One of my many nicknames is Flounder. I was actually just called it as my parents headed up to bed. "'Night, Flounder!" Who knows where it comes from. Probably The Little Mermaid. I love the nickname, and I think that all of the nicknames my family has for one another bring smiles to our faces because they are meant out of love. Squirt, Peanut, Pumpkin, Goober, Mr. Man, Mama, Louise. It's like our hidden code, a secret language.
Hearing the word flounder brought a lot of things to my mind tonight though. Not because it's a nickname, but the visualization it brings, especially after watching Finding Nemo yesterday. (You know, the scene where he can't find the fish because they are hidden opposite his eyes?) Sometimes I feel like I've floundered around in my life. I've been thinking a lot this week about the idea of focus, probably because that was the main point of the sermon last Sunday. Justin, the youth pastor at Springbrook (which is where I'm currently attending) talked about the importance of what we focus on in life. It becomes a deep, deep part of who we are. I have often been made fun of in my lifetime because I have this inability to focus at the "right" time or on the "right" things.
(I also have an inability to control myself in situations which a) I am nervous or uncomfortable, b) I am excited, or c) I'm really really tired. I talk incessantly, and I can't stop. Maybe everybody does this, but at some point I say something stupid, and then am pegged with that stupid comment for a while by people who have really good memories. I don't happen to have a good memory. I think it's because I put things out of my brain for a reason. Example A: Dancing in casts on my bed. I'm nervous, uncomfortable, excited, or tired quite often.) Which is why writing a blog is humbling. I have this fear of being misinterpreted or misunderstood.
But, I'm not writing for me. I'm not writing for release or for therapy, I'm writing because I want to point to a bigger picture, paint a bigger picture. Dictionary.com says that focus means, "a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity." I want all attraction, attention, and activity in my life to be on Jesus, and I want other people to see Him when they see me.
2 Corinthians 4:17 & 18
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Light and momentary troubles can sometimes be felt as heavy and permanent. I've got one month down, but I still have two or more to go. The troubles that we face in life refine us as human beings, but in the moment it's hard to look to what is unseen. The important piece in the equation is not just believing in ourselves - I've heard that too many times in my life & it has never worked for me; it is not enough to fix our eyes on good Things. Family, provision, doing good, serving the community; these are all very good things, but they are still not enough. The important piece is where we fix our eyes; they must be on Jesus. Rerouting our eyeballs and our bodies and our brains to see what isn't seen.
Multi-tasking is highly valued in our culture today. I mean, eating while driving while talking on your phone while driving while looking in the mirror while driving. I've done it. Don't even lie to me, I know you have too. Watching T.V. and playing with the kids and having an important conversation with the spouse. I've seen it done. Checking your voicemail while checking your e-mail while checking your Facebook while checking your text inbox. Smoothing over an issue at work while dealing with deep interpersonal issues while dealing with the issues of the people around you. You name it. And it's valued. In fact, if you can't do it, then you are most likely out of the game. You are considered a failure.
Troubles look different for everyone. Fixing our eyes is a lot of work, especially in our culture. It's hard for me to focus, to fix upon. Really really hard. While I read my Bible, my computer & my cell phone call my name. When I pray, my mind can wander aimlessly for many minutes. While my mom is trying to talk to me, the movie I paused or the book I put down calls my name. When I fix my eyes on Jesus, romance & pessimism & pain & money & disappointment & fear & pride & position & status call my name. Sometimes quite loudly. But, by the grace of God, they remain on him still. And when I look away, he cups my face & gently turns me back towards him.
I've been full of songs lately...here's yet another:
Fix your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Gems.
Yesterday was rain, and today is snow. Living in the midwest is an adventure! I love it! Secretly, I have been wishing that it would snow, and as much as I enjoyed the rain last night, I couldn't help but wonder where the snow was. It was creating suspense, that tricksy snow. But it has officially come and gone, and we have nothing to say for it, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
Today I was able to spend a lot of time reading and writing and visiting with friends, and just catching up on fun stuff. My mom started decorating the house with Christmas decorations, and everything looks so great. She only keeps the stuff that has meaning over time, so there are little sock snowmen, a life of Jesus wreath that she made when I was like 13, and things given to us by people that we love & that love us. We laugh because our Christmas decorations look like they have been fighting in their boxes when they aren't on display. I gave her this giant bell last year, and I laughed when I saw it again because I have no idea what I was thinking. My MeeMaw's nativity set is on our piano, and the tree looks wonderful. Today is the last day of November. I officially feel like time is flying by.
Time is seriously something I've always been fascinated by...it's something that we need to be cognizant of at all times. I mean, in one minute, it's December. Every day is meaningful. There isn't ever "just another day" or "get me through this Monday" - every day is important and valued and bought with a high price. My friend said tonight, "You know, within each day we can find rest, almost like a little mini-vacation." I know that life isn't "normal" for me right now, but she was right. Even when I head back into full-time work, we can find rest and peace and joy within every day. The view can always be beautiful; it's how we look at it. Dancing to "Love Like Woe" with two casts on my legs? Pearls.
See dance here:
Having my mom talk about my poop while we're taping this silly thing? Hmmm...Amethyst. Watching a super-cheesy movie with said friend and my sisters? Sapphires. Another two months with my family? Rubies. Having a warm bed to sleep in tonight? Diamonds. Blankets with which to cover up with? Canary diamonds.
I never would have planned this for my life. Have I said that before? I never in a million years would have volunteered myself for two broken facilities on my body, but God has richly blessed me with more than I could have imagined on this journey. I am not even kidding when I say I would be a thousandaire if I had a dollar for all of the ways that I have seen God work in and around me in the last month. It has honestly been thousands. His grace is enough. I mean, it was a month ago today that I was coming home from the hospital, and here I am now, nearly pain-free, alert, dancing stupidly in my bed, surrounded by amazing people, my family upstairs, and one of my closest friends on my couch, and two months away from the possibility of walking. Yesterday's intense rain is today's beautiful snow - light, floating, gentle.
It's more than I could ever have imagined. Broken legs redeemed as a blessing. God is good to me. I don't deserve him. The verse that comes to mind when I share this is from Ephesians.
The book of Ephesians was written by Paul to the church in Ephesus. I love this letter. I love it so so much. I wish that you and I could sit down right now at this moment and drink white peach tea in over-sized mugs and discuss the book of Ephesians. It is packed with so many gems, ones that I haven't even found yet which, I think, is why I'm so captivated by the writing. I first started learning about Ephesians about a decade ago, a couple of years after I had become a Christ-follower. My pastor, Zack, used verses 20 and 21 below to cast vision into a sea of people called Faith Church, and I remember being deeply impacted by it at such a young age. My dad obviously was too because he decided he was going to sacrifice his vocation and comfort for a position in ministry, but that's another story. The verse was like my family's send-off verse, like a strong bell prophesying into the future. It rang so true. Here's chapter three, 20 & 21:
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"
I feel like this verse is so appropriate for today, one month that I found myself traveling home from an experience that would alter the way I live my life. Paul is talking to the church of Ephesus about how he doesn't want them to be discouraged by his sufferings. In jail, he calls himself a "prisoner of Christ." I love that. I am a prisoner of Christ, but I'm free. He speaks to God's grace, and how his mystery is made known in Jesus. Being part of a body of Christ-followers is where this mystery is supposed to be revealed, with the Holy Spirit leading the way. Here's the verse in more context:
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Do you see what I mean about gems? I pray that you can see them, sparkling and shining into your life.
I could spend half an hour highlighting and explaining why I am so in love with this passage. I'm not joking when I say I want to sit down with tea and study it with you! We'd rip this bag wide open, spilling jewels everywhere, right? I mean, I'm talking manuscripting, baby. InterVarsity style.
