Joy.

There is nothing like reaching a goal.  I'm not talking about the kind of goal that will be made at a certain football game coming up between two teams that shall remain nameless.

I am laughing at myself as I type because I keep thinking about how simplistic my goals have been in recent weeks.  I can't help but reach them.  Especially when I have a claw grabber.

First leg: "Wiggle toes", "Wipe own butt", "Stay awake all day" , "Sleep on side".  Lofty.

Then, I moved on to things like: "Stay in wheelchair all day", "Wheel in wheelchair without hitting cabinets and walls", "Finish puzzle", "Reach phone in living room", "Sleep on sides" , "Get juice out of fridge without dropping it".  Crazy, I know.

Then I started to really shoot for the moon: "Make own meals" , "Stand on foot", "Climb stairs", "Feed dogs" , "Brush teeth at sink", "Shave regularly".  Who KNOWS what's next?!?

My goals have been so small, but with each wave of new ideas and abilities, I am ready to move on to my next set of goals.  It's a confidence booster.  I can't help but eventually accomplish something like, "Wipe own butt".  And then, once I do, I feel like I'm making progress.  (Although I must say, I may have backslid in my "Don't fall out of wheelchair again" goal.)

I think about how easy it could be one day, when I am standing and walking again, to say, "I did it!" or to spout off some nonsense about how you should "persevere under trial" because I've been there, done that.  Psshhh.  No.  No no no.  I'm trying so hard to be careful about how I talk about what is going on in my life.  To not speak in such a way that I sound like I have everything figured out.  I so don't.  I mean, if I had to stare down the barrel of another trial, I'd be shakin' in my boots.  No joke.  I'm wearing boots right now.  I stumbled across this verse tonight:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”  James 1: 2&3 

I'm sure some people have heard this verse a million bajillion times.  Or maybe you haven't heard it at all.  What I can tell you is that it is not as easy as 1 2 3 (ha ha, get it?)  Some thing popped out at me this evening: I'm not just to consider trials a joy, but pure joy.

pure joy.

Dictionary.com doesn't do the word "joy" justice, in my opinion, so I'm not even going to post it.  It ties the word to "feeling", like the feeling that you may feel this weekend while watching the football game mentioned above.  Not joy.  I was completely elated today when I found out that one of my friends is expecting a baby.  Sheer excitement, even tears.  But, I think that joy is more of a posture or a way of being.  Something that we have to stop and consider amidst really dark and trying times.

Because when we do face trials in life, we are to consider it pure joy; they bring perseverance. Perseverance is one of those qualities that we all want, but really don't like working towards.  It hurts, doesn't it?  It costs a lot.  It's taxing, and exhausting.  And doesn't the timing always seem off?  Those pesky trials don't always leave when we bring in the Welcome mat, when we try to turn them away.  But it is by God's own grace that we can find ourselves blanketed in the faith that He Himself gives us.

It is this faith that I have begged and begged for.  And it is this faith that I stumble upon daily.  Choosing joy comes more and more naturally because I find myself fixated on the fact that God is so good to me; he is with me the whole way.