The sun shone so brightly today, even if it did set too soon. I figured out that I can turn my blinds so that the light actually hits me in the face. It's a beautiful thing. I feel a strange connection with the sun, and I need it to live. I could never live in the northern east coast - I would cry everyday. On cloudy days I would cry because I missed the sun, and on sunny days I would weep with joy. Here, there is a lot of snow on the ground still, and we're expecting more this weekend. A lot more actually. I have this incredible longing to go outside and hear the crunch of it under my feet, and take long, brisk walks in the cold. Like, I can't even describe it to you. I love that sound! I was so excited on the day that it snowed recently, but I found later myself feeling a little sad because I can't crunch it or look back at my footprints. It's such a weird feeling.
I think I'm just reaching the point in my journey, as someone with two out-of-order appendages, where I feel more myself, but I can't quite act that way. I keep having dreams where I saw off my casts and start walking around. I always wake up in a sweat because I'm freaking out inside while I watch myself walk. Or I'll walk on my casts, and laugh in my dreams. Bizarre, but true. And not said for pity, but the longing to walk is so deep - it permeates a lot of different desires.
This feeling of longing is something I have definitely felt before. A longing to find the right job, a longing to be with people I miss, a longing to fall in love. I especially feel a longing to be with Jesus. When I think about heaven, & I envision what it's going to be like to stand, finally, before Jesus, this pit forms in my stomach. Every time. I feel so excited when I think about it, and I start to think like a three year old. You know what I mean, right? Like, you just want to run into the arms of the people you think are just so awesome, and have them hold you, and kiss you all over, and then put you down and chase you around. I'm sighing. I can't wait to stand before him, fall at his feet, and worship him. To see what he looks like, and have him hold me, and tell me, "Welcome home."
There is this song by a woman named Audrey Assad, called "For Love of You". The gist of it is that loving Jesus makes her come alive; it's his voice that has her singing out; she's watched him carve streets of gold from sand and gravel. My favorite part of the song is the bridge:
"You are my deepest longing, and so I see you everywhere; it's you I'm chasing after. Cause I am captivated by who you are, and how you move, I'll follow you forever."
I just love it. My bones jump for joy inside my body because it excites me more than anything else has, can, or will in my life. Chasing after Jesus is fun, exciting, and full of joy. I also find myself out of breath, and frustrated sometimes because I can't catch him. I am captivated by the way he lived his life: selflessly, humbly, full of compassion & mercy. He knew who he was, and who God had created him to be. He was passionate about God's word, and the things his Father had instructed him to do. He loved learning, but knew how to ask questions. He loved kids, and the sick & poor & forgotten. He was patient and kind to people even when he had said something twenty times. Literally. Gentle and just. Pure, yet willing to step beyond the bounds society had drawn for him. Patient, yet full of his father's zeal for how life should be lived.
I mean, those aren't just "good things" - those are things that Jesus embodied as a man who really lived. He really did the things the disciples said he did! Those are the things that captivate my attention, that make him so attractive to me. I want those things. Now. Today. Right this second. But, it takes time to become like Jesus. Our lives change the second we choose to chase after him, but we have to stop sometimes, and fight off the things that get our feet tangled up, or dump the rocks from our shoes. Or you break your legs, and you can't run. But seriously, our lives soon fill up with things that distract us or discourage us because we live in a fallen world.
This is where my deep longing for heaven comes in. The best part is gonna be that when I get to heaven, and I'm chasing Jesus through beautiful things that my mind can't even imagine, I'll never be out of breath. I'm gonna tackle him to the ground and give him a huge hug. As cheesy as it sounds, that's what's gonna go down.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Evolution.
My love of birds is surfacing again. I got to watch this AMAZING hummingbird special on PBS the other night, and I can't stop thinking about it. There were hummingbirds with long, light tails, and hummingbirds with crazy crowns that changed colors. There are hummingbirds that, when they make a particularly large dive (equivalent to that of a dive bomber), their tails make clicking noises that attract a mate. They captivate me. They cause me to think about the bigger picture. They're tiny. (And! Wanna see cute babies? If you have time, go here: http://www.wolaver.org/animals/babyhummer.htm )
The reason that I really even bring them up is that their migratory patterns are evolving, especially within the last 50 years. They have evolved to become more dependent on people - the patterns correspond with major feeding areas in the U.S. Can you believe that? They can actually remember which houses have hummingbird feeders, and return each year to feed, teaching their babies to do the same. I don't know whether to think it's cool, or to be afraid for them. Humans aren't always that dependable, if you know what I mean.
