I painted a picture today of a little girl looking out of a window at a ladybug on a tree. The little girl had a beard, and the tree had some fungal disease. My friend from high school, Carolyn, was quite gracious to me, and kept saying, "It's a form of creative expression, and you're doing a good job." Bless her heart. It looked like a seven-year-old had painted it. No offense, seven-year-olds.
It was funny for me to watch the painting unfold. There were moments when I would mess something up & just want to be done, or I didn't know what to do next & I just wanted to be done. There are so many kinds of things that unfold like that - your laundry if you do it with a two-year-old, paper when you are doing origami, and different kinds of events. Events are things that unfold, right? Sometimes over a long period of time, sometimes over a span of only a few days, or even a few minutes.
The idea of time is such an interesting concept to me. So much has happened in the last 24 hours, things that I don't even know about. All across the world people are doing different things at different times: sleeping & waking, eating & working. Events happen in the small moments; the extraordinary unfolding itself out of the ordinary and the humble. It's a mystery to me, and it's something that gets me really excited when I think about it.
I am reminded of this especially because my sister, Jen, is in India right now, a place I have always wanted to go. I met a young, newlywed couple at a conference in 2006, called Urbana. Their passion was for India, and the people there. I admired them, and was so encouraged by my conversation with them. Since that conversation, I have wanted to travel there, and when my sister received the opportunity, I was thrilled for her. Their time difference is ten hours ahead of mine, so right now it is nearly 5:00am. In a couple of hours, she'll be getting up & I'll be getting ready for bed. I find myself wondering what she'll be doing in her next day, and what little events there that will make up such an incredible experience. It's the little things that make the big things. I'm praying that God teaches her what it means to be an ambassador of Jesus, not just in a country different from her own, but every day of her life. She's such an amazing young woman. You can see what she's doing in India here: http://utabsm.wordpress.com/
That is something that God has definitely taught me in the last years: what it means to be an ambassador. I don't work for an embassy or anything (I wish!), but what it means to be an ambassador on Jesus' behalf. Two years ago this month, I had the incredible opportunity to travel to Ireland. The trip's focus was on reconciliation, and what that meant for the Church. I went because it was a subject that I knew little about, and I wanted to learn more. Reconciliation has many different definitions, so it proved to be a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. Dictionary.com's definitions are okay...they aren't the best, but some of the definitions are: "to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired", "to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent", "to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable to compose or settle", "to reconsecrate", or "to restore."
2 Corinthians 5:18 & 19 says, "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation."
(The "All this" is talking about how when someone makes a commitment to follow Jesus & to be like him, they become a new being, a "new creation". It was in the previous verse. In case you were wondering...)
We are reconciled to God, in the Christian faith, by Jesus. Our relationship with God is restored by Jesus, and the Bible claims that it is only by Jesus that this can happen. The ministry of reconciliation is something I care about because I have received it. My relationship with God was once quite broken, but Jesus reconciled me to God. He restored us. Then, when you make a commitment to follow Him, and be like him, and love like him, and think like him, and serve like him, you become his ambassador. You literally represent Jesus because he takes your heart & makes it like his. You are his, and he is yours.
"We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (That's verses 20 & 21.)
Being an ambassador is a choice; it is a huge responsibility that Jesus-followers are given, but it is one that I have to choose everyday. Becoming more like God each day is something I have to sort of invite myself to do. What makes it difficult is that fear, pain, and/or frustration are barriers that can get in the way.
Yesterday was my first time upstairs for a bath. I crawled up the stairs, scooted into the bathroom, and slid into the tub. The choices that were being made by Catie Wollard at this point in time were made out of not only fear, but stress and temperature maladjustments. I was freaking out, yet again. To the point of tears. "My cast is going to get wet! I can't let my right leg soak too long! You got the duct tape on my leg hair!!!"
It was so not how I envisioned my first bath at home; I had pictured a long, luxurious soak complete with bubbles and a good book. Normalcy returned. Freedom found. Nope. Freezing because I couldn't get the knob right, no soaking aloud, and really really uncomfortable. It's in those moments, when my expectations let me down, that I truly have to choose to be an ambassador of Jesus. Needless to say, my parents we not feeling the love. At all. And that's just a stupid bath.
An area of pain, (and an area that is way less superficial), that I still feel even after moving away is that Milwaukee, WI is the second most segregated city in the United States, behind Detroit, MI. Different sources say different things, but Milwaukee & Detroit toggle back and forth. Racial reconciliation is one kind of reconciliation that has become a priority in my heart because I think it is something that God deeply cares about: unity amongst his people. Healing. Peace. Restoration. There are Biblical calls to each of these things. These things come in Jesus. God calls his people to be ambassadors in places where they may not feel comfortable.
An area where I feel particularly frustrated is in where I'm going to work when I'm walking again. I've talked about it several times before, but it's constantly resurfacing itself. I'm frustrated with myself for not being more proactive, and having more direction & vision. I'm sad that I've had to let go of the expectations that I have had for myself and my future job.
I have to choose to be an ambassador. Daily. To try and have the mindset of Jesus - I have to choose to care about the things that Scripture says Jesus cared about, no matter how I feel, or what society says. And I have to continue to pray that God leads me where he wants me, and helps me to respond the way that he wants me to respond.
