Reveal.

So, last night I was whomped, and went to bed semi-early.  Today, I woke up at 11am.  I have no idea what is going on, but I have been so tired lately.  I tried to read this afternoon, but I kept dozing off.  So, I decided to watch a movie.  One movie turned into three.  Yup.  I'm ashamed to even admit it, but I wasted nearly six hours of my life today.  Fortunately, one of the movies sort of redeems the day because it was semi-educational.  It was a movie about a young woman named Esther.  Anyway, this was my cheesy-Christian-movie-of-the-year numero dos (number two).  It's funny how I'm actually being challenged in watching these movies.  I think I may be a little judgemental when it comes to faith-based movies.  I should probably lay off a little bit, huh.  In this big, dramatic scene Esther, (who I'm not sure if she's supposed to be British in the movie) says this to her (best actor in the movie) bodyguard, 

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." (Proverbs 25:2)

Yesterday I had blogged about not knowing what my dreams are in life.  I think that God gives us passions and a vision for who we are, and what we are to do, but an answer came within this very movie: I have to spend time seeking it out.  Often times I think that the clouds will open up, and God will just say, "Catie, I want you to work for the DNR (Department of Natural Resources); you can spend the rest of your life frollicking around in Montana being a moutain woman.  Enjoy.  Sincerely, God."

Yes.  This is one of my life dreams, and I've never told anybody, so don't laugh at me.  I would love to be a mountain woman.  I seriously thought at one point that I could just go and work for some governmental program, possibly teaching kids about the wilderness, and get to spend most of my life hiding away in some cabin in the middle of the woods.  As a hermit and spinster.  Yup.  Then I realized that I only wanted this dream because I really wanted to escape from everything that was going on around me, and I would go stir-crazy within the first year.  I probably wouldn't even make it that long.  I'd be talking to bunnies and chipmunks with a month.  The first time I saw a grizzly, I'd pee myself & it would view that as a territorial threat display, and I'd die.  So.  That's out.  (For now...unless I meet someone or some people that will move out there with me.  Any takers?) 

But seriously, since I was little, I've been fed this lie - that I can wish upon a star & my dreams will come true.  I mean, come on Disney, what are you THINKING?!  Billions of dollars is not worth brainwashing young kids the way you do.  Ugh.  I keep waiting for my dreams to come to me while I'm sleeping, or while I'm laying in bed thinking, or while I'm talking to someone, or when my fairy-godmother shows up and gives them to me, and I ride away into the sunset with a drop-dead gorgeous man beside me.  To be quite honest, as a twenty-three, almost twenty-four year old woman, I have to fight of these misconceptions.   They're quite tempting, you know.

The thing is that my dreams can't come from other people, or from the middle of nowhere (although, it would be nice.)  My dreams have to be searched out, like I'm searching for hidden treasure.  And, although it sometimes feels like that treasure is in the bottom of a body of water...the ocean.  Atlantis, actually.  And I have no boat.  Oh, and I get seasick.  And I'm deathly afraid of sharks...I know that I have to keep searching.  The best part is that God gets so excited when I look that hard; when I care enough about our relationship, my life, and our future together, that I actually venture out in pursuit.  Thank goodness he's with me, all the way.  I don't think he's going to run ahead of me, and start jumping up and down on top of the treasure chest, but he will be my guide, and he's faithful.  To the very, very end.

So, thanks "One Night With the King", for teaching me that.

Wow.

I can't even believe those words are coming out of my mouth.  Blech!  No more crazy-cheesy, bad-acting, Christiany movies for me.  But I promise not to judge?  Heh.  Heh heh.   : )