I don't know why dependability is such a big issue for me. It's not like I was scarred as a kid because my parents were never there for me, and I couldn't count on them for anything. (It may have been the opposite - I forgot everything at home and had to be rescued a lot.) They have proved themselves trustworthy many times over. And, yeah, they've failed too, but my issues come from my own self, not them. It think it's that I'm insecure about how dependable I feel, and it just bleeds into how I relate to other people.
I'm always afraid of what others are thinking. I mean, I've done some really really stupid stuff, and it's amazing that anyone would trust me. What I've actually come to learn in the last weeks is not just how important it is for me to be able to rely and depend on other people, but that I need to continue to learn how to do the same for others. I can't believe how much I've learned this from communal living in the last year, and I can't even believe how much I've learned in the last five weeks...and how much God continues to teach me.
With that said (and not to negate any of it), I was able to do so much by myself to day, and I was so excited by it. It's not that I'm itching to break free of having to depend on others, it just feels good to accomplish several things in one day. I was in my wheelchair for the majority of the hours that I was awake today!!! A first. I was able to go to the bathroom completely on my own, and get back in my wheelchair. A first. With no one home. A first (I'm petrified of falling over while no one is home.) (I was so glad when my sisters got home.) It was a day for the books. Two weeks ago I thought I was going to fall out of my wheelchair when I got in it. Now I hop in it like a jumpin' bean. I'm officially getting stronger & feeling so much better. I'm more mobile, and I sure as heck am glad that my family is stickin' around for the long haul because I. Still. Need. Them.
My family has made such a difference in my life, and I'm thankful that they do come home & are willing to help me. Sometimes I wonder if they'll ever run away. They are a really good example of what it means to make a difference in the lives of other people; it starts with the little things. For me, it's lifting my legs as I shift onto the toilet or into my wheelchair, grabbing the cereal box because it's on the highest shelf. Or just sitting by me because I need company. Playing a game of Scrabble with me when I get tired of reading and Facebooking. When I was living in Milwaukee it was doing the dishes or vacuuming the house.
And, I feel so blessed to serve them despite mobility limitations - folding clothes on my lap, looking things up online, playing with the dogs, acting as delivery person when I wheel large amounts of stuff to another room, etc. Babysitting in the basement. Popping wheelies in my wheelchair as a source of entertainment. With my legs straight out in front of me. And doing 360's. You don't believe me? Well good. Because I don't do wheelies. Yet.
It's the little things. We depend on one another. You see, we are designed that way. Jesus talks about this in Matthew 25. Jesus is talking about how after he returns to the earth for the second time, all of the nations (all people) will stand before him. He separates the people into two separate groups - one is on his right & one is on his left.
He says, in verses 34-36, “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. [Which, is, like, ummm...heaven! Par-tay!] For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
What's funny to me is that the people in this group are like, "Huh? When did we give you food? When did I deliver you a blanket? You were in Chicago, Jesus? I delivered you that blanket in 14 degree weather? Wait. I visited you? You were in JAIL, Jesus? When!?" That's, truly, what I would have said. We are a literal people. Jesus, in his infinite patience simply says, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."
Man. It hits me every time. Because doing the dishes without anyone noticing is a heck of a lot harder than going on a missions trip for me. Stopping to have a meal with a homeless person, and actually sitting and talking with them in the middle of McDonald's is a heck of a lot harder & humbling & time-consuming than just dropping two bucks in their Coke cup and quickly walking away. Serving someone that I don't like is soooo much harder than delivering food to the food pantry. "You want to make a difference in someone's life? Stop trying to change the world, and serve the person that's sitting right next to you. Literally." That's what I have to say to myself every day. Every day. It's taken me a long time to learn this, and it's an evolution that has been on-going since I stepped into a relationship with Jesus. It won't stop until my eyes are closed forever.
We so depend on one another, and yet we struggle to meet the needs of the people around us. We're selfish. It's dirty. It's embarrassing. It's hard. It's time-consuming. It's not what I planned! It's frustrating. It's deeply humbling. You won't always be in the right. You will have to make intimate sacrifices. You'll see gross things. Other people will see your gross things. I don't know! You name it! Submitting ourselves (making ourselves less) to the "least of these" is sometimes difficult. But it's something to be praised - by the very lips of Jesus. My question is, Who are "the least of these" in my life? In your life? Who are the "least of these?"
