Seriously.

Holy. Cow.  It is April 13th.  Seriously?  Seriously.  It's April 13th!  I can't get over how fast time is going by!  I mean, I know people say that all of the time, but seriously!  It's flying by!  Even in the week it's been since I've last written, so much has happened.  An impromptu visit to my AUNT GAYLE'S house in Dallas, Texas with my sister J. & my other sister Bowgirl...and I'm still alive!  First week fully weight bearing & I made it across the country.  I'm pretty sure that this year is going to be full of big things.  I mean, walking (in shoes, which means minus a boot) will be here before I know it!  (T-minus two weeks, and counting...)

I am blown away.

Seriously.  Every day I walk down (and up) the ramp in my garage and I think, "Whoa.  Did I really have to ride in a wheelchair down this sucker?" or, at night when I turn over on my side to fall asleep, "Man, I can't believe how good this feels."  Flying.  Driving.  Walking.  Shopping.  Swimming.  Bike riding.  Eatingatthetableing.  All these "ings"!  So much is happening at one time.  It's like the millions of daffodils popping up in my neighborhood right now.

Tonight, I was reading a letter from a friend from high school, and I got to thinking about Jeremiah 29:11.  My sister, J., recommends the verse highly - I love it too, but to me it has lost so of its meaning.  I have heard it so much that I have started to forget what it means to me.  It's sort of the verse that a lot of people use for "graduation/times of transition/don't be afraid" cards.  Don't get me wrong, I have appreciated the many times that people have spoken this verse to me, but my ears have not been very good at listening to its message in recent years.

So, tonight, I read it in context.  The funny part is that a few verses before my deaf-eared verse, I found something that I heard for the first time a couple of weeks ago that greatly challenged my thinking:

This is the Message from God-of-the-Angel-Armies, Israel's God, to all the exiles I've taken from Jerusalem to Babylon:

"Build houses and make yourselves at home. Put in gardens and eat what grows in that country. Marry and have children. Encourage your children to marry and have children so that you'll thrive in that country and not waste away. Make yourselves at home there and work for the country's welfare. Pray for Babylon's well-being. If things go well for Babylon, things will go well for you.

Yes. Believe it or not, this is the Message from God-of-the-Angel-Armies, Israel's God: "Don't let all those so-called preachers and know-it-alls who are all over the place there take you in with their lies. Don't pay any attention to the fantasies they keep coming up with to please you. They're a bunch of liars preaching lies—and claiming I sent them! I never sent them, believe me." God's Decree!

This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." 

God's Decree. "I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"—God's Decree—"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.  Jeremiah 29:4-14

So of you may know Jeremiah 29:11 better this way: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I love the "believe it or not" part.  Ha ha, like the people Jeremiah was talking to were shocked too.  (Can you see their mouths agape?)...It makes me feel better.  I understand that there is a season for thriving and prospering (and I'm not sure I completely understand the context of this passage...there are times of extreme discomfort as well...), but to hear God say it?  Whoa.  (Why is that surprising to me?)  When I think about the concept of time, and I think about where God has brought me from & what he has brought me through, I stand amazed.  Through the painful times.  Through the sun-filled Spring.  Through the questions and frustrations.  Through the poop.  Literally.  Through the pain, and through the fun.  I can count on God.  The language of God is so wonderful to me; he is so good to us.  His declarations give me goosebumps.

I encourage you, that wherever you are on your faith journey, that you get serious about finding God.  And I don't just say "finding God" in some super-spiritual way; I mean seek after him like you are pursuing a hidden treasure.  You will never be able to figure him out, but start trying.  Explore.  (Read.)  Ask questions. (Pray)  Be still.  (Listen.)  Seek after him!  Like you are a nine-year old trying to catch a frog.  Like your dream of piloting an airplane is dangling two inches from your face.  Like you are about to scratch off a winning lottery ticket.

You will not be disappointed.

Awake.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fjr3A_kfspM

I absolutely love frogs.  I have loved them from the time that I caught one from the pond in our back yard, and I will love them forever.  I saw this video today in an e-mail, and I just started laughing after watching it.  I knew that in the winter, frogs freeze, but I never realized that they completely froze over.  And that their hearts stop beating!  Craziness!

The first thing that popped into my mind as I watched the sun slowly warm the little amphibian was how Jesus does this for me.  I am a sleepy, sometimes frozen-up little lady and Christ's warmth makes my heart beat again.  Ephesians 5:14 says:

   “Wake up, sleeper,
   rise from the dead,
   and Christ will shine on you.”

 

I just think it's so interested how I feel like I have spent so much of my time in life asleep.  When I met Jesus, it really was like waking up.  Again and again and again.  It's also quite ironic that I saw this video today because in less than 12 hours, I will be stepping off of an airplane into a climate unlike any I have seen in quite some time.  85 degrees Fahrenheit, baby.  Here I come.

Conversation.