I'm so thankful that as my story unfolds, his grace does as well.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
LandO'Lincoln.
Winter is in full swing in Illinois. I have come to love this state with as much fervency as I had before I fell in love with Wisconsin. I think it's because Illinois has more permanency than any other for me. The Land of Lincoln. That's what it says on my state's license plate. Did you know that Lincoln also lived in Indiana? And, obviously, in Washington D.C. Why don't their license plates say the same thing?
I was reading tonight in Weird Illinois that Abraham Lincoln was a deep thinker. Sometimes he would be working in his office, and his coworkers would notice him peering off into the distance. Often times it was for several minute stretches, and then, all of a sudden, he would snap out of it. I found it humorous because Abraham Lincoln was a man of great vision and foresight; he was incredibly ambitious. I don't imagine him daydreaming very often, other than for noble & presidential reasons. I felt a lot of hope as I was reading tonight because I find myself doing that same thing sometimes. I'll space out for a few minutes, and then snap back into reality after thinking about something really random for a while. It's quite a relief because I long to be like Lincoln; someone who has a strong work ethic, dependable, and full of follow-through, but I space out so often!
Me and Lincoln. Spacing out is our thing. Or, well, was our thing. We're buds.
Why is it that when we learn of famous peoples' weaknesses, we feel better about ourselves? I mean, entire businesses and industries rely on the humanity of famous people to make money. Think about how many magazines there are at the checkout at grocery stores. And how much paper they waste on stupid stuff! But, it's like a vortex...you get sucked in. Wanna know what's blinking in my brain right now? "Kim Kardashian without make-up or hair done" At first I was like, "For real? You're really gonna go there?" But then I became curious. Luckily, my resistance to the force was strong, and I didn't give in, but a lot of times I do. There is this innate fascination with reality and with people that, I think, we all have.
I'm re-posting a verse. I'm sure I'm breaking some blog rule I don't know about (I warned you, there was a disclaimer; I know no blogging rules), but it's for a good reason. It needs emphasis in my life:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:25-27
I was kind of freaked out because after reflecting upon this verse, I read an article about several thousand birds that died in Arkansas a couple of days ago. The possible cause of death is because of fireworks on New Year's Eve. Isn't that so sad? I started to freak out because it seemed really eerie, and I wondered if it was some sort of sign. It's headlines like this one that do not necessarily suck people in like the Kardashians might, but it's things like this that we can change. And that we should change.
I think about it in the context of looking at birds, which is something that I really enjoy. To really stop and think about the birds. I've seen Canadian Geese, Sparrows, and Black-Capped Chickadees in the last few weeks. No Cardinals. They don't exist. If you see a bird today, stop. Watch it. They never worry about what is going to happen to them two days from now, or two weeks from now, or two months from now, or two years from now. They don't worry. I mean, I'm sure they feel a little stressed out when fireworks are exploding all around them (all the more reason to not use fireworks), but they don't sit and stew in their worry. They live life moment by moment. They take things as they come.
Our heavenly Father takes such good care of his creation, and he invites us to do the same. But, our heavenly Father also takes such good care of us. He knows every intimate detail of my life, down to how many hairs there are on my legs. (Which would be: a lot.) The fireworks fiasco could be a separate illustration for our lives; I mostly needed to clear the air because that story kind of freaked me out. Truly, the fireworks problem entered in because God invites us to take care of his creation as well, and we are not always good stewards. And one might say that sometimes life does throw us a few fireworks, but focusing on how much love the Father has for us in the midst of flying through explosions is a key to a full life. We are valued. The imagery Jesus was painting when he was talking about birds was a very, very good one. He causes us to really ask ourselves, "What is the meaning of my life? What is it's purpose, and how am I fulfilling it? What am I worried about that I shouldn't be?"
In other words, don't freak out, Catherine Ann. Live life moment by moment, and take things as they come, no matter how loud & scary they may seem. And give Jesus the best of what you have because, man, he deserves it. Plus so much more.
And, for the record? I think Jesus loved birds too. It's one of the many reasons I like him. Do you think my friend Lincoln liked birds? Maybe HE picked the non-existent Cardinal of Illinois. Pssh...
I was reading tonight in Weird Illinois that Abraham Lincoln was a deep thinker. Sometimes he would be working in his office, and his coworkers would notice him peering off into the distance. Often times it was for several minute stretches, and then, all of a sudden, he would snap out of it. I found it humorous because Abraham Lincoln was a man of great vision and foresight; he was incredibly ambitious. I don't imagine him daydreaming very often, other than for noble & presidential reasons. I felt a lot of hope as I was reading tonight because I find myself doing that same thing sometimes. I'll space out for a few minutes, and then snap back into reality after thinking about something really random for a while. It's quite a relief because I long to be like Lincoln; someone who has a strong work ethic, dependable, and full of follow-through, but I space out so often!
Me and Lincoln. Spacing out is our thing. Or, well, was our thing. We're buds.