Jesus goes on in this passage to talk to the group on his left. He tells them to depart from him. Maybe they hoarded their wealth - may not in money, but in time, talents, and things that they treasured. Or money. Maybe they served one another, but it wasn't in love. Maybe they served, but it was to gain good standing with God. Maybe they served one another, but only because it was convenient at the time. Maybe they served one another, but it was to impress the people around them.
This group is left asking the same question of Jesus, but in their heads, they must have been thinking about it differently. Something like, "I gave money to church, God, I donated more than once. Homeless people need to get a job, I worked hard for my money. You seriously expect me to hug someone that smells? God, I didn't have time for that, you know I didn't. I gave my clothes to Goodwill...when I was done with them, that counts for something. Didn't you see those things God? I deserve some credit here." I catch myself thinking this way. Often. My selfish nature is always trying to pull me back to where I once stood: alone. Self-reliant. Without Jesus.
In the Bible, they ask the same exact question of Jesus. The same one. But it's from a completely different perspective. Jesus replies, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." He tells them to go away. I can't imagine hearing that from Christ. To my knowledge, Jesus has only ever said that to the teachers of the law (because they were selfish, hard-hearted, and cared only about power), and the demons. Sadly, they have to leave him forever, and that breaks my heart. I can't imagine having to leave Jesus, and be separated from him forever.
The little things turn out to be big things. Our love towards others is not evaluated at work, how we act when others aren't looking isn't assessed, but how we think of people that we deem "beneath us" is what is important in Jesus' mind. And now we find out that He's keeping track of how we loved others. "Changing the world", "world peace", "making a difference"...none of these things come in a day or in ourselves. They are found in Jesus alone. And he doesn't ask for a grandiose performance, or for us to look for charity cases; he asks us to commit our lives to him. Learn from him. Serve the lease of these meekly, humbly, and lovingly. Slowly, we evolve into his likeness. It's a long, long, life-long process, but it's what is what Jesus has told us. Because it's what God wants. And we have help along the way.
The reason that I really even bring them up is that their migratory patterns are evolving, especially within the last 50 years. They have evolved to become more dependent on people - the patterns correspond with major feeding areas in the U.S. Can you believe that? They can actually remember which houses have hummingbird feeders, and return each year to feed, teaching their babies to do the same. I don't know whether to think it's cool, or to be afraid for them. Humans aren't always that dependable, if you know what I mean.
I don't know why dependability is such a big issue for me. It's not like I was scarred as a kid because my parents were never there for me, and I couldn't count on them for anything. (It may have been the opposite - I forgot everything at home and had to be rescued a lot.) They have proved themselves trustworthy many times over. And, yeah, they've failed too, but my issues come from my own self, not them. It think it's that I'm insecure about how dependable I feel, and it just bleeds into how I relate to other people.
I'm always afraid of what others are thinking. I mean, I've done some really really stupid stuff, and it's amazing that anyone would trust me. What I've actually come to learn in the last weeks is not just how important it is for me to be able to rely and depend on other people, but that I need to continue to learn how to do the same for others. I can't believe how much I've learned this from communal living in the last year, and I can't even believe how much I've learned in the last five weeks...and how much God continues to teach me.
With that said (and not to negate any of it), I was able to do so much by myself to day, and I was so excited by it. It's not that I'm itching to break free of having to depend on others, it just feels good to accomplish several things in one day. I was in my wheelchair for the majority of the hours that I was awake today!!! A first. I was able to go to the bathroom completely on my own, and get back in my wheelchair. A first. With no one home. A first (I'm petrified of falling over while no one is home.) (I was so glad when my sisters got home.) It was a day for the books. Two weeks ago I thought I was going to fall out of my wheelchair when I got in it. Now I hop in it like a jumpin' bean. I'm officially getting stronger & feeling so much better. I'm more mobile, and I sure as heck am glad that my family is stickin' around for the long haul because I. Still. Need. Them.
My family has made such a difference in my life, and I'm thankful that they do come home & are willing to help me. Sometimes I wonder if they'll ever run away. They are a really good example of what it means to make a difference in the lives of other people; it starts with the little things. For me, it's lifting my legs as I shift onto the toilet or into my wheelchair, grabbing the cereal box because it's on the highest shelf. Or just sitting by me because I need company. Playing a game of Scrabble with me when I get tired of reading and Facebooking. When I was living in Milwaukee it was doing the dishes or vacuuming the house.
And, I feel so blessed to serve them despite mobility limitations - folding clothes on my lap, looking things up online, playing with the dogs, acting as delivery person when I wheel large amounts of stuff to another room, etc. Babysitting in the basement. Popping wheelies in my wheelchair as a source of entertainment. With my legs straight out in front of me. And doing 360's. You don't believe me? Well good. Because I don't do wheelies. Yet.
