Henri Nouwen said, "Self-doubt is such a rampant disease (in many schools, but also other places) that affirmation is more important than ever. It can simply mean the expression of excitement and surprise or a word of thanks. It can mean recommendations of good books or refgerral to people with special talents. It often means just bringing the right persons together or setting apart time and place where more thinking can be done. But it always includes the inner conviction that a precious gift merits attention and continuing care.
There are just as many ways to be a Christian as there are Christians, and it seems the more important the impostion of any doctrine or precoded idea is to offer (the students) the place where they can reveal their great human potentials to love, to give, and to create, and where they can find the affirmation that gives them the courage to continue their search without fear.
Only when we have come in touch with our own life experiences and have learned to listen to our inner cravings for liberation and new life can we realize that Jesus did not just speak, but that he reached out to us in our most personal needs. The Gospel doesn't just contain ideas worth remembering. It is a message resopnding to our individual human condition. The Church is not an institution forcing us to follow its rules. It is a community of people inviting us to still our hunger and thirst at its tables. Doctrines are not alien formulations which we must adhere to but the documentation of the most profound human experiences which, transcending time and place, are handed over from generation to generation as a light in our darkness."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nS_aR8XX_U&NR=1&feature=fvwp
Self-doubt is a crippling disease. When I can across this random YouTube video tonight, I wondered what was going through that surfer's mind. I was blown away. I am baffled by human potential; that wave was huge.
We have seasons in our lives where the waves just seem so big. I have found myself hesitating and hesitating to just dive into them, but I am slowly gaining courage. Slowly. Because to love, to give, and to create, and to find the courage to continue our search without fear is something that, I think, honors God. Surfing large waves is what we were made to do. And, you know, I'm so thankful for the people in my life who are willing to "ride out on a jet ski" to see me off into the waves, and to wait with me while I figure out which one I'm going to take.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Parking.
Two words: parking space.
Oh my goodness, I had an epiphany today in the parking lot of the pool I do aquatic therapy in. I realized that parking spaces are a terrific way for me to put others before myself. It sounds ridiculous, but next time you see that sweet, juicy, right next to the door spot, drive right on by, and park 100 yards away from the door.
It's hard to do. I really had to adjust my attitude as a white SUV zoomed into the spot that I was about to pull in to. Especially when you have two dweeby crutches, and don't want to have to mess with the shenanigans of having to crutchstepcrutchstep to the back row of the parking lot. I mean, I'm pretty sure it was a red Skittle that almost took me out. The place was packed.
But you know what? It was a teachable moment for me. It truly was a sacrifice, as stupid as that sounds. Why is it so difficult for me to think of others before I think of my own benefit? It's unnatural in our broken world. That's why. Because, man, there are so many ways that we can demonstrate love to others using something as simple as a parking space. Holding the door for someone. Bringing a meal to someone's house. Not having to have the last word in the argument. Driving considerately. Smiling. Being the first to say "hello", and stopping to listen when you ask, "how are you doing?" I could go on and on with seemingly menial things in our everyday lives. But those tiny things make all the difference in the world.
Thank you, Lord, for lost parking spots.
"Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. For even Christ did not please himself... For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." -Romans 15:2-6
Oh my goodness, I had an epiphany today in the parking lot of the pool I do aquatic therapy in. I realized that parking spaces are a terrific way for me to put others before myself. It sounds ridiculous, but next time you see that sweet, juicy, right next to the door spot, drive right on by, and park 100 yards away from the door.
It's hard to do. I really had to adjust my attitude as a white SUV zoomed into the spot that I was about to pull in to. Especially when you have two dweeby crutches, and don't want to have to mess with the shenanigans of having to crutchstepcrutchstep to the back row of the parking lot. I mean, I'm pretty sure it was a red Skittle that almost took me out. The place was packed.
But you know what? It was a teachable moment for me. It truly was a sacrifice, as stupid as that sounds. Why is it so difficult for me to think of others before I think of my own benefit? It's unnatural in our broken world. That's why. Because, man, there are so many ways that we can demonstrate love to others using something as simple as a parking space. Holding the door for someone. Bringing a meal to someone's house. Not having to have the last word in the argument. Driving considerately. Smiling. Being the first to say "hello", and stopping to listen when you ask, "how are you doing?" I could go on and on with seemingly menial things in our everyday lives. But those tiny things make all the difference in the world.