Why is it that when we learn of famous peoples' weaknesses, we feel better about ourselves? I mean, entire businesses and industries rely on the humanity of famous people to make money. Think about how many magazines there are at the checkout at grocery stores. And how much paper they waste on stupid stuff! But, it's like a vortex...you get sucked in. Wanna know what's blinking in my brain right now? "Kim Kardashian without make-up or hair done" At first I was like, "For real? You're really gonna go there?" But then I became curious. Luckily, my resistance to the force was strong, and I didn't give in, but a lot of times I do. There is this innate fascination with reality and with people that, I think, we all have.
I'm re-posting a verse. I'm sure I'm breaking some blog rule I don't know about (I warned you, there was a disclaimer; I know no blogging rules), but it's for a good reason. It needs emphasis in my life:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:25-27
I was kind of freaked out because after reflecting upon this verse, I read an article about several thousand birds that died in Arkansas a couple of days ago. The possible cause of death is because of fireworks on New Year's Eve. Isn't that so sad? I started to freak out because it seemed really eerie, and I wondered if it was some sort of sign. It's headlines like this one that do not necessarily suck people in like the Kardashians might, but it's things like this that we can change. And that we should change.
I think about it in the context of looking at birds, which is something that I really enjoy. To really stop and think about the birds. I've seen Canadian Geese, Sparrows, and Black-Capped Chickadees in the last few weeks. No Cardinals. They don't exist. If you see a bird today, stop. Watch it. They never worry about what is going to happen to them two days from now, or two weeks from now, or two months from now, or two years from now. They don't worry. I mean, I'm sure they feel a little stressed out when fireworks are exploding all around them (all the more reason to not use fireworks), but they don't sit and stew in their worry. They live life moment by moment. They take things as they come.
Our heavenly Father takes such good care of his creation, and he invites us to do the same. But, our heavenly Father also takes such good care of us. He knows every intimate detail of my life, down to how many hairs there are on my legs. (Which would be: a lot.) The fireworks fiasco could be a separate illustration for our lives; I mostly needed to clear the air because that story kind of freaked me out. Truly, the fireworks problem entered in because God invites us to take care of his creation as well, and we are not always good stewards. And one might say that sometimes life does throw us a few fireworks, but focusing on how much love the Father has for us in the midst of flying through explosions is a key to a full life. We are valued. The imagery Jesus was painting when he was talking about birds was a very, very good one. He causes us to really ask ourselves, "What is the meaning of my life? What is it's purpose, and how am I fulfilling it? What am I worried about that I shouldn't be?"
In other words, don't freak out, Catherine Ann. Live life moment by moment, and take things as they come, no matter how loud & scary they may seem. And give Jesus the best of what you have because, man, he deserves it. Plus so much more.
And, for the record? I think Jesus loved birds too. It's one of the many reasons I like him. Do you think my friend Lincoln liked birds? Maybe HE picked the non-existent Cardinal of Illinois. Pssh...
Monday, January 3, 2011
Renewed.
I feel like today was the official start of the new year. This upcoming week will be the first full week of 2011. Can you believe that? It's twenty eleven. I looked over at the column to my right on this blog, and it actually says, "2011", and has little arrows. It's official. I turn 24 this year! It's 2011 and I am so excited!
I'm wide awake right now because of this excitement. It's almost 1:00am. I mean, it's pretty easy to get excited when you are Catie Wollard, so maybe I'm not saying much. I get excited very, very easily. People...puppies...cool-looking peppers at a farmer's market...kale...weird stuff...it's exciting. I can't stop thinking about how I get to go to the library tomorrow to renew my books, and find more movies to rot my brain. EXCITING! (Right now I'm reading too many books, and watching too many movies. Gulp. Stock Investing for Dummies, The Scientists, The Four Loves, and Love Soup are the books on the menu. Love Soup is literally on the menu because it's a cookbook. Vegetarian soups to be exact. I'll probably put chicken in some of them though. Poor little chickens. I'm not even going to list movies because I'm too embarrassed about how many I've watched in the last 48 hours. Food, Inc. was one of them. I've seen it three times. Look it up if you haven't.)
Anyway. I'm mostly excited because I feel like this excitement will not be short-lived. My faith is stronger than it was at this time last year. Faith is one of those words that I've always shied away from. (Shied is a funny word too. Shy to shied. Weird.) Faith is a word that is over-used in our society, in my opinion. Like, "just have faith", or "Believe in yourself". Little do you know that I'm referencing the parents that are trying to get their kids to believe in Santa Claus, even though their babysitter told them he isn't real. I mean, watch Miracle on 34th St., and try not to believe in Santa. "Faith" lost its meaning for me. Belief isn't enough for me.
At this time, one year ago, I was jumping back into my student teaching experience (like, tomorrow...) and I was petrified. I was to be faced with the end of an incredible, but extremely confusing experience called "student teaching", I was to find my "first job", and enter into "adulthood". Everybody has been there. I was there though. I was there. What did "those things" even mean?!? And there was petrification involved. An encouraging birth family, an encouraging house family, and a new, encouraging church family had faith in me. My supervisor, my colleagues, my friends. There was faithage abound. It was leaking, like tears from the Grinch. But I was the one with weak and little faith.