For me it's that I can't wait to kneel before my Father each day because the highest place in the world is at his feet. I have seen his glorious riches, and they have strengthened me on my life journey. I have seen his Spirit move, and felt it in my inner being, in deeper places than I was willing to go. I have seen the change in my life because Christ dwells in it. I so long to have deep, solid roots that grow into rich soil called love. I long to be together with God's people. I will never grasp how wide and long and high and deep Christ's love it, but I will dive into that pool and swim ferociously for the rest of my life. He deserves at least that. And I love it that while I'm swimming in that wondrous pool, he's splashing right beside me.
Even more than I can imagine. He is able to do even more. To him be glory in the church, and in Christ through all generations, forever and ever and ever and ever! Amen!
Today I was able to spend a lot of time reading and writing and visiting with friends, and just catching up on fun stuff. My mom started decorating the house with Christmas decorations, and everything looks so great. She only keeps the stuff that has meaning over time, so there are little sock snowmen, a life of Jesus wreath that she made when I was like 13, and things given to us by people that we love & that love us. We laugh because our Christmas decorations look like they have been fighting in their boxes when they aren't on display. I gave her this giant bell last year, and I laughed when I saw it again because I have no idea what I was thinking. My MeeMaw's nativity set is on our piano, and the tree looks wonderful. Today is the last day of November. I officially feel like time is flying by.
Time is seriously something I've always been fascinated by...it's something that we need to be cognizant of at all times. I mean, in one minute, it's December. Every day is meaningful. There isn't ever "just another day" or "get me through this Monday" - every day is important and valued and bought with a high price. My friend said tonight, "You know, within each day we can find rest, almost like a little mini-vacation." I know that life isn't "normal" for me right now, but she was right. Even when I head back into full-time work, we can find rest and peace and joy within every day. The view can always be beautiful; it's how we look at it. Dancing to "Love Like Woe" with two casts on my legs? Pearls.
See dance here:
Having my mom talk about my poop while we're taping this silly thing? Hmmm...Amethyst. Watching a super-cheesy movie with said friend and my sisters? Sapphires. Another two months with my family? Rubies. Having a warm bed to sleep in tonight? Diamonds. Blankets with which to cover up with? Canary diamonds.
I never would have planned this for my life. Have I said that before? I never in a million years would have volunteered myself for two broken facilities on my body, but God has richly blessed me with more than I could have imagined on this journey. I am not even kidding when I say I would be a thousandaire if I had a dollar for all of the ways that I have seen God work in and around me in the last month. It has honestly been thousands. His grace is enough. I mean, it was a month ago today that I was coming home from the hospital, and here I am now, nearly pain-free, alert, dancing stupidly in my bed, surrounded by amazing people, my family upstairs, and one of my closest friends on my couch, and two months away from the possibility of walking. Yesterday's intense rain is today's beautiful snow - light, floating, gentle.
It's more than I could ever have imagined. Broken legs redeemed as a blessing. God is good to me. I don't deserve him. The verse that comes to mind when I share this is from Ephesians.
The book of Ephesians was written by Paul to the church in Ephesus. I love this letter. I love it so so much. I wish that you and I could sit down right now at this moment and drink white peach tea in over-sized mugs and discuss the book of Ephesians. It is packed with so many gems, ones that I haven't even found yet which, I think, is why I'm so captivated by the writing. I first started learning about Ephesians about a decade ago, a couple of years after I had become a Christ-follower. My pastor, Zack, used verses 20 and 21 below to cast vision into a sea of people called Faith Church, and I remember being deeply impacted by it at such a young age. My dad obviously was too because he decided he was going to sacrifice his vocation and comfort for a position in ministry, but that's another story. The verse was like my family's send-off verse, like a strong bell prophesying into the future. It rang so true. Here's chapter three, 20 & 21:
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"
I feel like this verse is so appropriate for today, one month that I found myself traveling home from an experience that would alter the way I live my life. Paul is talking to the church of Ephesus about how he doesn't want them to be discouraged by his sufferings. In jail, he calls himself a "prisoner of Christ." I love that. I am a prisoner of Christ, but I'm free. He speaks to God's grace, and how his mystery is made known in Jesus. Being part of a body of Christ-followers is where this mystery is supposed to be revealed, with the Holy Spirit leading the way. Here's the verse in more context:
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Do you see what I mean about gems? I pray that you can see them, sparkling and shining into your life.
I could spend half an hour highlighting and explaining why I am so in love with this passage. I'm not joking when I say I want to sit down with tea and study it with you! We'd rip this bag wide open, spilling jewels everywhere, right? I mean, I'm talking manuscripting, baby. InterVarsity style.
For me it's that I can't wait to kneel before my Father each day because the highest place in the world is at his feet. I have seen his glorious riches, and they have strengthened me on my life journey. I have seen his Spirit move, and felt it in my inner being, in deeper places than I was willing to go. I have seen the change in my life because Christ dwells in it. I so long to have deep, solid roots that grow into rich soil called love. I long to be together with God's people. I will never grasp how wide and long and high and deep Christ's love it, but I will dive into that pool and swim ferociously for the rest of my life. He deserves at least that. And I love it that while I'm swimming in that wondrous pool, he's splashing right beside me.
Even more than I can imagine. He is able to do even more. To him be glory in the church, and in Christ through all generations, forever and ever and ever and ever! Amen!
Rain.
Today's rain was so beautiful to me. I just laid in my car for half an hour soaking up the noise around me. It was like a blanket of peace intertwined in my legs, and surrounding my body. There is nothing like the smell of a rainy day. I'm so thankful that my hearing and smelling and tasting receptors are intact. I'm lucky I didn't bite my tongue off or jam anything up my nose on my way down when I fell. Something else to be thankful for.
I had such a fun day today. It was refreshing after a rough patch of days. Mondays are always fun because it is my dad's day off, and so we celebrate with things like going out to eat (nothing fancy - just like Taco Bell's tostadas or something fun and cheap), or going to a store, or getting hot chocolate from Starbucks. Or, in his case working on the house. Fun, fun, fun! He built my ramp on a Monday, and installed the guard rails on a Monday, and tries to get the honey-do stuff done on a Monday. Today he went shopping with my mom and I all day. On a Monday. He's a good man. Having four daughters is a hefty responsibility, and he handles it well. He has to go shopping a lot. Or wait in the car. Pretty sure he never would have imagined it that way, but he takes it all in stride. He sometimes likes shopping...I don't know if he'll admit it. : )
Anyway, we spent a large majority of the day at the mall nearby my house. Strolling and rolling around - it was super. I'm getting more and more used to people staring at me, and I've gotten to the point where I just pretend like I don't see people gawking (and I mean gawking) at me so they can stare freely, and try to figure out why the heck a chick is in a wheelchair being wheeled around with both legs straight up in the air. Guess away, my friends, guess away. It sounds like a really fun game.
The sweetest old lady came up to us while the three of us were sharing our Chinese food plate, and started talking to us about Jesus. It was so fast, one second she was asking me what happened to my legs, and then the next second she was telling us about how we needed Jesus in our live - she started sharing the gospel (a short description of Jesus' life, how it applies to our lives, and how we respond as human beings. The gospel is the hope that is found in Jesus. In case you didn't know. Like me. : ) It was a crazy encounter! Her name was Rosita. She smelled so good; like roses with a hint of sweet grandma. Anyway, I love listening to peoples' stories, and we definitely got to hear some of her life story. Most definitely. My parents and I prayed with her & went on our way.