Thank you, Lord, for lost parking spots.
"Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. For even Christ did not please himself... For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." -Romans 15:2-6
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Follow.
"Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am.
Don't run from suffering; embrace it.
Follow me and I'll show you how.
Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God." -Luke 9:23-27
Oh man. This verse is the bomb. I read it tonight, and I'm totally speechless once again. God has some pretty amazing things to say to us, and when we listen to his voice amidst all of the other noises surrounding us, it is a beautiful thing.
I caught my embarrassed self red-handed today as I was talking to a cashier at Caribou. Lately (because I'm only using one crutch & have only one boot) people have been saying, "Oh my, what happened to your foot?" It's then that I have to tell my snarky self to shut its pie hole. (I can't even tell you how many times I seriously want to say, "An elephant stepped on it while I was running around in the exhibit dressed up as Tarzan at the zoo." or "I ran over it while I was driving my car.") Or, people will ask me how my day is going, and when I say, "It's going good, how's yours?" The reply? "Better than yours." It breaks my heart that people just assume that because I hobble, I'm not happy or hopeful. Well. Jesus is pretty cool like that. He creates new equations: Hobbling = happy and hopeful.
Anyway, I became really embarrassed when the cashier was drawing her co-workers' attention towards me, and I really just wanted to walk away. Somehow, I couldn't even find the words, "Jesus" or "thankful" or "thank-you". I don't know why I got so flustered. But it is the way I am being led right now, and I need to buck up. I tell you, it's not pie in the sky. Thankfully, I can continue to follow my Teacher, and embrace it.
And I can't even begin to say how those last few sentences sum up a whole lot more than the last few months. I have read a heck of a lot of self-help books, and tried to figure out "who I am", when really, it just comes down to following Jesus. Heh heh...one hobble at a time.
Don't run from suffering; embrace it.
Follow me and I'll show you how.
Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? If any of you is embarrassed with me and the way I'm leading you, know that the Son of Man will be far more embarrassed with you when he arrives in all his splendor in company with the Father and the holy angels. This isn't, you realize, pie in the sky by and by. Some who have taken their stand right here are going to see it happen, see with their own eyes the kingdom of God." -Luke 9:23-27
Oh man. This verse is the bomb. I read it tonight, and I'm totally speechless once again. God has some pretty amazing things to say to us, and when we listen to his voice amidst all of the other noises surrounding us, it is a beautiful thing.
I caught my embarrassed self red-handed today as I was talking to a cashier at Caribou. Lately (because I'm only using one crutch & have only one boot) people have been saying, "Oh my, what happened to your foot?" It's then that I have to tell my snarky self to shut its pie hole. (I can't even tell you how many times I seriously want to say, "An elephant stepped on it while I was running around in the exhibit dressed up as Tarzan at the zoo." or "I ran over it while I was driving my car.") Or, people will ask me how my day is going, and when I say, "It's going good, how's yours?" The reply? "Better than yours." It breaks my heart that people just assume that because I hobble, I'm not happy or hopeful. Well. Jesus is pretty cool like that. He creates new equations: Hobbling = happy and hopeful.
Anyway, I became really embarrassed when the cashier was drawing her co-workers' attention towards me, and I really just wanted to walk away. Somehow, I couldn't even find the words, "Jesus" or "thankful" or "thank-you". I don't know why I got so flustered. But it is the way I am being led right now, and I need to buck up. I tell you, it's not pie in the sky. Thankfully, I can continue to follow my Teacher, and embrace it.
And I can't even begin to say how those last few sentences sum up a whole lot more than the last few months. I have read a heck of a lot of self-help books, and tried to figure out "who I am", when really, it just comes down to following Jesus. Heh heh...one hobble at a time.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Full.