Six times Jesus "wonders" aloud why his disciples have such little faith, with questions like, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Jesus asks us good questions. This one comes during a storm. The disciples are freaking out because Jesus is asleep, and their boat is being tossed around like olives in a salad. I mean, I'd be scared. I'm afraid of sharks, man! I find it quite interesting that five of those six references are in the book of Matthew. He and I have a lot in common. Maybe he was finishing up his "fisherman's teaching" at that time. Who knows.
This year I feel a sense of hope that I found myself lacking last year. A renewed sense of peace, and real faith. We talked about faith this morning at church. I found myself wheeling away with so much to think about, so many things to reflect upon. The pastor (his name is Justin), said that, "Faith is belief enough to cause appropriate response." The sermon was centered around Romans 12. Here is the start the chapter:
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
What a verse. And what a way to start 2011.
My responses do not always reflect my belief, but this is changing. I have had little faith, but this is changing. I say (think sing) things like: "Where you lead me, I will follow", "I will go where you want me to", or "Jesus, you are my King", and then when the rubber hits the road, I shrink back like a Lord of the Rings Orc encountering Aragorn and his glowing, crazylong Elfish sword. But this is changing.
You see, I'm still learning the "in view of God's mercy part." I am still learning what it means & looks like & feels like & smells like to follow Jesus. But I am being transformed. Renewed. My mind needs renewal everyday. It receives renewal every day when I choose to live as Jesus lived: completely reliant on the Father. It's a daily choice. I live and breathe by his words, and I long to to be a living sacrifice (even if that does sound kind of creepy. Don't think Indiana Jones & the ripping out of a certain beating heart sacrifice. Maybe not floating flowers with candles in Asian countries sacrifice either... Think: something valuable & beautiful, and given in an open, honest love. Sacrificially.)
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? -Jesus
I'm wide awake right now because of this excitement. It's almost 1:00am. I mean, it's pretty easy to get excited when you are Catie Wollard, so maybe I'm not saying much. I get excited very, very easily. People...puppies...cool-looking peppers at a farmer's market...kale...weird stuff...it's exciting. I can't stop thinking about how I get to go to the library tomorrow to renew my books, and find more movies to rot my brain. EXCITING! (Right now I'm reading too many books, and watching too many movies. Gulp. Stock Investing for Dummies, The Scientists, The Four Loves, and Love Soup are the books on the menu. Love Soup is literally on the menu because it's a cookbook. Vegetarian soups to be exact. I'll probably put chicken in some of them though. Poor little chickens. I'm not even going to list movies because I'm too embarrassed about how many I've watched in the last 48 hours. Food, Inc. was one of them. I've seen it three times. Look it up if you haven't.)
Anyway. I'm mostly excited because I feel like this excitement will not be short-lived. My faith is stronger than it was at this time last year. Faith is one of those words that I've always shied away from. (Shied is a funny word too. Shy to shied. Weird.) Faith is a word that is over-used in our society, in my opinion. Like, "just have faith", or "Believe in yourself". Little do you know that I'm referencing the parents that are trying to get their kids to believe in Santa Claus, even though their babysitter told them he isn't real. I mean, watch Miracle on 34th St., and try not to believe in Santa. "Faith" lost its meaning for me. Belief isn't enough for me.
At this time, one year ago, I was jumping back into my student teaching experience (like, tomorrow...) and I was petrified. I was to be faced with the end of an incredible, but extremely confusing experience called "student teaching", I was to find my "first job", and enter into "adulthood". Everybody has been there. I was there though. I was there. What did "those things" even mean?!? And there was petrification involved. An encouraging birth family, an encouraging house family, and a new, encouraging church family had faith in me. My supervisor, my colleagues, my friends. There was faithage abound. It was leaking, like tears from the Grinch. But I was the one with weak and little faith.
Six times Jesus "wonders" aloud why his disciples have such little faith, with questions like, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Jesus asks us good questions. This one comes during a storm. The disciples are freaking out because Jesus is asleep, and their boat is being tossed around like olives in a salad. I mean, I'd be scared. I'm afraid of sharks, man! I find it quite interesting that five of those six references are in the book of Matthew. He and I have a lot in common. Maybe he was finishing up his "fisherman's teaching" at that time. Who knows.
This year I feel a sense of hope that I found myself lacking last year. A renewed sense of peace, and real faith. We talked about faith this morning at church. I found myself wheeling away with so much to think about, so many things to reflect upon. The pastor (his name is Justin), said that, "Faith is belief enough to cause appropriate response." The sermon was centered around Romans 12. Here is the start the chapter:
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
What a verse. And what a way to start 2011.
My responses do not always reflect my belief, but this is changing. I have had little faith, but this is changing. I say (think sing) things like: "Where you lead me, I will follow", "I will go where you want me to", or "Jesus, you are my King", and then when the rubber hits the road, I shrink back like a Lord of the Rings Orc encountering Aragorn and his glowing, crazylong Elfish sword. But this is changing.
You see, I'm still learning the "in view of God's mercy part." I am still learning what it means & looks like & feels like & smells like to follow Jesus. But I am being transformed. Renewed. My mind needs renewal everyday. It receives renewal every day when I choose to live as Jesus lived: completely reliant on the Father. It's a daily choice. I live and breathe by his words, and I long to to be a living sacrifice (even if that does sound kind of creepy. Don't think Indiana Jones & the ripping out of a certain beating heart sacrifice. Maybe not floating flowers with candles in Asian countries sacrifice either... Think: something valuable & beautiful, and given in an open, honest love. Sacrificially.)