One thing I noticed though is how much differently she presented the gospel than I do. She kept saying (and I really should say yelling) things like "You're going to hell without Jesus", or "separation for eternity from Him".
As a human being, I don't like hearing those words. As a Christian, I read them, and I still don't like them. The truth of the matter is that what she was saying is actually something that Jesus talked about in the Bible. Jesus only spoke truth, and sometimes he said some harsh things - he claimed to be the only way to heaven. I came across a verse today, and it kind of put things in perspective for me. (I have had a lot of things put into perspective for me in the last weeks, but it continues even still. I guess life truly is a life-long journey. : )
Jesus is talking to his disciples (in Mark 13, Mark being the disciple), and he's telling them that they are going to be beaten, flogged, hated, and killed because they associated themselves with Him. I mean, I'm sorry, but I may have just quietly tip-toed away at that point in the conversation. Like, "whistle whistle whistle...GONE." No one would have had time to say, "Where's Catie?", (which they often do...) I can see me now...sneaking around buildings, Mission Impossible style, unattaching myself from narrowing eyes. I mean, come on. Flogging? Death? But the disciples were so enthralled by Jesus that they stayed. He. Was worth it. I mean, I'm sure their knees were shaking, and their heads were spinning (and mine would have been too), but they stayed! It really says something about Jesus, doesn't it? These were smart people, and yet they were drawn to Jesus in such unimaginable ways. I am too.
Jesus then warns them that people are going to lie about the Messiah, but that they should remember what they have seen (and some of them even go on to write down those things they have seen.) Then he gets to a part about a tree. I just love trees. Soooo...Mark 13:28-37:
“Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near." (Unless strange weather patterns keep them blooming so that their leaves are coming out in November too...ha ha just kidding. Catie commentary ending now.) "Even so, when you see these things happening, you know that it is near, right at the door. Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. ...It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch. Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back—whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!'”
This is an intense verse. There's even...an exclamation point! It made me think of my intense Rosita encounter. I do not like to think about dying or passing away, and yet my very life could have been taken from me. I'm certainly thinking about it now! I think it is important to reflect upon the fact that our lives are but a mist, a vapor in the wind. We are so finite in the grand scheme of things, and I think we too easily get caught up in our own universes. We grow arrogant, and self-righteous because we forget these truths.
I mean, seriously, every year I'm disgusted by reports of people being trampled because others are so focused on what they want. For things that will be old news the following year, but who thinks of that when you're in the front of the line at Target because you've been waiting since 12:00am Central Time, and you really really really want that new T.V.! Did you know that someone died on Black Friday last year!? I've stopped going out on BF because it disgusts me. I'm not judging all people that do; some people do it and have a sense of contentment deep down in their souls. Even if they don't get that thing, they'll be ok, and you know, they might just let that jerk cut them in line. GASP! It's so easy though, isn't it? To get so caught up in the go go go mantra of our culture. I do. Get get get. More more more. You must must must have this this this. It's never-ever ending. And it's always so enticing, so delicious, but always so illusive. We never. seem. to. have. enough.
One of my favorite lines in that passage is this one:
"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
How much more important do Jesus' words become in that moment? The real question is: do we believe those words? Are they really true? Some of you may just stop reading here because you don't believe that Jesus was real, or that he existed. Some may disagree that Jesus was God; maybe you think he was a great prophet. Others might say that he was a great person, a figure to aspire to be like in life. Still others say that he was a crazy-head who was overly involved in politics, or that he had an affair with Mary Magdalene. I don't know what you believe, and I don't know what you know of this Jesus.
What I believe and know is that the very Jesus talking in this verse, and all the others in the New Testament is the Jesus has changed my life. He has transformed my heart into what it is today, from a very self-focused, self-absorbed, self-appreciating, prideful, angry, and often unkind girl into someone who longs to made into his likeness: other-focused, enemy-loving, always kind, truthful at all times, patient to the point of blood boiling temperatures. Vulnerable. Meek. Lowly. Forgiving. He continues to transform my hear each day. I need him because he is the source of the things. The Source of Life. I believe that he was the Son of God, not because I like fairy tales, but because I believe the things I read in the Bible; he claimed to be the Son of God, and that's why I believe he is. And the people that followed him were not brainwashed - they were educated, smart people, some were even leaders in their day. I may be brainwashed & a little loopy, so you better be careful, eh? ; ) These people testify to this Jesus. And, like Rosita was saying, if we reject this gospel, one of peace, but one of great commitment & cost, we spend forever separated from this same Jesus.
So when I was listening to Rosita today, the question I found myself asking was, what is the truth?
C.S. Lewis once said that we could believe that Jesus was one of three things: a liar, a lunatic, or lord. What is the truth? You have to pick one. So, on this rainy day, I thought of another song, and it's my prayer for you and for me.
(chunks from) Rain Down by Delirious:
Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy, feels like the winds are gonna change.
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready, its time for heaven's rain.
Chorus:
Because it's living water we desire, to flood our hearts with holy fire.
Rain down all around the world we're singing;
Rain down can you hear the earth is singing?
Rain down my heart is dry but still I'm singing;
Rain down, rain it down on me.
Back to the start, my heart is heavy. Feels like it's time to dream again!
I see the clouds, and yes I'm ready to dance upon this barren land. : ) (Macarena!)
Hope in my hands! Chorus...
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts.
Give me strength to cross the water. Keep my heart upon Your altar.
Give me strength to cross this water. Keep my feet don’t let me falter.
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts, open up our hearts.
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts, open up our hearts.
I had such a fun day today. It was refreshing after a rough patch of days. Mondays are always fun because it is my dad's day off, and so we celebrate with things like going out to eat (nothing fancy - just like Taco Bell's tostadas or something fun and cheap), or going to a store, or getting hot chocolate from Starbucks. Or, in his case working on the house. Fun, fun, fun! He built my ramp on a Monday, and installed the guard rails on a Monday, and tries to get the honey-do stuff done on a Monday. Today he went shopping with my mom and I all day. On a Monday. He's a good man. Having four daughters is a hefty responsibility, and he handles it well. He has to go shopping a lot. Or wait in the car. Pretty sure he never would have imagined it that way, but he takes it all in stride. He sometimes likes shopping...I don't know if he'll admit it. : )
Anyway, we spent a large majority of the day at the mall nearby my house. Strolling and rolling around - it was super. I'm getting more and more used to people staring at me, and I've gotten to the point where I just pretend like I don't see people gawking (and I mean gawking) at me so they can stare freely, and try to figure out why the heck a chick is in a wheelchair being wheeled around with both legs straight up in the air. Guess away, my friends, guess away. It sounds like a really fun game.
The sweetest old lady came up to us while the three of us were sharing our Chinese food plate, and started talking to us about Jesus. It was so fast, one second she was asking me what happened to my legs, and then the next second she was telling us about how we needed Jesus in our live - she started sharing the gospel (a short description of Jesus' life, how it applies to our lives, and how we respond as human beings. The gospel is the hope that is found in Jesus. In case you didn't know. Like me. : ) It was a crazy encounter! Her name was Rosita. She smelled so good; like roses with a hint of sweet grandma. Anyway, I love listening to peoples' stories, and we definitely got to hear some of her life story. Most definitely. My parents and I prayed with her & went on our way.
One thing I noticed though is how much differently she presented the gospel than I do. She kept saying (and I really should say yelling) things like "You're going to hell without Jesus", or "separation for eternity from Him".
