Unfolding.

I painted a picture today of a little girl looking out of a window at a ladybug on a tree.  The little girl had a beard, and the tree had some fungal disease.  My friend from high school, Carolyn, was quite gracious to me, and kept saying, "It's a form of creative expression, and you're doing a good job."  Bless her heart.  It looked like a seven-year-old had painted it.  No offense, seven-year-olds.

It was funny for me to watch the painting unfold.  There were moments when I would mess something up & just want to be done, or I didn't know what to do next & I just wanted to be done.  There are so many kinds of things that unfold like that - your laundry if you do it with a two-year-old, paper when you are doing origami, and different kinds of events.  Events are things that unfold, right?  Sometimes over a long period of time, sometimes over a span of only a few days, or even a few minutes.

The idea of time is such an interesting concept to me.  So much has happened in the last 24 hours, things that I don't even know about.  All across the world people are doing different things at different times: sleeping & waking, eating & working.  Events happen in the small moments; the extraordinary unfolding itself out of the ordinary and the humble.  It's a mystery to me, and it's something that gets me really excited when I think about it.

I am reminded of this especially because my sister, Jen, is in India right now, a place I have always wanted to go.  I met a young, newlywed couple at a conference in 2006, called Urbana.  Their passion was for India, and the people there.  I admired them, and was so encouraged by my conversation with them.  Since that conversation, I have wanted to travel there, and when my sister received the opportunity, I was thrilled for her.  Their time difference is ten hours ahead of mine, so right now it is nearly 5:00am.  In a couple of hours, she'll be getting up & I'll be getting ready for bed.  I find myself wondering what she'll be doing in her next day, and what little events there that will make up such an incredible experience.  It's the little things that make the big things.  I'm praying that God teaches her what it means to be an ambassador of Jesus, not just in a country different from her own, but every day of her life.  She's such an amazing young woman.  You can see what she's doing in India here: http://utabsm.wordpress.com/

That is something that God has definitely taught me in the last years: what it means to be an ambassador.  I don't work for an embassy or anything (I wish!), but what it means to be an ambassador on Jesus' behalf.  Two years ago this month, I had the incredible opportunity to travel to Ireland.  The trip's focus was on reconciliation, and what that meant for the Church.  I went because it was a subject that I knew little about, and I wanted to learn more.  Reconciliation has many different definitions, so it proved to be a lot more difficult than I thought it would be.  Dictionary.com's definitions are okay...they aren't the best, but some of the definitions are: "to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired", "to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent", "to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable to compose or settle", "to reconsecrate", or "to restore."

2 Corinthians 5:18 & 19 says, "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation."

(The "All this" is talking about how when someone makes a commitment to follow Jesus & to be like him, they become a new being, a "new creation".  It was in the previous verse.  In case you were wondering...)

We are reconciled to God, in the Christian faith, by Jesus.  Our relationship with God is restored by Jesus, and the Bible claims that it is only by Jesus that this can happen.  The ministry of reconciliation is something I care about because I have received it.  My relationship with God was once quite broken, but Jesus reconciled me to God.  He restored us.  Then, when you make a commitment to follow Him, and be like him, and love like him, and think like him, and serve like him, you become his ambassador.  You literally represent Jesus because he takes your heart & makes it like his. You are his, and he is yours.

"We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."  (That's verses 20 & 21.)

Being an ambassador is a choice; it is a huge responsibility that Jesus-followers are given, but it is one that I have to choose everyday.  Becoming more like God each day is something I have to sort of invite myself to do.  What makes it difficult is that fear, pain, and/or frustration are barriers that can get in the way.

Yesterday was my first time upstairs for a bath.  I crawled up the stairs, scooted into the bathroom, and slid into the tub.  The choices that were being made by Catie Wollard at this point in time were made out of not only fear, but stress and temperature maladjustments.  I was freaking out, yet again.  To the point of tears.  "My cast is going to get wet!  I can't let my right leg soak too long!  You got the duct tape on my leg hair!!!"

It was so not how I envisioned my first bath at home; I had pictured a long, luxurious soak complete with bubbles and a good book.  Normalcy returned.  Freedom found.  Nope.  Freezing because I couldn't get the knob right, no soaking aloud, and really really uncomfortable.  It's in those moments, when my expectations let me down, that I truly have to choose to be an ambassador of Jesus.  Needless to say, my parents we not feeling the love.  At all.  And that's just a stupid bath.

An area of pain, (and an area that is way less superficial), that I still feel even after moving away is that Milwaukee, WI is the second most segregated city in the United States, behind Detroit, MI.  Different sources say different things, but Milwaukee & Detroit toggle back and forth.  Racial reconciliation is one kind of reconciliation that has become a priority in my heart because I think it is something that God deeply cares about: unity amongst his people.  Healing.  Peace.  Restoration.  There are Biblical calls to each of these things.  These things come in Jesus.  God calls his people to be ambassadors in places where they may not feel comfortable.

An area where I feel particularly frustrated is in where I'm going to work when I'm walking again.  I've talked about it several times before, but it's constantly resurfacing itself.  I'm frustrated with myself for not being more proactive, and having more direction & vision.  I'm sad that I've had to let go of the expectations that I have had for myself and my future job.

I have to choose to be an ambassador.  Daily.  To try and have the mindset of Jesus - I have to choose to care about the things that Scripture says Jesus cared about, no matter how I feel, or what society says.  And I have to continue to pray that God leads me where he wants me, and helps me to respond the way that he wants me to respond.

I'm so thankful that as my story unfolds, his grace does as well.