Hope.

Tomorrow is my first doctor's appointment since I left the hospital.  I was supposed to be there for two weeks, but ended up leaving after five days.  It's the super-human strength I possess.  Ha ha.  Yeah right.  It's because the surgeon decided to pack two surgeries into one.  And my parents are amazing.  The funniest part is that he actually said to us, "I wasn't very hopeful about the surgery, but I am really surprised at how well it went.  I'm really proud of our work."  Freeeeeeakyyyyyy.  So technically I would have been leaving the hospital tomorrow, but I am actually re-entering it.  Funny, huh.  I am so thankful for this doctor though; he has this doctory way about him, but he's really funny at the same time.  Like in a dad-humor kind of way.

He gave me great hope when he said that he was proud of his work.  He wasn't hopeful in the beginning, but then in the end it worked out just fine.  They are still unsure about my left foot, the one I broke my talus bone in.  (See Talus here: http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/topic.cfm?topic=A00170)  I found this wonderful website last week after googling "talus bone".  A fractured talus bone means, "your foot function will be impaired, you will develop arthritis and chronic pain, and the bone may collapse."..."If the blood supply is disrupted, the bone tissue could die, a condition called avascular necrosis or osteonecrosis. This could cause the bone to collapse. Even if the bones heal properly, you may still experience arthritis in later years. Most of the talus is covered with articular cartilage, which enables bones to move smoothly against each other. If the cartilage is damaged, the bones will rub against each other, resulting in pain and stiffness."  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.  And this stuff may happen, not will happen.  But still.

Now, the doctor said that he had to remove a lot of "giblets" from my foot - that's orthopaedic surgeon terms for excess bone and cartilage.  My talus bone being fractured was a really big deal - it has four screws in it (left foot), and my right leg has 18, but they are more concerned about the left foot.  Even if the bones heal properly, I may experience arthritis in later years.

"Where is the hope in that?", you may wonder, but I'm just going to get straight to the point.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. -1 Peter 1:3-9

Can you believe that these words are actually in the Bible?  I mean, think about it.  The Bible is at least two thousand years old.  Peter, the author, wrote these things down - a completely different person from a completely different time period.  And yet it's completely and totally applicable to my life.  And to your life.  This is what I love most about being a Christ-follower...the food of God is so filling. I used to get so confused by the Bible, but sticking with it for 13 years has been a blessing.  We're becoming good, good friends.

For some of you, these verses may be kind of intense.  Fire, salvation of your souls, new birth, resurrection...there are a lot of heavy things in these verses, but for those of you who haven't ever committed your lives to following this man, Jesus, I want you to ponder this:  "Though we have not seen him, we can love him, believe in him, and be filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy."

I feel so much hope because I love Jesus.  I've given my life to him, my future to him, my relationship status on Facebook to him, my family to him, my time to him, my things to him, my gifts to him, my failures to him: everything.  I'm constantly surrendering everything to him.  And he takes it all, and gives me love.  Grace.  Mercy.  Wisdom.  Guidance.  Patience.  Peace.  Kindness.  Faithfulness.  Gentleness.  Love.

Tomorrow is going to be a really, really rough day, and I'm probably going to cry a lot.  I don't like hearing that I'm going to be in pain for what will probably the rest of my life.  I want to play frisbee again, and go rock climbing again, and to be able to take my grandchildren for long walks to the park.  The continual sinking in of not being able to walk for three months is really hard for me.  I say this not so that you will feel bad for me, but so that you know that at the exact same time, I feel an inexpressible and glorious joy.  And it's NOT because I'm a strong person, or because I'm good at heart, or I've been a good person in my life, but because I am being filled. The Bible says that this hope is alive, like, it has a heart-beat and everything.  Though we may suffer, we can still rejoice; I pray that you find much hope in that, and that it causes you to truly think about why you are living your life.  Because, as I've said before, following Jesus wherever he leads is scary, hard, and sometimes painful, but it is so WORTH IT!  To be filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy is...well..inexpressible.

Thank you, Abba, for hope.  The hope that we have in you.  To You be the praise, honor, and glory.