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? -Jesus
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Itchy.
This is so gross, buy my skin is so itchy right now. Despite all attempts to sooth the itchiness, it still itches. It's actually proved to be quite the challenge today, and I think I failed at some points. I was slightly irritable towards my family. More than once. Not being able to itch my scabs, while dealing with peely skin is nasty. I feel like Eustice in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; I have all these itchy scales on me, and they just won't come off. I can't pick them either.
The illustration that C.S. Lewis uses in one of the Chronicles of Narnia is with a snotty young boy name Eustice. He stumbles upon treasure while exploring an island with is cousins, and he turns into a dragon. It is a bit far-fetched, but my favorite part of this illustration comes when Aslan jumps in to the rescue. Eustice tries and tries to scratch the scales away, but the attempts are futile. Then, he allows Aslan to pick the scales off one by one (a less painful option), but (I think) they come back. Finally, Aslan has to rip open the skin on the back of the dragon, and pull it off so that Eustice can escape the curse of dragonhood.
It's incredibly graphic, but incredibly true. Sometimes the re-shaping of our hearts and lives is painful, but it is well worth it. Jesus has to take all of our baggage in order for healing to come. He has to dig into the deepest, dirtiest parts of our lives in order for us to be free. And I'm so thankful for him. One, that he is willing and ready to do that, but that I can trust him with those things. Itchiness is temporary, but trusting him can last forever. Thank you, Jesus!
I can't believe it is already a new year. I'm so excited for 2011, and I'm itching to see what it holds. (Sorry, couldn't help myself. : )
The illustration that C.S. Lewis uses in one of the Chronicles of Narnia is with a snotty young boy name Eustice. He stumbles upon treasure while exploring an island with is cousins, and he turns into a dragon. It is a bit far-fetched, but my favorite part of this illustration comes when Aslan jumps in to the rescue. Eustice tries and tries to scratch the scales away, but the attempts are futile. Then, he allows Aslan to pick the scales off one by one (a less painful option), but (I think) they come back. Finally, Aslan has to rip open the skin on the back of the dragon, and pull it off so that Eustice can escape the curse of dragonhood.
It's incredibly graphic, but incredibly true. Sometimes the re-shaping of our hearts and lives is painful, but it is well worth it. Jesus has to take all of our baggage in order for healing to come. He has to dig into the deepest, dirtiest parts of our lives in order for us to be free. And I'm so thankful for him. One, that he is willing and ready to do that, but that I can trust him with those things. Itchiness is temporary, but trusting him can last forever. Thank you, Jesus!
I can't believe it is already a new year. I'm so excited for 2011, and I'm itching to see what it holds. (Sorry, couldn't help myself. : )
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Copycat.
I have some very, very great news. I have been approved for AQUA therapy. Yippee!
So. All my life I have secretly been jealous of the elderly people that got to do workout classes in the pool. I've seen it on videos, and gawked at them in the pool as a kid...I mean, what better way is there to work out than in the water? I have always felt like "working out" was such a lame way to spend time. All you have to do is look at my fat roll to see that, so I'm not really stating anything other than the obvious, but I just would rather do something constructive with my time. Go for a bike ride, roller blade, jump on a trampoline, play a game outside, dance around the kitchen, run around with people, rock climb...you get the idea, right? I've never been one for going to a class to "do a workout", or watching a video to "do a workout".
My only exception is in the pool. I will "do a workout" in the pool. The problem is that only old people do their workouts in the pool. I think you have to be a certain age even. Just to join. It's like secret old peoples club. No offense old people. I think you're cool.
But now. I have a legitimate excuse! I have found a way into the secret club! It's broken legs! I can't even contain my excitement. As soon as I get the cast off on my left leg (less than two weeks), I'm hitting that water like seven year old doing a cannonball. I'll wiggle myself from my wheelchair and just fall in, face forward.
There actually is a good reason to do it too, I'm not just milking things for what they are worth. Being able to take a lot of the pressure off of my feet, but still being able to bend them is going to help me walk sooner, apparently. Who knew? It actually works!
My trip to the physical therapist yesterday went very well. I was a little nervous whenever I'd think about the appointment during the day, but once I got in there I was just fine. My therapist took measurements of my foot, and had me bend it forward and backward as much as I could. It was quite humorous because it didn't really look like it was moving a whole lot. : ) It's pretty much stuck in one position. But she touched my gnarly-looking feet, and showed me how to exercise them so that I can gain more flexibility. It's wobbly, but not for long. Dun dundun DUN! They will be strong like bull soon.
On my way out of the appointment, a woman with a naturally twangy voice asked me, "I'm just dying to know, curiaaaasity is killllling the caaat. What happened to your feet?" It's amazing to me how many people will ask me this question in a day. Right? I'm sure you've been there. And how many times I will answer them. My mom thinks I put too much detail into my reply to people, and that I shouldn't be so descriptive of the "I forgot to clip in" part. I agree, but they always ask how it happens, so I tell the truth. I've talked much about how humbling it is, and it continues to be, but I find myself getting more annoyed at just having to tell the story over and over and over and over and over again. In one day. It's really tiring.