Mmmmm...I love clean sheets. There is definitely a reason that I'm still living at home though. I still need my mom's help putting them on the bed. I need help with quite a few things still, and I'm so thankful that my family is still supporting me, 100%. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be where I am in the healing process if it wasn't for each member. I know that the next few weeks of living here are going to fly by crazy-fast.
That said, I did get quite the taste of freedom this past weekend; I spent three days away from home! It felt pretty surreal. Everyone kept saying, "Oh man, I bet it feels so good to be out of the house." Well, yeah, but I missed being home at the same time. I got to see so many people that I haven't seen in quite a while, and it all culminated with a church service in Grayslake, IL (where I became a Christ-follower.) It was pretty cool - my heart felt so full.
I kept thinking of that word all weekend, "full". I have been so richly, richly blessed in the past four and half months (can you believe it's been that long?!) Psalm 23 has been resurfacing in my heart over and over again. Last week I talked about the first chunk of verses, but I can't stop thinking about the second chunk now (v 5&6):
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
I keep getting this picture of me standing in the middle of a grassy, wind-blown field with the sun streaming down so brightly. Jesus is there standing in front of me, and with one hand he cups my face. With the other, he pours sweet-smelling oil over my hair. It's never ending. It trickles down over my eye lids & down my bumpy nose, and into my smile.
My heart feels this way.
My cup is overflowing and overflowing, and I can't help but tell the people that talk to me in the health food store, and in restaurants, and in the hot tub at the gym, and in my church, and at my sister's tennis lessons that Jesus is so good to me. I look back at the last months, and that's what I see: his goodness and love trailing behind me all the way. All the days.
From the time that I realized I needed Jesus more than anything else to now, I have learned & continue to learn what it means to dwell. I can't wait to touch my fingers to the walls of his house, and to smell the inside. I can't wait to feel the floor beneath my feet and to sit on God's sofa drinking who knows what. Root beer.
Oh man. My heart skips a beat at the thought of it. Following Jesus is worth it. Every step of the way.
That said, I did get quite the taste of freedom this past weekend; I spent three days away from home! It felt pretty surreal. Everyone kept saying, "Oh man, I bet it feels so good to be out of the house." Well, yeah, but I missed being home at the same time. I got to see so many people that I haven't seen in quite a while, and it all culminated with a church service in Grayslake, IL (where I became a Christ-follower.) It was pretty cool - my heart felt so full.
I kept thinking of that word all weekend, "full". I have been so richly, richly blessed in the past four and half months (can you believe it's been that long?!) Psalm 23 has been resurfacing in my heart over and over again. Last week I talked about the first chunk of verses, but I can't stop thinking about the second chunk now (v 5&6):
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
I keep getting this picture of me standing in the middle of a grassy, wind-blown field with the sun streaming down so brightly. Jesus is there standing in front of me, and with one hand he cups my face. With the other, he pours sweet-smelling oil over my hair. It's never ending. It trickles down over my eye lids & down my bumpy nose, and into my smile.
My heart feels this way.
My cup is overflowing and overflowing, and I can't help but tell the people that talk to me in the health food store, and in restaurants, and in the hot tub at the gym, and in my church, and at my sister's tennis lessons that Jesus is so good to me. I look back at the last months, and that's what I see: his goodness and love trailing behind me all the way. All the days.
From the time that I realized I needed Jesus more than anything else to now, I have learned & continue to learn what it means to dwell. I can't wait to touch my fingers to the walls of his house, and to smell the inside. I can't wait to feel the floor beneath my feet and to sit on God's sofa drinking who knows what. Root beer.
Oh man. My heart skips a beat at the thought of it. Following Jesus is worth it. Every step of the way.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Muscles.
I'm so pooped. I had a crazy-fun, full weekend. All I gotta say tonight is that, when it comes to my legs, "Oooooo, it's growing now. It's really growing now!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5DwIcnpBCA&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5DwIcnpBCA&feature=related
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Firsts.
Firsts continue to pile into my life. Well, second firsts anyway.
1) I went shopping...by myself.
2) I climbed the stairs of my house.
3) I got into the pool using the steps.