It's the little things. We depend on one another. You see, we are designed that way. Jesus talks about this in Matthew 25. Jesus is talking about how after he returns to the earth for the second time, all of the nations (all people) will stand before him. He separates the people into two separate groups - one is on his right & one is on his left.
He says, in verses 34-36, “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. [Which, is, like, ummm...heaven! Par-tay!] For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
What's funny to me is that the people in this group are like, "Huh? When did we give you food? When did I deliver you a blanket? You were in Chicago, Jesus? I delivered you that blanket in 14 degree weather? Wait. I visited you? You were in JAIL, Jesus? When!?" That's, truly, what I would have said. We are a literal people. Jesus, in his infinite patience simply says, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."
Man. It hits me every time. Because doing the dishes without anyone noticing is a heck of a lot harder than going on a missions trip for me. Stopping to have a meal with a homeless person, and actually sitting and talking with them in the middle of McDonald's is a heck of a lot harder & humbling & time-consuming than just dropping two bucks in their Coke cup and quickly walking away. Serving someone that I don't like is soooo much harder than delivering food to the food pantry. "You want to make a difference in someone's life? Stop trying to change the world, and serve the person that's sitting right next to you. Literally." That's what I have to say to myself every day. Every day. It's taken me a long time to learn this, and it's an evolution that has been on-going since I stepped into a relationship with Jesus. It won't stop until my eyes are closed forever.
We so depend on one another, and yet we struggle to meet the needs of the people around us. We're selfish. It's dirty. It's embarrassing. It's hard. It's time-consuming. It's not what I planned! It's frustrating. It's deeply humbling. You won't always be in the right. You will have to make intimate sacrifices. You'll see gross things. Other people will see your gross things. I don't know! You name it! Submitting ourselves (making ourselves less) to the "least of these" is sometimes difficult. But it's something to be praised - by the very lips of Jesus. My question is, Who are "the least of these" in my life? In your life? Who are the "least of these?"
Jesus goes on in this passage to talk to the group on his left. He tells them to depart from him. Maybe they hoarded their wealth - may not in money, but in time, talents, and things that they treasured. Or money. Maybe they served one another, but it wasn't in love. Maybe they served, but it was to gain good standing with God. Maybe they served one another, but only because it was convenient at the time. Maybe they served one another, but it was to impress the people around them.
This group is left asking the same question of Jesus, but in their heads, they must have been thinking about it differently. Something like, "I gave money to church, God, I donated more than once. Homeless people need to get a job, I worked hard for my money. You seriously expect me to hug someone that smells? God, I didn't have time for that, you know I didn't. I gave my clothes to Goodwill...when I was done with them, that counts for something. Didn't you see those things God? I deserve some credit here." I catch myself thinking this way. Often. My selfish nature is always trying to pull me back to where I once stood: alone. Self-reliant. Without Jesus.
In the Bible, they ask the same exact question of Jesus. The same one. But it's from a completely different perspective. Jesus replies, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." He tells them to go away. I can't imagine hearing that from Christ. To my knowledge, Jesus has only ever said that to the teachers of the law (because they were selfish, hard-hearted, and cared only about power), and the demons. Sadly, they have to leave him forever, and that breaks my heart. I can't imagine having to leave Jesus, and be separated from him forever.
The little things turn out to be big things. Our love towards others is not evaluated at work, how we act when others aren't looking isn't assessed, but how we think of people that we deem "beneath us" is what is important in Jesus' mind. And now we find out that He's keeping track of how we loved others. "Changing the world", "world peace", "making a difference"...none of these things come in a day or in ourselves. They are found in Jesus alone. And he doesn't ask for a grandiose performance, or for us to look for charity cases; he asks us to commit our lives to him. Learn from him. Serve the lease of these meekly, humbly, and lovingly. Slowly, we evolve into his likeness. It's a long, long, life-long process, but it's what is what Jesus has told us. Because it's what God wants. And we have help along the way.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Panic.
I somehow acquired 12 viruses on my computer this evening, and the first thing I said? "Dad!!!" He's my computer hero. He always saves the day. Turns out all I had to do was run a virus scan, and they would disappear. Sadly, I did not know that. I guess it's because I've never had one. All I saw was a flashing "Warning! Your computer has been infected" sign on my screen, and I was screaming. It was an intense moment to say the least. And, I don't think I'll ever own a Mac, so let's stop saying the word "virus", or it might spread.