Know what I've been thinking about all day?  How do I fit my story into a 30-second blurb that I can easily share with other people?  Like, strangers that walk up to me and ask, "So. I just gotta know.  What happened?" or "Oh my!"  or "I'm doing better than you are..."  I keep thinking about how my response to these people.  It's so limited, and it doesn't come near capturing the awesome God that has brought me through so much.  I so long to give him the credit for what happened and what he is continuing to do.  (BTW, today was my first "official" day as a 100% weight bearing woman.  Heh heh...I cheated a little...)  But, I really want people to walk away from me, after listening for 30 seconds or less, thinking about and pondering this God.

I think of this verse:  "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."  Hebrews 10:23-25

Just in general, I want to encourage those around me on a daily basis, and God is showing me that I can do a much better job of this.  The story of the last five months really lends itself to God's grace & to his plan & to his redemption of any situation.  In each conversation with the people I don't know, I really need to speak the words, "Jesus", "grace", and "thankful".  And somehow show that God deserves the credit.  It's tough to do, especially when people think they want to hear the story, but they really don't.  It's weird.  Time becomes limited very quickly.  And it probably doesn't help that I am socially awkward.

As for people that I do know, I continue to be thankful for God's faithfulness towards me (us), and how he continues to teach me (us) what "grace" actually means.  We are to spur one another on regularly, not just when we are in a good mood, or when we have most of the things on our "to-do" list crossed off.  Think about what a spur is.  It's those things that go on cowboy boots.  I just get this image in my head of the many people around me gently clicking their heels into my mind & my heart, and it is such an encouragement.  I need help with the spurage.  Because sometimes my mind just becomes mush. 

Anyway.  Please pray that as God continues to lead me into the paths of so many people, and that I would have clarity and discernment about what to say.  He is writing such a cool story, and I could not be more thankful.  Truly, we have so much hope to profess.

Yet.

Phew!  It's been over a week since I have written in this little blog.  You know, it's funny because I really do feel like my writings in here are coming to a close, yet I still feel God leading me to share for a little while longer.  Not quite sure how to gauge "an end", but know that I so appreciate your support, and the time you have spent reading my thoughts & my struggles & my joys in this place.  What a place of redemption and wonder it has been for me.  God is incredibly good.

Lots and lots has changed since I last wrote: I'm walking with one boot (old news) BUT I'm down to one crutch!  And, as of this Tuesday I will be 100% weight bearing on both feet!  Ahhhhhhhhh!  I will have to wear my oh-so-fashionable boot for another month or so, but so what.  It's hawt.  (Seriously.  My feet reek.)  And I'm pretty sure it could be considered a weapon.  No more silver stick-thingys!  I can't even believe it!  Things are happening so fast!  Sometimes I feel like I need a pause button, but that's not real.  So.  I'm working hard (and resting hard) to try to soak up the moments as they come.  I'm trying to feel as my feelings come, even when they bring tears.  Of joy and sadness. 

Man.  I just so wish that you and I could sit down for a cup of coffee, and talk about what's been happening in your life, and what's been happening in mine.  I mean, there are just so many emotions pulsing through my body, I can't even begin to explain them all.  There are so many things swirling around in my head, and so many things that I am excited about.  It would seriously take me hours to describe everything to you.

This morning in church, I was deeply impacted by Lamentations 3:22-24, but I've put the verse into a little bit of context.  If you have four minutes, pleasepleaseplease go and read Lamentations 3.  Here, I'll make it super-easy:  http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Lamentations+3&version=NIV

See?  Four minutes, right?  It's a good one, isn't it?

For those of you who never do what stupid writers tell you to do in their ramblings (ahem...I skip almost every suggestion and question there is...ahem)... here's a summary:

So I say, “My splendor is gone
   and all that I had hoped from the LORD.”  I remember my affliction and my wandering,
   the bitterness and the gall. 
I well remember them,
   and my soul is downcast within me...

Yet this I call to mind
   and therefore I have hope:
 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail. 
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness. 
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”

I absolutely love it.  We truly do have to call the Lord's great love and compassion to mind.  Every day.  And it is there, and only there, that we really do find hope.  I have to say that it is quite tempting to allow my predictions and my shortcomings to loom overhead.  When I think about not being about to run in the grass with my sweet housemate, HJ, this summer, I seriously start sobbing.  Every time.  I start thinking about all the things I won't be able to do that I was able to do before, and all of the things that will be different and feel different.  It is so tempting for me to peer out over the cliff of the future and to step back and gasp.  But I am trying to continue to call this to mind:  God's faithfulness is new every. single. morning.  Great is his faithfulness.  Like, great in the sense of "huge, big, wonderful" and great in the sense of, "Oh my gosh!  That is so awesome!  Holy cow!  Man!"

He is worth the wait.  Even when it seems like it is going to be really really really long time before things return to "normal".  (And, by the way?  There is no normal...)

Waves.

