Foggy.

You know, this is such a weird time for me.  Can I just say?  I just have to say it out loud once, and I won't say it again.  And I'm not complaining, I'm just stating the obvious.  My awareness of this weirdness was heightened tonight when I fell asleep at 5:30p, and woke up...well...two hours ago.  Whoops.  I don't like it when I fall asleep so late in the day, but I couldn't fight off the urge to snooze, and I have been thinking and thinking and thinking for the last two hours.  Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to fall back asleep for a while. 

My whole world is in a bit of a fog right now, and a very weird transition time.  I find myself excited about so many things, but so nervous at the same time.  I can feel it outside too - this morning it was so sunny & beautiful, but super-cold.  Then it started to rain.  The grass is a poopy yellow color, but there are a few blades of green peeking out.  A Mourning Dove sat on my roof this morning cooing its brains out, but there was no response. 

It's so close to Spring, but Spring feels so far away.  We're right on the cusp, and it's driving me bonkers.  It's like itty bitty baby steps to get there.  I don't want to rush those steps, and I'm trying to still take it one day at a time, but it's challenging. 

I came across this verse tonight, and I started laughing:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  (Timothy 1:7)

Normally, this verse is used in the context of not being afraid - afraid of the future, afraid of struggle, afraid of myself or others.  What made me giggle tonight was those last two words: "sound mind".

Man, some days I feel like I don't even have a brain.  Those days usually correlate with how much milk & wheat I eat the day before, but I just wonder all the time, "What the heck, Catie?  Where is your head?"  In outer space.  I think it's interesting that, even though I'm in a fog sometimes, God continues to increase my faith in him, and he is teaching me what it means to trust him, love him, and love others.  "Sound mind" doesn't mean "perfect thinking", which we should strive for, or "robot brain" which we have to work against, but I think it means "clarity".

Instead of dwelling on all of the unknowns in my life, I find this verse causing me to press into the fold of my Father, and take comfort in the fact that my brain doesn't belong to me, it belongs to him. 

What a relief.