.

Fill us anew we pray.

Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God would You fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us.

Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.

Lord let Your glory fall.

Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
A passion for Your Name.

Pool.

Yesterday was officially my first day of aquatic therapy!  I'll summarize it for you in six sentences:

1. I looked (and felt) like a three year old on noodles.

 2.  I got into the pool on a super-scary & super-wobbly lift.

3.  I walked on my left leg for the first time without a boot.

(Yes, it felt really weird, and I walked like a penguin.)

4.  I did, in fact, doggie paddle.

5.  I am really sore today.

(Warning: NEVER type "sore" into Google.)

6.  My wheelchair was sad that it couldn't get in too.

Feet.

Even though 40% technically means "Needs Improvement" in the school system, it was a significant number in my life today.  I officially placed 40% (like, 150 pounds at this point in the game...) of my weight on my left foot today.  And it was legal!  I have kind of been babying it for the last several weeks, but I bit the bullet, and decided to go for the gold today.  Not too bad.

You may think my thoughts on feet and shoes might be a little excessive, but I have been thinking a lot about them in the last few days.  I'm thankful that they are still intact, and that they work.  It was touch and go for a while...

Jesus has so much to say about what we do with our feet.  One of my favorites, (and one that I was reminding myself to practice this evening), comes from the book of John.  Which, by the way, is such a cool book.  If you've never really read the Bible, or you find yourself unable to understand it, or you used to read the Bible & now you can't remember the last time you cracked its dusty pages open, can I just encourage you to read the book of John?  It's somewhat towards the back...there's a table of contents in case you didn't know that already.

Many people know the story of Jesus' death, or parts of it anyway, (and you would be surprised how many people don't...) And many people know that he hung out with his peeps the night before he was taken in to start the whole (excruciating) process leading up to that death.  It's sometimes referred to as "The Last Supper".  We never did use the word "supper" in our house.  I think it's a weird word.  I like to call it His last dinner.

While they were eating, Jesus all of sudden gets up, takes off everything but his underwear, puts on a towel, and fills up a water basin.  He bends down to start washing his disciples' feet, starting with Peter, and Peter objects.  (I mean, it could be a little awkward, right?  It's hard to allow people to serve us in ways like that...)  Jesus replied with this:

“You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
 
 “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

 Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."

My first response when I met Jesus was the same as Peter's.  "No!  I don't want you to do that!  I'm not willing to let you see that part of my heart, Jesus."  It's crazy-hard to allow Jesus to penetrate into the deepest depths of our souls.  

I've talked in church about how, culturally, washing feet was important - people accumulated a lot of dust and dirt throughout the day in Jesus' day.  Guess they didn't know about socks and tennies then.  But what Jesus was doing in this passage was taking on the position of a servant.  One that would wash the feet of the very person who is responsible for the beginning of a grueling and painful process, ending in death!  Can you imagine?  There aren't a lot of people in my life that have hurt me badly, but the few that have hurt me have done a good job.  In more ways than I think I know right now.  But to be like Jesus means to forgive those people before they even say sorry, if they ever say sorry.  To be like Jesus means to place ourselves, literally, below other people, not caring what the world may think.  It can sometimes be difficult to serve others, and it can be difficult to allow others to serve us.  But it's important to do both.

And what do you think Peter understands later in his life?  After Jesus has died, and after he remembers those words spoken to him on that night?  I'm not entirely sure because I'm not telepathic & I don't think you can speak to dead people.  But, I do know that Peter describes a lot of what he knows in the two books he writes.  In the first chapter of his first book he writes this:

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls."  1 Peter 1:6-9

There has been little on this journey that I have been able to deem "suffering", but even when there was, is, and will be suffering, I am so thankful for the continued faithfulness of my Father.  May it all result in the praise, glory, and honor of Jesus Christ.

Shoes.

"If the shoe fits"..."Walk a mile in their shoes"..."Two things you can never have to many of: good friends & good shoes"

Dorothy.  Cinderella.  Jimmy.  (As in Jimmy Choo...)