As a human being, I don't like hearing those words. As a Christian, I read them, and I still don't like them. The truth of the matter is that what she was saying is actually something that Jesus talked about in the Bible. Jesus only spoke truth, and sometimes he said some harsh things - he claimed to be the only way to heaven. I came across a verse today, and it kind of put things in perspective for me. (I have had a lot of things put into perspective for me in the last weeks, but it continues even still. I guess life truly is a life-long journey. : )
Jesus is talking to his disciples (in Mark 13, Mark being the disciple), and he's telling them that they are going to be beaten, flogged, hated, and killed because they associated themselves with Him. I mean, I'm sorry, but I may have just quietly tip-toed away at that point in the conversation. Like, "whistle whistle whistle...GONE." No one would have had time to say, "Where's Catie?", (which they often do...) I can see me now...sneaking around buildings, Mission Impossible style, unattaching myself from narrowing eyes. I mean, come on. Flogging? Death? But the disciples were so enthralled by Jesus that they stayed. He. Was worth it. I mean, I'm sure their knees were shaking, and their heads were spinning (and mine would have been too), but they stayed! It really says something about Jesus, doesn't it? These were smart people, and yet they were drawn to Jesus in such unimaginable ways. I am too.
Jesus then warns them that people are going to lie about the Messiah, but that they should remember what they have seen (and some of them even go on to write down those things they have seen.) Then he gets to a part about a tree. I just love trees. Soooo...Mark 13:28-37:
“Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near." (Unless strange weather patterns keep them blooming so that their leaves are coming out in November too...ha ha just kidding. Catie commentary ending now.) "Even so, when you see these things happening, you know that it is near, right at the door. Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away. ...It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch. Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back—whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!'”
This is an intense verse. There's even...an exclamation point! It made me think of my intense Rosita encounter. I do not like to think about dying or passing away, and yet my very life could have been taken from me. I'm certainly thinking about it now! I think it is important to reflect upon the fact that our lives are but a mist, a vapor in the wind. We are so finite in the grand scheme of things, and I think we too easily get caught up in our own universes. We grow arrogant, and self-righteous because we forget these truths.
I mean, seriously, every year I'm disgusted by reports of people being trampled because others are so focused on what they want. For things that will be old news the following year, but who thinks of that when you're in the front of the line at Target because you've been waiting since 12:00am Central Time, and you really really really want that new T.V.! Did you know that someone died on Black Friday last year!? I've stopped going out on BF because it disgusts me. I'm not judging all people that do; some people do it and have a sense of contentment deep down in their souls. Even if they don't get that thing, they'll be ok, and you know, they might just let that jerk cut them in line. GASP! It's so easy though, isn't it? To get so caught up in the go go go mantra of our culture. I do. Get get get. More more more. You must must must have this this this. It's never-ever ending. And it's always so enticing, so delicious, but always so illusive. We never. seem. to. have. enough.
One of my favorite lines in that passage is this one:
"Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
How much more important do Jesus' words become in that moment? The real question is: do we believe those words? Are they really true? Some of you may just stop reading here because you don't believe that Jesus was real, or that he existed. Some may disagree that Jesus was God; maybe you think he was a great prophet. Others might say that he was a great person, a figure to aspire to be like in life. Still others say that he was a crazy-head who was overly involved in politics, or that he had an affair with Mary Magdalene. I don't know what you believe, and I don't know what you know of this Jesus.
What I believe and know is that the very Jesus talking in this verse, and all the others in the New Testament is the Jesus has changed my life. He has transformed my heart into what it is today, from a very self-focused, self-absorbed, self-appreciating, prideful, angry, and often unkind girl into someone who longs to made into his likeness: other-focused, enemy-loving, always kind, truthful at all times, patient to the point of blood boiling temperatures. Vulnerable. Meek. Lowly. Forgiving. He continues to transform my hear each day. I need him because he is the source of the things. The Source of Life. I believe that he was the Son of God, not because I like fairy tales, but because I believe the things I read in the Bible; he claimed to be the Son of God, and that's why I believe he is. And the people that followed him were not brainwashed - they were educated, smart people, some were even leaders in their day. I may be brainwashed & a little loopy, so you better be careful, eh? ; ) These people testify to this Jesus. And, like Rosita was saying, if we reject this gospel, one of peace, but one of great commitment & cost, we spend forever separated from this same Jesus.
So when I was listening to Rosita today, the question I found myself asking was, what is the truth?
C.S. Lewis once said that we could believe that Jesus was one of three things: a liar, a lunatic, or lord. What is the truth? You have to pick one. So, on this rainy day, I thought of another song, and it's my prayer for you and for me.
(chunks from) Rain Down by Delirious:
Looks like tonight, the sky is heavy, feels like the winds are gonna change.
Beneath my feet, the earth is ready, its time for heaven's rain.
Chorus:
Because it's living water we desire, to flood our hearts with holy fire.
Rain down all around the world we're singing;
Rain down can you hear the earth is singing?
Rain down my heart is dry but still I'm singing;
Rain down, rain it down on me.
Back to the start, my heart is heavy. Feels like it's time to dream again!
I see the clouds, and yes I'm ready to dance upon this barren land. : ) (Macarena!)
Hope in my hands! Chorus...
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts.
Give me strength to cross the water. Keep my heart upon Your altar.
Give me strength to cross this water. Keep my feet don’t let me falter.
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts, open up our hearts.
Do not shut the heavens, but open up our hearts, open up our hearts.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Tired.
I went to church today. It was wonderful, it was refreshing, it was encouraging, and I'm ready for bed. It is extremely encouraging to know that so many people are praying for me; I know that it is making such a difference. Prayer is not mystical, but something that God deserves and desires; honest communication with Him. He longs to hear from us, just as we long to hear from him, and I'm thankful that he is a God who hears his people. We can talk to him candidly but reverently, honestly but humbly, with our concerns and with the concerns of others. It's beautiful. He knows what I need, and chooses to allow other people to get invovled in the process. Equally beautiful.
The sweetest lady gave me a fabric card today with a landscape sewn onto it, and the verse that she listed on it is so applicable to my life. Psalm 63:6-8:
"On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me."
Laying in bed gets old, but I still choose to remember God - his faithfulness, his considerate and compassionate heart, his love, his patience, his plan, and his purpose for my life. I catch myself thinking not only of his character, but of what he's doing right now. Smiling? Laughing? Radiating? Crying? Jealous? Angry? Concerned? Broken-hearted? Full of lament? All of the above? I so long to see him, and I can't wait until the day when I can behold his face, and fall before his throne. He truly is my help - at every single turn, and I can't help but envisioning myself as a baby chick nestled under its mother's wings, singing a song. The one I've had stuck in my head all day goes like this:
Great is thy faithfulness, oh God my Father. There is no shadow of turning with thee. Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not. As thou hast been, thou forever will be. Great is thy faithfulness! Great is thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed thy hand has provided; great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.
Lord, may that song be sweet to your ears, and may it bless you. I long to bring you praise, and I long to bring fame and honor to your brilliant name because you deserve it, God. You deserve even more than I have to give.
Clinging to God gets harder because my arms get tired, and my body grows so weak. I get scared, and start wondering if my safety harness is attached. At this moment, I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. It has been a very long week, with quite a few battles that I've had to fight (and I should say "we" have had to fight). I'm so thankful that when we give our all, and surrender ourselves to an amazing God, that he upholds us, and takes care of us with such tenderness. Though I may be growing weak, he is strong, and I boast all the more gladly in my weakness. I am tired, but he is enough. He is my strength and my "awakeness" if you will. The watches of the night begin in about T-minus 45 seconds, but I think of him because he is my help, my source of life.
The sweetest lady gave me a fabric card today with a landscape sewn onto it, and the verse that she listed on it is so applicable to my life. Psalm 63:6-8:
"On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your right hand upholds me."