Three seemingly small things, but I continue to be blown away by the fact that I am even able to stand up when I get out of my chair. I really am trying so hard to "remember" where I have been, and where God has brought me from. It's so exciting to me!
"The king [David?] rejoices in your strength, LORD. How great is his joy in the victories you give!" -Psalm 21:1
1) I went shopping...by myself.
2) I climbed the stairs of my house.
3) I got into the pool using the steps.
Three seemingly small things, but I continue to be blown away by the fact that I am even able to stand up when I get out of my chair. I really am trying so hard to "remember" where I have been, and where God has brought me from. It's so exciting to me!
"The king [David?] rejoices in your strength, LORD. How great is his joy in the victories you give!" -Psalm 21:1
Foggy.
You know, this is such a weird time for me. Can I just say? I just have to say it out loud once, and I won't say it again. And I'm not complaining, I'm just stating the obvious. My awareness of this weirdness was heightened tonight when I fell asleep at 5:30p, and woke up...well...two hours ago. Whoops. I don't like it when I fall asleep so late in the day, but I couldn't fight off the urge to snooze, and I have been thinking and thinking and thinking for the last two hours. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to fall back asleep for a while.
My whole world is in a bit of a fog right now, and a very weird transition time. I find myself excited about so many things, but so nervous at the same time. I can feel it outside too - this morning it was so sunny & beautiful, but super-cold. Then it started to rain. The grass is a poopy yellow color, but there are a few blades of green peeking out. A Mourning Dove sat on my roof this morning cooing its brains out, but there was no response.
It's so close to Spring, but Spring feels so far away. We're right on the cusp, and it's driving me bonkers. It's like itty bitty baby steps to get there. I don't want to rush those steps, and I'm trying to still take it one day at a time, but it's challenging.
I came across this verse tonight, and I started laughing:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (Timothy 1:7)
Normally, this verse is used in the context of not being afraid - afraid of the future, afraid of struggle, afraid of myself or others. What made me giggle tonight was those last two words: "sound mind".
Man, some days I feel like I don't even have a brain. Those days usually correlate with how much milk & wheat I eat the day before, but I just wonder all the time, "What the heck, Catie? Where is your head?" In outer space. I think it's interesting that, even though I'm in a fog sometimes, God continues to increase my faith in him, and he is teaching me what it means to trust him, love him, and love others. "Sound mind" doesn't mean "perfect thinking", which we should strive for, or "robot brain" which we have to work against, but I think it means "clarity".
Instead of dwelling on all of the unknowns in my life, I find this verse causing me to press into the fold of my Father, and take comfort in the fact that my brain doesn't belong to me, it belongs to him.
What a relief.
My whole world is in a bit of a fog right now, and a very weird transition time. I find myself excited about so many things, but so nervous at the same time. I can feel it outside too - this morning it was so sunny & beautiful, but super-cold. Then it started to rain. The grass is a poopy yellow color, but there are a few blades of green peeking out. A Mourning Dove sat on my roof this morning cooing its brains out, but there was no response.
It's so close to Spring, but Spring feels so far away. We're right on the cusp, and it's driving me bonkers. It's like itty bitty baby steps to get there. I don't want to rush those steps, and I'm trying to still take it one day at a time, but it's challenging.
I came across this verse tonight, and I started laughing:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (Timothy 1:7)
Normally, this verse is used in the context of not being afraid - afraid of the future, afraid of struggle, afraid of myself or others. What made me giggle tonight was those last two words: "sound mind".
Man, some days I feel like I don't even have a brain. Those days usually correlate with how much milk & wheat I eat the day before, but I just wonder all the time, "What the heck, Catie? Where is your head?" In outer space. I think it's interesting that, even though I'm in a fog sometimes, God continues to increase my faith in him, and he is teaching me what it means to trust him, love him, and love others. "Sound mind" doesn't mean "perfect thinking", which we should strive for, or "robot brain" which we have to work against, but I think it means "clarity".
Instead of dwelling on all of the unknowns in my life, I find this verse causing me to press into the fold of my Father, and take comfort in the fact that my brain doesn't belong to me, it belongs to him.
What a relief.
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