Here's the thing though. It's not my story to keep trapped inside my lips. I'm not the author of this story. The redeemer of this story. The editor of this story. And maybe I haven't made that as clear as I should have throughout the last couple of months? To myself or to the people that I have been dialoguing with.
I read tonight in Ephesians that we are to "Be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." It's in verses 1 & 2, which are just after the verses my family & I are memorizing. I love those lines so much.
I think of watching little kids imitate their parents or siblings or someone they look up to. Following their every move, trying so hard to be just like who they are watching. That is what we are to be like. Imitating God, copycatting him in every way. It is then that we become a fragrant offering, a sweet smell to those around us. And guess what? It is sacrificial.
As ridiculous as I sound, it is a sacrifice to my comfort every time I do tell this story. I was convicted after reading this verse; I did not respond to the lady in the waiting room in love. I was really annoyed at having to tell the whole story all over again. I tried not to be snarky, but there wasn't joy in my response. It was the first time that I really caught myself feeling that way. The telling of this story was not a sweet-smelling fragrance, but just a happen-stance that was done and over with as I was wheeled out of the office.
And as much as I beat myself up over not being more of a light to that lady's life, I am thankful that God revealed that to me at my appointment; I need to imitate him everywhere I travel to, and in the telling of all of the good he has done in my life. He deserves to be talked about; he is a wonderful, wonderful God.
So. All my life I have secretly been jealous of the elderly people that got to do workout classes in the pool. I've seen it on videos, and gawked at them in the pool as a kid...I mean, what better way is there to work out than in the water? I have always felt like "working out" was such a lame way to spend time. All you have to do is look at my fat roll to see that, so I'm not really stating anything other than the obvious, but I just would rather do something constructive with my time. Go for a bike ride, roller blade, jump on a trampoline, play a game outside, dance around the kitchen, run around with people, rock climb...you get the idea, right? I've never been one for going to a class to "do a workout", or watching a video to "do a workout".
My only exception is in the pool. I will "do a workout" in the pool. The problem is that only old people do their workouts in the pool. I think you have to be a certain age even. Just to join. It's like secret old peoples club. No offense old people. I think you're cool.
But now. I have a legitimate excuse! I have found a way into the secret club! It's broken legs! I can't even contain my excitement. As soon as I get the cast off on my left leg (less than two weeks), I'm hitting that water like seven year old doing a cannonball. I'll wiggle myself from my wheelchair and just fall in, face forward.
There actually is a good reason to do it too, I'm not just milking things for what they are worth. Being able to take a lot of the pressure off of my feet, but still being able to bend them is going to help me walk sooner, apparently. Who knew? It actually works!
My trip to the physical therapist yesterday went very well. I was a little nervous whenever I'd think about the appointment during the day, but once I got in there I was just fine. My therapist took measurements of my foot, and had me bend it forward and backward as much as I could. It was quite humorous because it didn't really look like it was moving a whole lot. : ) It's pretty much stuck in one position. But she touched my gnarly-looking feet, and showed me how to exercise them so that I can gain more flexibility. It's wobbly, but not for long. Dun dundun DUN! They will be strong like bull soon.
On my way out of the appointment, a woman with a naturally twangy voice asked me, "I'm just dying to know, curiaaaasity is killllling the caaat. What happened to your feet?" It's amazing to me how many people will ask me this question in a day. Right? I'm sure you've been there. And how many times I will answer them. My mom thinks I put too much detail into my reply to people, and that I shouldn't be so descriptive of the "I forgot to clip in" part. I agree, but they always ask how it happens, so I tell the truth. I've talked much about how humbling it is, and it continues to be, but I find myself getting more annoyed at just having to tell the story over and over and over and over and over again. In one day. It's really tiring.
Here's the thing though. It's not my story to keep trapped inside my lips. I'm not the author of this story. The redeemer of this story. The editor of this story. And maybe I haven't made that as clear as I should have throughout the last couple of months? To myself or to the people that I have been dialoguing with.
I read tonight in Ephesians that we are to "Be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." It's in verses 1 & 2, which are just after the verses my family & I are memorizing. I love those lines so much.
I think of watching little kids imitate their parents or siblings or someone they look up to. Following their every move, trying so hard to be just like who they are watching. That is what we are to be like. Imitating God, copycatting him in every way. It is then that we become a fragrant offering, a sweet smell to those around us. And guess what? It is sacrificial.
As ridiculous as I sound, it is a sacrifice to my comfort every time I do tell this story. I was convicted after reading this verse; I did not respond to the lady in the waiting room in love. I was really annoyed at having to tell the whole story all over again. I tried not to be snarky, but there wasn't joy in my response. It was the first time that I really caught myself feeling that way. The telling of this story was not a sweet-smelling fragrance, but just a happen-stance that was done and over with as I was wheeled out of the office.
And as much as I beat myself up over not being more of a light to that lady's life, I am thankful that God revealed that to me at my appointment; I need to imitate him everywhere I travel to, and in the telling of all of the good he has done in my life. He deserves to be talked about; he is a wonderful, wonderful God.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Commitment.