Laying in bed gets old, but I still choose to remember God - his faithfulness, his considerate and compassionate heart, his love, his patience, his plan, and his purpose for my life. I catch myself thinking not only of his character, but of what he's doing right now. Smiling? Laughing? Radiating? Crying? Jealous? Angry? Concerned? Broken-hearted? Full of lament? All of the above? I so long to see him, and I can't wait until the day when I can behold his face, and fall before his throne. He truly is my help - at every single turn, and I can't help but envisioning myself as a baby chick nestled under its mother's wings, singing a song. The one I've had stuck in my head all day goes like this:
Great is thy faithfulness, oh God my Father. There is no shadow of turning with thee. Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not. As thou hast been, thou forever will be. Great is thy faithfulness! Great is thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed thy hand has provided; great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.
Lord, may that song be sweet to your ears, and may it bless you. I long to bring you praise, and I long to bring fame and honor to your brilliant name because you deserve it, God. You deserve even more than I have to give.
Clinging to God gets harder because my arms get tired, and my body grows so weak. I get scared, and start wondering if my safety harness is attached. At this moment, I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. It has been a very long week, with quite a few battles that I've had to fight (and I should say "we" have had to fight). I'm so thankful that when we give our all, and surrender ourselves to an amazing God, that he upholds us, and takes care of us with such tenderness. Though I may be growing weak, he is strong, and I boast all the more gladly in my weakness. I am tired, but he is enough. He is my strength and my "awakeness" if you will. The watches of the night begin in about T-minus 45 seconds, but I think of him because he is my help, my source of life.
Celebrate.
Dun dun dun duuuuuuuuuun! Guess who's going to church tomorrow, guess who's going to church tomorrow? Me! Me! Me!! Sing it again! Guess who's going to church tomorrow, guess who's going to church tomorrow? Me! Me! Me!!
That's my song. It's about tomorrow. Because I'm going to church.
Whoot whoot! Oh yeah, oh yeah. I'm dancing, I'm dancing.
I'm almost as excited about church as I was for Thanksgibbin'! (We had such a wonderful day together, and we have so much to be thankful for - individually and collectively. We ate dinner at my grandma's house, had some yummy pie, and then officially kicked off the "Christmas Season" with The Polar Express. I sat at the head of the table (which my dad and aunt had all ready to go) with my legs out. It was pretty cool. It tied the night at Olive Garden...a pretty great night. (By the way, I went to Olive Garden last weekend. It was also pretty cool. My peeps wheeled me in, and they had a table all ready to go for my gigantic family. My grandma was also there, and she sat next to me in her walker. We sat down and all seven of us just started giggling. I mean, call it a circus, call it an adventure, call it whatever you want. I only bumped four people, and I had the best time ever. Yay for fake Italian food! Chicken Marsala forever, baby. Wish I had a picture. Wish you could have been there!)
After the movie at grandma's, I had to use the ladies room. I tell you this because it's a funny story, and I'm giving you another thing to be thankful for. You can't tell anyone else. Because it's about poop. Again. If you did happen to have a hard time coming up with something to be thankful for Thursday, consider this: you can go to the bathroom anytime you want without help from anyone. Not complaining. But be thankful.
So, this poop story starts at grandma's house, and ends in my garage. I ended up going poop in the garage. My aunt had to follow my parents home because the toilet, aka Commodie, wouldn't fit in our van with the wheelchair. My dad sped the whole way because it was serious. Catie Circus? Maybe. And maybe I need a tent...it certainly would have come in handy because MAN! I had to go! My parents were freaking out, well, because of what has happened in the past. (See: "Humility") They didn't want that moment in time replicated, and I didn't either. So, my mom being the ingenuitive woman that she is grabbed Commodie from the car & raced into the garage. From the side door of the van, I plopped onto Commodie, my aunt & three sisters formed a wall around me so the neighbors couldn't see my nekked butt, and BAM! It was a magical moment. It was like a real-life Planet Earth movie taking place in our garage. You know, where the big elephants surround the baby ones so they don't get eaten by lions? Except the baby elephant had to go the bathroom in this movie.
Have I mentioned that I have a lot to be thankful for? Fo ril.
In the midst of this joyous post-giving of Thanks weekend, and some crazy poop escapades, I had a really weird day today. First of all, I watched SNL instead of reading my Bible this morning. Not a good idea. Not only did this season stink, but I got off on the wrong foot. It's amazing how much of a difference reading something in the morning can make for me. And, second of all, I napped, and this is always a big mistake. I'm simply not a napper, but I couldn't help it! I'm tired! And my feet hurt! A lot! So when I was grumpy towards my dad today, he got his feelings hurt because he didn't realize that my feet were hurting, and then I felt bad, and then I fell asleep, and then my sister was leaving to go back to Texas and had to wake me up, and I didn't really get to say goodbye because I was in this drunken stupor, and the sad dad left with the mom and the sister, and then I woke up and I just felt sad. I hate saying goodbye. It's to be expected. Not every day is going to be hunky-dory, and my body is still recuperating from a major surgery. I'm human all right, but I don't like having gross days. They make me feel, well, gross.
Which brings me to tomorrow. I feel hope in having the day that God modeled for us: a day of rest. Now, this may sound crazy to you because I lay in bed all day, but I think the rest goes beyond the physical. I'm talking mental and emotional rest. It's all in how I look at it, and I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit uses other people around us to encourage us, and build us up. God so knew what he was doing when he designed the church. The first definition of church from Dictionary.com is "a building for public Christian worship". Eeeeeeeeeehhh. I disagree, Dictionary.com. I think that the first definition should be what they have for number three: the whole body of Christian believers.
The church has come to be important in my life because that's how God has designed me; it's how he designs us all. We need other people. Even if you aren't a "people person", you need other people around you. We need other people. And yes, sometimes it's hard being a part of the church because being around people is a lot of work, but the result is so worth it. We are not called to do life on our own; we are called to do life together. Tomorrow morning, I'm looking forward to sitting next to the people of the church, the body of Jesus, and worshipping our God together; an extension of what we've (hopefully) been doing all throughout the week. It's so beautiful, and it gives me such hope. David, the writer of the Psalms is talkingt to God, and he says, in chapter 92, verse 1:
"What a beautiful thing, God to give thanks, to sing an anthem to you, the High God!
To announce your love each daybreak."
What a celebration it will be! A new day. What an honor to sing songs to the High God. To announce his love; a God that is most worthy of all that we have to give. And not just tomorrow, but each day. I can't wait!
That's my song. It's about tomorrow. Because I'm going to church.
Whoot whoot! Oh yeah, oh yeah. I'm dancing, I'm dancing.
I'm almost as excited about church as I was for Thanksgibbin'! (We had such a wonderful day together, and we have so much to be thankful for - individually and collectively. We ate dinner at my grandma's house, had some yummy pie, and then officially kicked off the "Christmas Season" with The Polar Express. I sat at the head of the table (which my dad and aunt had all ready to go) with my legs out. It was pretty cool. It tied the night at Olive Garden...a pretty great night. (By the way, I went to Olive Garden last weekend. It was also pretty cool. My peeps wheeled me in, and they had a table all ready to go for my gigantic family. My grandma was also there, and she sat next to me in her walker. We sat down and all seven of us just started giggling. I mean, call it a circus, call it an adventure, call it whatever you want. I only bumped four people, and I had the best time ever. Yay for fake Italian food! Chicken Marsala forever, baby. Wish I had a picture. Wish you could have been there!)
After the movie at grandma's, I had to use the ladies room. I tell you this because it's a funny story, and I'm giving you another thing to be thankful for. You can't tell anyone else. Because it's about poop. Again. If you did happen to have a hard time coming up with something to be thankful for Thursday, consider this: you can go to the bathroom anytime you want without help from anyone. Not complaining. But be thankful.
