Risky.

So, all of the chocolate I got yesterday is pretty much gone.  I went on a sugar rampage, and I've justified it because I can walk now.  You know, "exercise".  Because taking 25 steps in a day definitely cancels out the 75plus grams of sugar I've consumed.  And it's confession time, apparently.

Plus, I probably took more than 25 steps.  My friend Bowgirl took me to Starbucks in HER CAR (where I may or may not have consumed more liquidy chocolate...yikes.) Yup, that's right.  I've officially graduated from the mini-van.  I'm taking some exciting steps this week, my friends.  I rode in the front seat, I used my crutches in public...it was beautiful.  I had a mini-freak out moment when I got to the curb, and I just had to stop.  I've never climbed up stairs or curbs with crutches before, so I had to re-route to the ramp.  For some reason, climbing down them is way easier than climbing up.  It's interesting to me because I always thought that I was someone who was okay with taking risks, but I'm realizing more and more how panicky I can get.  Especially when the risk of falling over is so high.  And in front of people.  Ugh.

I'm reading "The Celebration of Discipline" right now (great book), and I'm learning so much from Richard Foster.  He has such a cool story, and I appreciate the clarity that he brings to so many spiritual disciplines.  (For those of you who aren't familiar with spiritual disciplines, they are not magical things.  Foster describes them as, "a means of recieving God's grace.  They allow us to place ourselves before God so he can transform us."  SD's include things like fasting, confession, solitude, or meditation.  You know, just in case you were wondering...)  One of the things I came across this evening was the same thing that Bowgirl was excited about in Starbucks today (she read this paragraph & also liked it...) 

"What we see over and over again [in the book of Acts] is God's people learning to live on the basis of hearing God's voice and obeying his word.  This, in brief, forms the biblical foundation for meditation (only one of many spiritual disciplines...), and the wonderful news is that Jesus has not stopped acting and speaking.  He is resurrected and at work in our world.  He is not idle, nor has he developed laryngitis.  He is alive and among us as our Priest to forgive us, our Prophet to teach us, our King to rule us, our Shepherd to guide us."

Sometimes obedience to God can seem risky.  Sometimes it is costly, and sometimes it is scary.  Sometimes I just want to scream because I'm so frustrated by something, and sometimes I can whine more than a two-year-old.  But when I enter into a place where I can hear God's voice, and circle back to the why (even thought it's not always completely clear), I find strength.  I find courage.  I find hope.  Not in myself, but in God's presence; he provides those things for me.  I'm so thankful that he has a better memory than I do.

(And if you are wondering how the heck I "hear God's voice", you should read the Celebration of Discipline.  It starts with wanting to hear from him, and desiring a candid relationship with him.  When we create space in our hearts & in our minds & in our lives to truly listen, God speaks.  Clearly.  Softly, but clearly.  The Bible calls it a "still, small whisper" (1 Kings 19:12)...)

I'm looking forward to practicing more of these spiritual disciplines as I continue reading through this book, mostly because I am anxious to hear God's voice more clearly in my life.  I'm so thankful for the ways that he is already doing so, and the ways that he has spoken to me already.  I so long to know where he wants me to go next, and I am so thankful for his continued faithfulness toward me.  He is so worth the risks.