Knit.

My birthday is officially over.  By one minute.  Phew.  It's kind of a relief.  I mean, not be a Debby-downer here, but today was actually kind of rough.  It doesn't help that right now I'm completely exhausted, and I can't sleep  It was an incredibly full and challenging day.  But.  It's over.  I have SO much to be thankful for, even in the midst of trying things...

- A car to drive to Milwaukee in, and one that will run in single digits Fahrenheit.
- Parents that are willing to take a day off to go with me to the doctor.
- Sisters that know how to show me that they love me.
And that they really do.
- Extended family that does the same.
- Friends that remember my birthday.
And love me for who I am.
And see who I can become.
- Insurance.
- Technology.
- Crutches & boots to walk on.
- Gluten-free Betty Crocker cake mix.  And frosting.
- Delicious books to read.  And the ability & time to read them. 
- Clean air to breathe.  And healthy lungs.
- Van parties with three-year-olds.
- HJ & JWo & ChadWo...even though ChadWo couldn't make the van party.
- The fact that my doctor said that my LEFT leg looks "Wonderful!"  He doesn't say that word very often.  He made funny eyebrows last time.  So it actually means that my left leg is healing well, and that the blood is moving back into the damaged area!  Praise God!

I have so much to be thankful for.  Don't I?  I know that not everyone has these things, and I think that today there were so many distractions.  It was hard for me to stay focused on these things because of how many things were coming at me from all directions.  All day.  Not being able to see my friends, and spend time with them.  (When I get back to Milwaukee (Lord willing) I want to have a gigantic party.  From like 9am until 5pm.  Skip work.)  Weird things coming up from the past week that I didn't even realize were happening.  Having to say goodbye to curriculum from my old job.  Which officially means it's over.  Things like miscommunications, and disappointment in my doctor's visit.  I had unrealistic expectations on myself, and pushed my legs way too hard today. 

All these things fade away as I stand in awe this evening.  I actually stood in my own home tonight for the very first time.  I am so glad that God saw it fit to keep me in the world for another birthday, and I'm so thankful for all that he continues to do.  Even when I make mistakes.  Even when I am in pain.  Even when I say stupid, stupid things.  I am most thankful for his love, and that he allows me to show him love in return.  One of my all-time favorite passages is this one:

 For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—
   when I awake, I am still with you.
- Psalm 139:13-18

I remember the youth retreat I was on when I first heard these verses.  I think I was, like, 13 or 14 at the time.  I remember sitting there and hearing these words, and just sobbing my eyes out.  I was blown away.  These words shook me to the core.  To think that God actually saw me inside my mom's uterus, and that I was fearfully & wonderfully made!  As were you.  Truly, I know full well, and I continue to be blown away.  God's works are wonderful. 

I'm so thankful that God knows how to knit.  And that he knit you and I together.  That we inhabit this time and this space in this moment as human beings.  And that he knew us before we were even a thought.  But, really, we were a thought because he knew us.  God thought of us as he was painting the sky, and carving out spaces for rivers with his fingers.  He thought of us when he realized what his children had done in choosing the knowledge of good & evil on that first fallen day.  He thought of us over and over again as he demonstrated his faithfulness to his people, and he thought of us when he allowed his son to be beaten nearly to death, crucified & spit upon.  He knows how to knit.  His plan is absolutely perfect.  And I'm so thankful for the many places that he's patched up & redeemed in my life, for the design that he has created in my heart.  And for the way that he continues to draw me out & make me his.

Abba, I am so thankful for you.