People are semi-obsessed with shoes.  I mean, fifty years ago, I don't think people had (on average) as many pairs of shoes as we, both men and women, own today.  I guess we kind of always have been interested in shoes, but I think it used to be for functionality's sake.  Would you agree?  Except for maybe the Dutch.  Then again, I'm pretty sure they danced in those wooden shoes.  And I have no idea why women in China used to take pride in size -4 feet.  I mean, shoes do serve a very important purpose!  Snow boots keep our feet from getting too cold, flip flops are good for on-the-go...and the beach...tennis shoes are great for running, rain boots are for rain, loafers are for work?, wooden shoes are good for dancing, dress shoes are what you wear at a wedding...unless you are at the beach... the list goes on and on. 

Here are some of my favorites that I found on my 10-second Google search:

  Love Toms.  If you haven't heard of them, check it out at: http://www.toms.com/our-movement

I got to thinking tonight, (after walking on a shoe today for the first time in nearly four months), about the kind of shoes Jesus would have worn.  What do you think his feet looked like?  Where do you think he got his sandals?  Do you think there were different styles or levels of comfort?  Arch support?  Did he have people in his own household that would ever wash his feet? 

We know that he wore sandals because he lived in a desert, and it's in the Bible (get this - the word "sandal" is in the Bible 35 times!)  One such verse is this one:

"I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire." -Matthew 3:11

John the Baptist (get it?) is the person talking here.  I don't know if you know this, but he was Jesus' cousin.  The outer sentences of this verse are kind of loaded, and I don't fully understand what John meant, but I always remember the second sentence.  John the Baptist was showing so much humility in that sentence, but I really think that it shows how Jesus truly was his King.  Upon first glance, I don't think Jesus looked like royalty.  But we see in Scripture, time and time again, how people treat his feet with the utmost reverence.  They were responding to his character, and to his heart.  He truly was the Son of God.  Royalty.

Tonight, on my 10-second Google search for fun & funny shoes, I found this picture:

It broke my heart.

I probably own 20 pairs of shoes.  This kid is wearing water bottles.

It's sheer genius, but it breaks my heart nonetheless.  To me, this just epitomizes Jesus.  His heart broke for people who were in need, and for people that oozed humility, and for the kids who came running up to him in abandonment.

There are a million parallels that I can think of between this picture & my life, and Jesus' life for that matter, but all I'm going to say tonight is that I'm so thankful that Jesus sees these beautiful feet, and that he has given us opportunities to use ours to share.

Cellular.

Reason number 203 that Catie is looking forward to walking normally again (even though she has 406 things to be thankful for right now):

Being able to talk on her cell phone.

When I was running up and down the stairs, many moons ago, I was running up and down the stairs quite frequently.  I forget things, you see.  A lot of things.  I mean, just walking out the door in the morning usually meant at least three separate trips back up to my room.  No lie.  Ask the poor woman who slept right below the staircase for 8 months.  So, nowadays, it's tricky business.  I mean, you're talkin' to the kid that's only been going on "the big girl potty" for about two weeks.  It seriously takes a ton of time to climb up that stupid flight, and a lot of energy because I'm still scooting up on my butt.

So I head upstairs between 9 & 11, depending on whether or not I'm going to read.  And what's on T.V.  T.V. is usually the influencing factor.  On a normal night, I would make all of my calls after 9...that's when it's free.  (If you don't know this already, I'm kind of a cheapwad.  Obsession of 2010: coupons.) Well, the last few nights I have been forgetting to grab it when I go upstairs.  Going upstairs is a big deal, so I can't just dash back down to get it.  Every night I have realized my forgetfulness once I've gotten alllllllllllll the way to the top of the stairs.

All I have to say is, "Whoops!"  Guess we'll talk tomorrow.  : )
I'm just thankful that my friends exemplify grace so well.





This blog post is dedicated to Alaina Christine.