It's a scary word, no? Commitment. What do you think of? Family? Marriage? Dating? Meetings? Weekend plans that you desperately want out of?
I strongly dislike the word, and the stigma attached. I mean, I don't even like to make weekend plans because I'm afraid of being tied down. Seriously! I think it's an illness that plagues too many people. I want to draw some attention to Matthew 11:27-30:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Some people had to go back to work this week, and I'm using this verse as an encouragement to you. Some people had to work all last weekend, so may you be encouraged to. Still others have the entire week off, but they carry such heavy loads in their hearts & minds - may this verse also be an encouragement to you.
How easily we are burdened by the things of this world. I am so thankful for Jesus. I am so thankful that he is such a willing and patient Teacher. I am incredibly thankful that he longs to be committed to us. I mean, think about it. Not only are we invited to lay at his feet, which is where we find rest, but we are allowed to learn from him. And to think! His yoke is easy! And his burden is light! He is ever-committed, and he never lets us down! A yoke is something that we are tied to him with, similar to the yoke of farm animals. It is a great commitment also on our part, and worth it. But what of his burden?
What do you think Jesus' burden entails? What, truly, was his burden? And how is it light? You see, I was always quite confused by this. If Jesus came to take away the sins of all who enter into a relationship with him, then how is his burden light? What I failed to realize is that I am not called to take away the sins of myself, or of those around me. I am called to be yoked to him, in step with him, side by side with where he is leading. This yoke & burden are often hard work, but they are a joy because he is there.
For some readers of this blog, my talk of Jesus may be unsettling. Some of you are still unsure of whether Jesus was a liar, a lunatic, or Lord. Still others know what they think - he is one of the three for each of you. But I can't help but talk about him, and I can't apologize for the endless words spoken about him, the never-ending conversation about this man. I find myself yoked to him, committed to him, and though each step is sometimes muddy or thorny or filled with rocks in the field, I can't describe the joy that I feel because I'm next to him. The burden truly becomes light. Even when I'm staring down the barrel of the beginning of a new chapter.
I start physical therapy tomorrow. It will just be an assessment/evaluation, but it is the start nonetheless. I have not hidden how I feel about physical therapy: I'm not looking forward to it. I know that it will have me walking again, but the steps that it will take to get there will be grueling. And you would agree if you could see the size of my ridiculous calves. : )
But. My burden is light, and I'm entering in with an open mind. I'm ready to learn from Jesus. I'm ready for what he is going to teach me, what he has for me in the day. I'm trying not to focus on lengths of time, but on the day. To learn means that I need to get better at listening.
My family and I have committed to memorizing scripture together in the next weeks, and I'm very excited. I feel like I have so spiritual disciplines to work on, and memorizing scripture is a huge weakness for me. Meditating on Scripture is talked about in the Bible many times; I am not taking this commitment lightly. With this commitment, and my my need to practice better listening, I'm not sure how much talking/writing I will be doing in the next weeks. Maybe not as much as I have been in the last couple of months, but maybe I will. Only the Lord knows. I have followed his leading within this blog thus far, and I will continue to do so. Please pray for me, not just for the continued healing of my legs (of which he deserves all the credit, and infinitely more praise), but also that I may have ears that are in tune with his voice. I so long for him to speak to me through Scripture, and I am looking forward to all that he is going to teach me. Please also pray for my family that we will follow-through with our commitment, and that we can listen to the Lord more clearly.
I strongly dislike the word, and the stigma attached. I mean, I don't even like to make weekend plans because I'm afraid of being tied down. Seriously! I think it's an illness that plagues too many people. I want to draw some attention to Matthew 11:27-30:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Some people had to go back to work this week, and I'm using this verse as an encouragement to you. Some people had to work all last weekend, so may you be encouraged to. Still others have the entire week off, but they carry such heavy loads in their hearts & minds - may this verse also be an encouragement to you.
How easily we are burdened by the things of this world. I am so thankful for Jesus. I am so thankful that he is such a willing and patient Teacher. I am incredibly thankful that he longs to be committed to us. I mean, think about it. Not only are we invited to lay at his feet, which is where we find rest, but we are allowed to learn from him. And to think! His yoke is easy! And his burden is light! He is ever-committed, and he never lets us down! A yoke is something that we are tied to him with, similar to the yoke of farm animals. It is a great commitment also on our part, and worth it. But what of his burden?
What do you think Jesus' burden entails? What, truly, was his burden? And how is it light? You see, I was always quite confused by this. If Jesus came to take away the sins of all who enter into a relationship with him, then how is his burden light? What I failed to realize is that I am not called to take away the sins of myself, or of those around me. I am called to be yoked to him, in step with him, side by side with where he is leading. This yoke & burden are often hard work, but they are a joy because he is there.
For some readers of this blog, my talk of Jesus may be unsettling. Some of you are still unsure of whether Jesus was a liar, a lunatic, or Lord. Still others know what they think - he is one of the three for each of you. But I can't help but talk about him, and I can't apologize for the endless words spoken about him, the never-ending conversation about this man. I find myself yoked to him, committed to him, and though each step is sometimes muddy or thorny or filled with rocks in the field, I can't describe the joy that I feel because I'm next to him. The burden truly becomes light. Even when I'm staring down the barrel of the beginning of a new chapter.