So, this poop story starts at grandma's house, and ends in my garage. I ended up going poop in the garage. My aunt had to follow my parents home because the toilet, aka Commodie, wouldn't fit in our van with the wheelchair. My dad sped the whole way because it was serious. Catie Circus? Maybe. And maybe I need a tent...it certainly would have come in handy because MAN! I had to go! My parents were freaking out, well, because of what has happened in the past. (See: "Humility") They didn't want that moment in time replicated, and I didn't either. So, my mom being the ingenuitive woman that she is grabbed Commodie from the car & raced into the garage. From the side door of the van, I plopped onto Commodie, my aunt & three sisters formed a wall around me so the neighbors couldn't see my nekked butt, and BAM! It was a magical moment. It was like a real-life Planet Earth movie taking place in our garage. You know, where the big elephants surround the baby ones so they don't get eaten by lions? Except the baby elephant had to go the bathroom in this movie.
Have I mentioned that I have a lot to be thankful for? Fo ril.
In the midst of this joyous post-giving of Thanks weekend, and some crazy poop escapades, I had a really weird day today. First of all, I watched SNL instead of reading my Bible this morning. Not a good idea. Not only did this season stink, but I got off on the wrong foot. It's amazing how much of a difference reading something in the morning can make for me. And, second of all, I napped, and this is always a big mistake. I'm simply not a napper, but I couldn't help it! I'm tired! And my feet hurt! A lot! So when I was grumpy towards my dad today, he got his feelings hurt because he didn't realize that my feet were hurting, and then I felt bad, and then I fell asleep, and then my sister was leaving to go back to Texas and had to wake me up, and I didn't really get to say goodbye because I was in this drunken stupor, and the sad dad left with the mom and the sister, and then I woke up and I just felt sad. I hate saying goodbye. It's to be expected. Not every day is going to be hunky-dory, and my body is still recuperating from a major surgery. I'm human all right, but I don't like having gross days. They make me feel, well, gross.
Which brings me to tomorrow. I feel hope in having the day that God modeled for us: a day of rest. Now, this may sound crazy to you because I lay in bed all day, but I think the rest goes beyond the physical. I'm talking mental and emotional rest. It's all in how I look at it, and I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit uses other people around us to encourage us, and build us up. God so knew what he was doing when he designed the church. The first definition of church from Dictionary.com is "a building for public Christian worship". Eeeeeeeeeehhh. I disagree, Dictionary.com. I think that the first definition should be what they have for number three: the whole body of Christian believers.
The church has come to be important in my life because that's how God has designed me; it's how he designs us all. We need other people. Even if you aren't a "people person", you need other people around you. We need other people. And yes, sometimes it's hard being a part of the church because being around people is a lot of work, but the result is so worth it. We are not called to do life on our own; we are called to do life together. Tomorrow morning, I'm looking forward to sitting next to the people of the church, the body of Jesus, and worshipping our God together; an extension of what we've (hopefully) been doing all throughout the week. It's so beautiful, and it gives me such hope. David, the writer of the Psalms is talkingt to God, and he says, in chapter 92, verse 1:
"What a beautiful thing, God to give thanks, to sing an anthem to you, the High God!
To announce your love each daybreak."
What a celebration it will be! A new day. What an honor to sing songs to the High God. To announce his love; a God that is most worthy of all that we have to give. And not just tomorrow, but each day. I can't wait!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Grateful.
"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." -- Johannes A. Gaertner
I read an article today in the Los Angeles Times that said that Google's Hot Trends (the search engine stalker for Google) was showing "Thanksgiving Quotes", etc. as an off-the-charts subject today. I'm one of the millions that had to look for a quote that embodied "Thanksgiving"...I call it research. Johannes is what I found...the internet is something for which I am thankful.
Today is technically the day that we call Thanksgiving, being that it's a little after midnight. Our house smells so good; the residual smell from the preparation for tomorrow lingering in the air. My mom does the majority of the cooking in our house, and we all kind of chip in as she needs help. It's funny because she realized that she was out of Cinnamon, Cloves, and Nutmeg at separate times, luckily retrieved in one trip though. I thought it was funny - she's cute. She has deep, southern roots & such a beautiful heart. It's so much fun just to watch her, and to watch her cook. I can remember doing it ever since I was little. I'm thankful for her, and the way that she serves our family with humility and grace. My prayer is that the rest of us in the familia can do the same; the focus being namely me.
I remember one Thanksgiving we received a meal basket from our church because my family was struggling while my dad was in seminary. It was so much fun to unload all of the groceries that were brought over to us by several people from Faith Church in Grayslake, IL; my first church. Some of the things that we got were so foreign to me; we always got to choose what we would eat in the past, but that year we ate what we were given. It seems so long ago, but it really wasn't. The years that we had very little were the years that I found myself relying the most on God. I can vividly remember watching him at work in my life & in the lives of my family members amidst the struggle and pain. I had only been a Christian for two or three years when my lifestyle was drastically changed before my eyes, and I found myself pondering this God who called me to look to him to provide - down to each morsel of food. I mean, I had never even seen generic food in our house before. To think - he could see me, and see my needs. It was weird. But there was this calm. God began to teach me humility in those years, and I'm so thankful.
To look in our kitchen tonight, and to, first of all, be alive to smell and see and appreciate is something I'm grateful for in and of itself. I like to think about thinking, and I'm thankful to be alive to think. I will never forget what has happened to me in the last few weeks, and I cannot stop thanking God that I landed on the ground the way I did: not on my back or my head, but right on my feet. I'm alive. To be able to sit around a couple of kitchen stools for a make-shift table playing a game of Clue with all three of my sisters, and to laugh at our dorky dogs, and to soak in the smells in our house...it's pretty indescribable. I mean, I'm thankful that we can afford lighting so we can see each other at 4pm. Seriously.
God, help me to remember to pray for those who can't right now.
This morning I was kind of frustrated with myself because I was really getting caught up in the romanticism of Thanksgiving. I easily forgot to stop and pray for those who don't have food for tomorrow, or ovens to cook it in, or houses to live in, or families to surround them and support them.
Father, forgive me.
I envision food and laughter and beautiful flowers and fall decorations and napping in the afternoon. These things are good things, blessings to me, but I think that the day of giving Thanks is so much more than those things; giving thanks doesn't just happen on a day. Or in a week. Or in a month. Like Johannes says, it's a lifestyle. Even then, I don't think he says enough in that quote...he makes it seem like we are to touch Heaven in our own strength. But, Paul (& Timothy?), the author of a book called Colossians says that it's more than that. Chapter 3, verse 12-17 says:
"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, [this being people who are following Jesus] clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
I love that imagery: clothing yourself with things like compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. What colors do you think those things would be? I love that love is above all of these virtues. Why do you think that is? I love that Paul sticks in one of my favorite verses, right in the middle of his admonishment to the church in Colossae:
"And be thankful."
It's so simple, right? I had to put this whole chunk of verses in because it's like a cookie - I couldn't just pull out the chocolate chips, man. But the simplicity of that verse is so sweet. "And be thankful." Who'da thunk?
The second paragraph appeals to me because I love love love singing to God with gratitude. I really don't like singing by myself, or singing in performances, but put me right at Jesus' feet and I can't stop. I just have so much to be thankful for!!! I can't WAIT until I get to wheel into church (hopefully this week) and "stand" alongside other people and just sing. And listen.
