Fix.

One of my many nicknames is Flounder.  I was actually just called it as my parents headed up to bed.  "'Night, Flounder!"  Who knows where it comes from.  Probably The Little Mermaid.  I love the nickname, and I think that all of the nicknames my family has for one another bring smiles to our faces because they are meant out of love.  Squirt, Peanut, Pumpkin, Goober, Mr. Man, Mama, Louise.  It's like our hidden code, a secret language.

Hearing the word flounder brought a lot of things to my mind tonight though.  Not because it's a nickname, but the visualization it brings, especially after watching Finding Nemo yesterday.  (You know, the scene where he can't find the fish because they are hidden opposite his eyes?)  Sometimes I feel like I've floundered around in my life.  I've been thinking a lot this week about the idea of focus, probably because that was the main point of the sermon last Sunday.  Justin, the youth pastor at Springbrook (which is where I'm currently attending) talked about the importance of what we focus on in life.  It becomes a deep, deep part of who we are.  I have often been made fun of in my lifetime because I have this inability to focus at the "right" time or on the "right" things.

(I also have an inability to control myself in situations which a) I am nervous or uncomfortable, b) I am excited, or c) I'm really really tired.  I talk incessantly, and I can't stop.  Maybe everybody does this, but at some point I say something stupid, and then am pegged with that stupid comment for a while by people who have really good memories.  I don't happen to have a good memory.  I think it's because I put things out of my brain for a reason.  Example A: Dancing in casts on my bed.  I'm nervous, uncomfortable, excited, or tired quite often.)  Which is why writing a blog is humbling.  I have this fear of being misinterpreted or misunderstood.

But, I'm not writing for me.  I'm not writing for release or for therapy, I'm writing because I want to point to a bigger picture, paint a bigger picture.  Dictionary.com says that focus means, "a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity."  I want all attraction, attention, and activity in my life to be on Jesus, and I want other people to see Him when they see me.

2 Corinthians 4:17 & 18
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Light and momentary troubles can sometimes be felt as heavy and permanent.  I've got one month down, but I still have two or more to go.  The troubles that we face in life refine us as human beings, but in the moment it's hard to look to what is unseen.  The important piece in the equation is not just believing in ourselves - I've heard that too many times in my life & it has never worked for me; it is not enough to fix our eyes on good Things.  Family, provision, doing good, serving the community; these are all very good things, but they are still not enough.  The important piece is where we fix our eyes; they must be on Jesus.  Rerouting our eyeballs and our bodies and our brains to see what isn't seen.

Multi-tasking is highly valued in our culture today.  I mean, eating while driving while talking on your phone while driving while looking in the mirror while driving.  I've done it.  Don't even lie to me, I know you have too.  Watching T.V. and playing with the kids and having an important conversation with the spouse.  I've seen it done.  Checking your voicemail while checking your e-mail while checking your Facebook while checking your text inbox.  Smoothing over an issue at work while dealing with deep interpersonal issues while dealing with the issues of the people around you.  You name it.  And it's valued.  In fact, if you can't do it, then you are most likely out of the game.  You are considered a failure.

Troubles look different for everyone.  Fixing our eyes is a lot of work, especially in our culture.  It's hard for me to focus, to fix upon.  Really really hard.  While I read my Bible, my computer & my cell phone call my name.  When I pray, my mind can wander aimlessly for many minutes.  While my mom is trying to talk to me, the movie I paused or the book I put down calls my name.  When I fix my eyes on Jesus, romance & pessimism & pain & money & disappointment & fear & pride & position & status call my name.  Sometimes quite loudly.  But, by the grace of God, they remain on him still.  And when I look away, he cups my face & gently turns me back towards him.

I've been full of songs lately...here's yet another:

Fix your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.