I start physical therapy tomorrow. It will just be an assessment/evaluation, but it is the start nonetheless. I have not hidden how I feel about physical therapy: I'm not looking forward to it. I know that it will have me walking again, but the steps that it will take to get there will be grueling. And you would agree if you could see the size of my ridiculous calves. : )
But. My burden is light, and I'm entering in with an open mind. I'm ready to learn from Jesus. I'm ready for what he is going to teach me, what he has for me in the day. I'm trying not to focus on lengths of time, but on the day. To learn means that I need to get better at listening.
My family and I have committed to memorizing scripture together in the next weeks, and I'm very excited. I feel like I have so spiritual disciplines to work on, and memorizing scripture is a huge weakness for me. Meditating on Scripture is talked about in the Bible many times; I am not taking this commitment lightly. With this commitment, and my my need to practice better listening, I'm not sure how much talking/writing I will be doing in the next weeks. Maybe not as much as I have been in the last couple of months, but maybe I will. Only the Lord knows. I have followed his leading within this blog thus far, and I will continue to do so. Please pray for me, not just for the continued healing of my legs (of which he deserves all the credit, and infinitely more praise), but also that I may have ears that are in tune with his voice. I so long for him to speak to me through Scripture, and I am looking forward to all that he is going to teach me. Please also pray for my family that we will follow-through with our commitment, and that we can listen to the Lord more clearly.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Fly.
Do you know the saying, "time flies when you're having fun"?
It is true.
It seems like yesterday we were picking my sister up from the airport, and tomorrow she is leaving with my aunt to go back to Dallas. Not quite sure how I feel about this, but I can't believe how fast time hast gone. It's been so awesome to relax, take a break from everything, and spend time with my family. I am so richly blessed.
A verse that I was reading tonight is 1 Chronicles 29:11:
"All that is in heaven and earth is Yours; Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and You are exalted as head over all."
I read that in my "Our Daily Bread" booklet sent by a dear, dear lady at my church in Milwaukee. Aaaand...I don't think anyone my age is reading it, but when we all turn 60, we'll start. Ha ha. It was so sweet of this lady to think of me, and she has been a tremendous blessing on my journey. I've really enjoyed what I used to call "the old people packet". (This name comes because when I was very young, we would visit my great-grandma Miller, and she would always have them out. I loved to thumb through them because they were like baby books, but they were always really confusing. She would explain to me what she was learning from them though, and I always listened because she was very wise. She had white hair & she smelled so good, and she made me feel like a million bucks.)
All that we have belongs to God: our time, our family members, our spiritual gifts, our purpose, our possessions, the very breath that we breathe. It is all his. And he is so graciously generous, isn't he? He gives with grace. There is no awkwardness. I cannot believe all that he has lavished on me; I can't believe he gives such amazing gifts. Healing. Passion. Words. Change. Love. All that I have is his, and I'm so thankful that he gives generously.
I pray that if my family were taken away from me, or house were taken away, and I didn't know where I was going to turn for food or clothes, or if something happened to me that was worse than breaking both legs that I would still have the same thought-process. That I would still be completely reliant on him.
I am incredibly thankful for the time that God has gifted me with. Is really does fly, but I'm so thankful that he has given me what he has. It is such an amazing gift.
It is true.
It seems like yesterday we were picking my sister up from the airport, and tomorrow she is leaving with my aunt to go back to Dallas. Not quite sure how I feel about this, but I can't believe how fast time hast gone. It's been so awesome to relax, take a break from everything, and spend time with my family. I am so richly blessed.
A verse that I was reading tonight is 1 Chronicles 29:11:
"All that is in heaven and earth is Yours; Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and You are exalted as head over all."
I read that in my "Our Daily Bread" booklet sent by a dear, dear lady at my church in Milwaukee. Aaaand...I don't think anyone my age is reading it, but when we all turn 60, we'll start. Ha ha. It was so sweet of this lady to think of me, and she has been a tremendous blessing on my journey. I've really enjoyed what I used to call "the old people packet". (This name comes because when I was very young, we would visit my great-grandma Miller, and she would always have them out. I loved to thumb through them because they were like baby books, but they were always really confusing. She would explain to me what she was learning from them though, and I always listened because she was very wise. She had white hair & she smelled so good, and she made me feel like a million bucks.)
All that we have belongs to God: our time, our family members, our spiritual gifts, our purpose, our possessions, the very breath that we breathe. It is all his. And he is so graciously generous, isn't he? He gives with grace. There is no awkwardness. I cannot believe all that he has lavished on me; I can't believe he gives such amazing gifts. Healing. Passion. Words. Change. Love. All that I have is his, and I'm so thankful that he gives generously.
I pray that if my family were taken away from me, or house were taken away, and I didn't know where I was going to turn for food or clothes, or if something happened to me that was worse than breaking both legs that I would still have the same thought-process. That I would still be completely reliant on him.
I am incredibly thankful for the time that God has gifted me with. Is really does fly, but I'm so thankful that he has given me what he has. It is such an amazing gift.
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