One of the things that I've gotten in a habit of doing in the last few years, (and especially this last year) is to write down a list of all of the things I can think of that I'm thankful for. And, there's stuff that's not even on my list because I don't even realize all of the things I should be thankful for. It's crazy ridiculous! It's amazing what sitting down for half an hour will bring to your mind though - it's a discipline that I try to maintain even when I'm frustrated or feeling sad as well. Sometimes my lists are specific, like when I'm with friends drinking soy hot chocolate at The Steaming Cup in Waukesha, WI, and the leaves are falling like confetti from the Gleditsia Triacanthos trees, and I'm sitting in the sun, soaking up it's rays. Sometimes they are more broad and encompassing, like the one below. Just depends on how the Lord leads. Writing it down though, making it tangible - it is an eye-opening and very humbling thing.
So, in an effort to continue to verbalize the many, many, many ways that God has proven himself faithful to me, I want to share my list. It's not to brag, and it's not to boast. It's not to compare lists with other lists. It's to declare God's wonder & bring him glory. Here are just a few, in order of importance.
I'm thankful that:
1) There is (I said was, but it's "is") this guy named Jesus who is showing me what love is every day. He loves me. Passionately. Fervently. Faithfully. And not just me, but us. You and I. The 6,790,062,216 people who inhabit the earth.
2) That He found me & I found him, and that the timing of my life has been under his orchestration. I'm alive.
3) That I live in a country where I'm free to talk about this man, and blog about him, and smile when I think about him. There is no fear of what might happen to me when I study Scripture or pray or do something like walk out of church.
4) That my family members closest to me have committed their lives to him as well, and want to be more like him each day.
5) That said family that is working to try to be like Jesus when we interact, and that when we fail, we have forgiven one another. It's been & will be a long process, but we are members of one body.
6) For friends that encourage me and build me up in who God is shaping me to be. They pray for me, and speak truth into my life. They wait around in hospital rooms with me. Friends that celebrate who I am becoming, and have loved me even when I wasn't becoming. Or really loud.
7) That I have clean drinking water. That comes out of a faucet. That comes to me in a cup. Sometimes with this stuff called "ice", and that (for now) there is no threat to our water supply, no war being waged over who gets what water. Yet.
8) That we have food in abundance, food I'm not allergic to, food that keeps us healthy, time to share it with one another, and the capacity to cook it and enjoy it.
9) That I am even able to communicate these things: via words & writing & reading, via English, via a computer. And that I have the ability to choose what languages to learn next.
10) That God continues to reveal to me what I need to be thankful for, and works in my heart when I don't understand or I forget exactly what I have. Right in front of me.
When I look over this list, I wonder if, 1) I should share it, 2) If I sound like I'm preaching, 3) If I sound boastful, and 4) How God could choose to bless me, of all people, with these things. I mean, these things are huge. They are so, so huge. Numbers 1, 2, 4, & 10 in that list are pretty permanent, but if all the others disappear, I still want to be living a lifestyle of gratitude. I was once someone whom you could have considered to be "lost." Like, without purpose or vision or gratitude or sustainable love/joy/peace/patience. Without an intimate connection to Jesus. There is this song... it's one I haven't heard in a while, but I thought of it when I looked at the title of our blog. The words go like this:
I'm forever grateful to you, I'm forever gratetful for the cross.
I'm forever gratetful to you, that you came to seek and save the lost.
Those two lines pretty much sum me up. And, I love it that I have the privilege of being forever grateful; the joy never has to end. I so look forward to the day where I get to stand and bask in the glory and warmth of God, and spend forever and ever with him. For that, I truly I am and will be eternally grateful.
I read an article today in the Los Angeles Times that said that Google's Hot Trends (the search engine stalker for Google) was showing "Thanksgiving Quotes", etc. as an off-the-charts subject today. I'm one of the millions that had to look for a quote that embodied "Thanksgiving"...I call it research. Johannes is what I found...the internet is something for which I am thankful.
Today is technically the day that we call Thanksgiving, being that it's a little after midnight. Our house smells so good; the residual smell from the preparation for tomorrow lingering in the air. My mom does the majority of the cooking in our house, and we all kind of chip in as she needs help. It's funny because she realized that she was out of Cinnamon, Cloves, and Nutmeg at separate times, luckily retrieved in one trip though. I thought it was funny - she's cute. She has deep, southern roots & such a beautiful heart. It's so much fun just to watch her, and to watch her cook. I can remember doing it ever since I was little. I'm thankful for her, and the way that she serves our family with humility and grace. My prayer is that the rest of us in the familia can do the same; the focus being namely me.
I remember one Thanksgiving we received a meal basket from our church because my family was struggling while my dad was in seminary. It was so much fun to unload all of the groceries that were brought over to us by several people from Faith Church in Grayslake, IL; my first church. Some of the things that we got were so foreign to me; we always got to choose what we would eat in the past, but that year we ate what we were given. It seems so long ago, but it really wasn't. The years that we had very little were the years that I found myself relying the most on God. I can vividly remember watching him at work in my life & in the lives of my family members amidst the struggle and pain. I had only been a Christian for two or three years when my lifestyle was drastically changed before my eyes, and I found myself pondering this God who called me to look to him to provide - down to each morsel of food. I mean, I had never even seen generic food in our house before. To think - he could see me, and see my needs. It was weird. But there was this calm. God began to teach me humility in those years, and I'm so thankful.
To look in our kitchen tonight, and to, first of all, be alive to smell and see and appreciate is something I'm grateful for in and of itself. I like to think about thinking, and I'm thankful to be alive to think. I will never forget what has happened to me in the last few weeks, and I cannot stop thanking God that I landed on the ground the way I did: not on my back or my head, but right on my feet. I'm alive. To be able to sit around a couple of kitchen stools for a make-shift table playing a game of Clue with all three of my sisters, and to laugh at our dorky dogs, and to soak in the smells in our house...it's pretty indescribable. I mean, I'm thankful that we can afford lighting so we can see each other at 4pm. Seriously.
God, help me to remember to pray for those who can't right now.
This morning I was kind of frustrated with myself because I was really getting caught up in the romanticism of Thanksgiving. I easily forgot to stop and pray for those who don't have food for tomorrow, or ovens to cook it in, or houses to live in, or families to surround them and support them.
Father, forgive me.
I envision food and laughter and beautiful flowers and fall decorations and napping in the afternoon. These things are good things, blessings to me, but I think that the day of giving Thanks is so much more than those things; giving thanks doesn't just happen on a day. Or in a week. Or in a month. Like Johannes says, it's a lifestyle. Even then, I don't think he says enough in that quote...he makes it seem like we are to touch Heaven in our own strength. But, Paul (& Timothy?), the author of a book called Colossians says that it's more than that. Chapter 3, verse 12-17 says:
"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, [this being people who are following Jesus] clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
I love that imagery: clothing yourself with things like compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. What colors do you think those things would be? I love that love is above all of these virtues. Why do you think that is? I love that Paul sticks in one of my favorite verses, right in the middle of his admonishment to the church in Colossae:
"And be thankful."
It's so simple, right? I had to put this whole chunk of verses in because it's like a cookie - I couldn't just pull out the chocolate chips, man. But the simplicity of that verse is so sweet. "And be thankful." Who'da thunk?
The second paragraph appeals to me because I love love love singing to God with gratitude. I really don't like singing by myself, or singing in performances, but put me right at Jesus' feet and I can't stop. I just have so much to be thankful for!!! I can't WAIT until I get to wheel into church (hopefully this week) and "stand" alongside other people and just sing. And listen.