Henri Nouwen said, "Self-doubt is such a rampant disease (in many schools, but also other places) that affirmation is more important than ever.  It can simply mean the expression of excitement and surprise or a word of thanks.  It can mean recommendations of good books or refgerral to people with special talents.  It often means just bringing the right persons together or setting apart time and place where more thinking can be done.  But it always includes the inner conviction that a precious gift merits attention and continuing care.

There are just as many ways to be a Christian as there are Christians, and it seems the more important the impostion of any doctrine or precoded idea is to offer (the students) the place where they can reveal their great human potentials to love, to give, and to create, and where they can find the affirmation that gives them the courage to continue their search without fear.

Only when we have come in touch with our own life experiences and have learned to listen to our inner cravings for liberation and new life can we realize that Jesus did not just speak, but that he reached out to us in our most personal needs.  The Gospel doesn't just contain ideas worth remembering.  It is a message resopnding to our individual human condition.  The Church is not an institution forcing us to follow its rules.  It is a community of people inviting us to still our hunger and thirst at its tables.  Doctrines are not alien formulations which we must adhere to but the documentation of the most profound human experiences which, transcending time and place, are handed over from generation to generation as a light in our darkness."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nS_aR8XX_U&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Self-doubt is a crippling disease.  When I can across this random YouTube video tonight, I wondered what was going through that surfer's mind.  I was blown away.  I am baffled by human potential; that wave was huge. 

We have seasons in our lives where the waves just seem so big.  I have found myself hesitating and hesitating to just dive into them, but I am slowly gaining courage.  Slowly.  Because to love, to give, and to create, and to find the courage to continue our search without fear is something that, I think, honors God.  Surfing large waves is what we were made to do.  And, you know, I'm so thankful for the people in my life who are willing to "ride out on a jet ski" to see me off into the waves, and to wait with me while I figure out which one I'm going to take.

Parking.

Two words: parking space. 

Oh my goodness, I had an epiphany today in the parking lot of the pool I do aquatic therapy in.  I realized that parking spaces are a terrific way for me to put others before myself.  It sounds ridiculous, but next time you see that sweet, juicy, right next to the door spot, drive right on by, and park 100 yards away from the door.


It's hard to do.  I really had to adjust my attitude as a white SUV zoomed into the spot that I was about to pull in to.  Especially when you have two dweeby crutches, and don't want to have to mess with the shenanigans of having to crutchstepcrutchstep to the back row of the parking lot.  I mean, I'm pretty sure it was a red Skittle that almost took me out.  The place was packed.

But you know what?  It was a teachable moment for me.  It truly was a sacrifice, as stupid as that sounds.  Why is it so difficult for me to think of others before I think of my own benefit?  It's unnatural in our broken world.  That's why.  Because, man, there are so many ways that we can demonstrate love to others using something as simple as a parking space.  Holding the door for someone.  Bringing a meal to someone's house.  Not having to have the last word in the argument.  Driving considerately.  Smiling.  Being the first to say "hello", and stopping to listen when you ask, "how are you doing?"  I could go on and on with seemingly menial things in our everyday lives.  But those tiny things make all the difference in the world.

Thank you, Lord, for lost parking spots.

"Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. For even Christ did not please himself... For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."  -Romans 15:2-6

Follow.

"Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am.

Don't run from suffering; embrace it.

Follow me and I'll show you how.

Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God."  -Luke 9:23-27

Oh man.  This verse is the bomb.  I read it tonight, and I'm totally speechless once again.  God has some pretty amazing things to say to us, and when we listen to his voice amidst all of the other noises surrounding us, it is a beautiful thing. 

I caught my embarrassed self red-handed today as I was talking to a cashier at Caribou.  Lately (because I'm only using one crutch & have only one boot) people have been saying, "Oh my, what happened to your foot?"  It's then that I have to tell my snarky self to shut its pie hole.  (I can't even tell you how many times I seriously want to say, "An elephant stepped on it while I was running around in the exhibit dressed up as Tarzan at the zoo." or "I ran over it while I was driving my car.")  Or, people will ask me how my day is going, and when I say, "It's going good, how's yours?"  The reply?  "Better than yours."  It breaks my heart that people just assume that because I hobble, I'm not happy or hopeful.  Well.  Jesus is pretty cool like that.  He creates new equations:  Hobbling = happy and hopeful.

Anyway, I became really embarrassed when the cashier was drawing her co-workers' attention towards me, and I really just wanted to walk away.  Somehow, I couldn't even find the words, "Jesus" or "thankful" or "thank-you".  I don't know why I got so flustered.  But it is the way I am being led right now, and I need to buck up.  I tell you, it's not pie in the sky.  Thankfully, I can continue to follow my Teacher, and embrace it.

And I can't even begin to say how those last few sentences sum up a whole lot more than the last few months.  I have read a heck of a lot of self-help books, and tried to figure out "who I am", when really, it just comes down to following Jesus.  Heh heh...one hobble at a time.