One of the things that I've gotten in a habit of doing in the last few years, (and especially this last year) is to write down a list of all of the things I can think of that I'm thankful for. And, there's stuff that's not even on my list because I don't even realize all of the things I should be thankful for. It's crazy ridiculous! It's amazing what sitting down for half an hour will bring to your mind though - it's a discipline that I try to maintain even when I'm frustrated or feeling sad as well. Sometimes my lists are specific, like when I'm with friends drinking soy hot chocolate at The Steaming Cup in Waukesha, WI, and the leaves are falling like confetti from the Gleditsia Triacanthos trees, and I'm sitting in the sun, soaking up it's rays. Sometimes they are more broad and encompassing, like the one below. Just depends on how the Lord leads. Writing it down though, making it tangible - it is an eye-opening and very humbling thing.
So, in an effort to continue to verbalize the many, many, many ways that God has proven himself faithful to me, I want to share my list. It's not to brag, and it's not to boast. It's not to compare lists with other lists. It's to declare God's wonder & bring him glory. Here are just a few, in order of importance.
I'm thankful that:
1) There is (I said was, but it's "is") this guy named Jesus who is showing me what love is every day. He loves me. Passionately. Fervently. Faithfully. And not just me, but us. You and I. The 6,790,062,216 people who inhabit the earth.
2) That He found me & I found him, and that the timing of my life has been under his orchestration. I'm alive.
3) That I live in a country where I'm free to talk about this man, and blog about him, and smile when I think about him. There is no fear of what might happen to me when I study Scripture or pray or do something like walk out of church.
4) That my family members closest to me have committed their lives to him as well, and want to be more like him each day.
5) That said family that is working to try to be like Jesus when we interact, and that when we fail, we have forgiven one another. It's been & will be a long process, but we are members of one body.
6) For friends that encourage me and build me up in who God is shaping me to be. They pray for me, and speak truth into my life. They wait around in hospital rooms with me. Friends that celebrate who I am becoming, and have loved me even when I wasn't becoming. Or really loud.
7) That I have clean drinking water. That comes out of a faucet. That comes to me in a cup. Sometimes with this stuff called "ice", and that (for now) there is no threat to our water supply, no war being waged over who gets what water. Yet.
8) That we have food in abundance, food I'm not allergic to, food that keeps us healthy, time to share it with one another, and the capacity to cook it and enjoy it.
9) That I am even able to communicate these things: via words & writing & reading, via English, via a computer. And that I have the ability to choose what languages to learn next.
10) That God continues to reveal to me what I need to be thankful for, and works in my heart when I don't understand or I forget exactly what I have. Right in front of me.
When I look over this list, I wonder if, 1) I should share it, 2) If I sound like I'm preaching, 3) If I sound boastful, and 4) How God could choose to bless me, of all people, with these things. I mean, these things are huge. They are so, so huge. Numbers 1, 2, 4, & 10 in that list are pretty permanent, but if all the others disappear, I still want to be living a lifestyle of gratitude. I was once someone whom you could have considered to be "lost." Like, without purpose or vision or gratitude or sustainable love/joy/peace/patience. Without an intimate connection to Jesus. There is this song... it's one I haven't heard in a while, but I thought of it when I looked at the title of our blog. The words go like this:
I'm forever grateful to you, I'm forever gratetful for the cross.
I'm forever gratetful to you, that you came to seek and save the lost.
Those two lines pretty much sum me up. And, I love it that I have the privilege of being forever grateful; the joy never has to end. I so look forward to the day where I get to stand and bask in the glory and warmth of God, and spend forever and ever with him. For that, I truly I am and will be eternally grateful.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sleep.
I just have one word for this evening: Percoset.
My right foot has been feeling a little off in the last couple of days, and tonight, it felt like it was on fire. Like dragon-breathed fire. After much whining and writhing I decided (with some intrvention from the ones who love me) that it was officially time to take drugs that aren't prescribed every day. I've realy worked hard at trying not to rely on the "as-needed" pain relievers because I'm petrified of becoming addicted to them. So I took my first as-needed pill tonight; they work. Really well. A little too well one might say.
Normally, I write in my blog every night because God is moving in my life throughout the day in various small, and yet oh-so-big ways, and I just have to write about it. And today he did. Oh, he SO did. I had quiet the adventure, and I can't wait to spill it all. And, normally, I only take Friday nights off of writing to spend time with friends and family, but tonight I'm making an exception - I can't write. Because, normally, I'm not incapacitated by narcotics. I'm too loopy right now. Everytime I look at something, a new song pops in my head & I can't hlep but sing it out. My family wants me to go to sleep because it's 11pm.
Story time!! Really fast. It's reminding me of the time I was in the hospital. The pian killers were making me really, really itchy. I woke up at 2 in the mornig with a very itchy backside, and I asked my mom to put lotion on me. She was sleeping at the time, and I'm pretty sure she thought I wasn't serious. She laughed. So then I asked the nurs, and she was like, "Sure!" (may the Lord bless you, nurse) As she was leaving, I stareted serenading her with, "Did I eveer tell you you're my herooooooooooooo?" I don't know any other words to that song, so I just kept singing that part and "You are the wind beneath my wingssssss"
That's kind of what's happening now. So, forgive any grammar or spelling whoopsies & pray that I don't start giggling in the near future. I love it and I hate it at the same time. Talk about surrender of control. *sigh*
Jesus, thank you that you take good care of me. Thanks that you never sleep, and that you watch over your people with care. Thanks for my doctors and nurses who served me with patience and gentle hands while I was in the Froedert. Thanks that you think my songs are good even when they're abou t my heros and my ice packs, and thanks that you watch over your chicks. (wait, is chicks the word to use for baby boy and girl chickens?) And chickos. I sure do love you.
Goodnight Jesus.
My right foot has been feeling a little off in the last couple of days, and tonight, it felt like it was on fire. Like dragon-breathed fire. After much whining and writhing I decided (with some intrvention from the ones who love me) that it was officially time to take drugs that aren't prescribed every day. I've realy worked hard at trying not to rely on the "as-needed" pain relievers because I'm petrified of becoming addicted to them. So I took my first as-needed pill tonight; they work. Really well. A little too well one might say.
Normally, I write in my blog every night because God is moving in my life throughout the day in various small, and yet oh-so-big ways, and I just have to write about it. And today he did. Oh, he SO did. I had quiet the adventure, and I can't wait to spill it all. And, normally, I only take Friday nights off of writing to spend time with friends and family, but tonight I'm making an exception - I can't write. Because, normally, I'm not incapacitated by narcotics. I'm too loopy right now. Everytime I look at something, a new song pops in my head & I can't hlep but sing it out. My family wants me to go to sleep because it's 11pm.
Story time!! Really fast. It's reminding me of the time I was in the hospital. The pian killers were making me really, really itchy. I woke up at 2 in the mornig with a very itchy backside, and I asked my mom to put lotion on me. She was sleeping at the time, and I'm pretty sure she thought I wasn't serious. She laughed. So then I asked the nurs, and she was like, "Sure!" (may the Lord bless you, nurse) As she was leaving, I stareted serenading her with, "Did I eveer tell you you're my herooooooooooooo?" I don't know any other words to that song, so I just kept singing that part and "You are the wind beneath my wingssssss"
That's kind of what's happening now. So, forgive any grammar or spelling whoopsies & pray that I don't start giggling in the near future. I love it and I hate it at the same time. Talk about surrender of control. *sigh*
Jesus, thank you that you take good care of me. Thanks that you never sleep, and that you watch over your people with care. Thanks for my doctors and nurses who served me with patience and gentle hands while I was in the Froedert. Thanks that you think my songs are good even when they're abou t my heros and my ice packs, and thanks that you watch over your chicks. (wait, is chicks the word to use for baby boy and girl chickens?) And chickos. I sure do love you.
Goodnight Jesus.
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