I actually haven't felt that kind of panic in a while. At least a month. It was something very silly to start freaking out about, but I got a laptop recently as a graduation gift & I'm in hyper-sensitive mode. I've been wiping it down with Windex & smooth pieces of cloth. You would think it was a small child. And, yes, I've used Windex on small children before. ?? It only took a blinking sign to get me all out of sorts for a full two minutes. The crisis was averted though. Panicky feeling is gone.
I think it's funny how I sometimes function that way. Life will be moving in one direction, something will happen (or not happen), and I'm left saying, "Dad!!!" God is such a patient dad. It's not like there's only a certain number of times we can call on him for help, or in frustration, or in moments of joy, and happiness.
I happen to love birds. I really really like birds, and I love trying to identify them. My MeeMaw used to send my mom "Birds & Blooms" every month - all of the articles were written by, like, eighty year old men and women. I would read that magazine from cover to cover in one sitting, and feel like a million bucks afterward. I love it that the Bible talks about birds, I love it that Matthew talked about birds - I hope that we get to birdwatch together in heaven. Birds were a large part of the Jewish culture because they were required for different things such as covenants or sacrifices. Matthew mentions them in reference to being seen by God:
Matthew 6:26
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
I love it that God is so interested in the things that happen in our lives in the everyday moments. Not just when big things happen to us, the big decisions we have to make, or the big falls that we take, but in the moment to moment things. There is no amount of fame or fortune that can make us more valuable to God - we are already very valuable to him. I think the hard part is not just hearing that, but living that way.
Do I consider myself valuable because he does? Not necessarily. I should, but I don't always. There are moments when I accomplish something, and instead of immediately thanking God, I sort of look at him and say, do you like me more now? Am I worth more now? In my own mind I am, but that is not the mindset of God. We are valuable to him at all times, so much so that he paid a high cost for us: the death of his son. We are of great worth to God. It gives me a great reason not to panic in life. : )
I actually haven't felt that kind of panic in a while. At least a month. It was something very silly to start freaking out about, but I got a laptop recently as a graduation gift & I'm in hyper-sensitive mode. I've been wiping it down with Windex & smooth pieces of cloth. You would think it was a small child. And, yes, I've used Windex on small children before. ?? It only took a blinking sign to get me all out of sorts for a full two minutes. The crisis was averted though. Panicky feeling is gone.
I think it's funny how I sometimes function that way. Life will be moving in one direction, something will happen (or not happen), and I'm left saying, "Dad!!!" God is such a patient dad. It's not like there's only a certain number of times we can call on him for help, or in frustration, or in moments of joy, and happiness.
I happen to love birds. I really really like birds, and I love trying to identify them. My MeeMaw used to send my mom "Birds & Blooms" every month - all of the articles were written by, like, eighty year old men and women. I would read that magazine from cover to cover in one sitting, and feel like a million bucks afterward. I love it that the Bible talks about birds, I love it that Matthew talked about birds - I hope that we get to birdwatch together in heaven. Birds were a large part of the Jewish culture because they were required for different things such as covenants or sacrifices. Matthew mentions them in reference to being seen by God:
Matthew 6:26
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
I love it that God is so interested in the things that happen in our lives in the everyday moments. Not just when big things happen to us, the big decisions we have to make, or the big falls that we take, but in the moment to moment things. There is no amount of fame or fortune that can make us more valuable to God - we are already very valuable to him. I think the hard part is not just hearing that, but living that way.
Do I consider myself valuable because he does? Not necessarily. I should, but I don't always. There are moments when I accomplish something, and instead of immediately thanking God, I sort of look at him and say, do you like me more now? Am I worth more now? In my own mind I am, but that is not the mindset of God. We are valuable to him at all times, so much so that he paid a high cost for us: the death of his son. We are of great worth to God. It gives me a great reason not to panic in life. : )
Down.
My internet has been down for, like, four hours. Ohmygosh, what is the world coming to!?! So now that puts me up at 1:09am, writing away. I had to stop myself from clicking the little Fox-that-is-magically-wrapped-around-the-entire-world button. Like, eight times. I kept going to do the same thing: check my e-mail, check my Facebook, listen to music. Habits. They're hard to die. (Where did that gigantic fox come from anyway? I mean think about the proportions of that Firefox. I know God doesn't wear it as a scarf because, well, God wouldn't do that. For himself anyway. For Adam and Eve he did it.)
Anyway. I digress. "Today" is Sunday, and it was a very relaxing day. I was able to visit with a very dear friend, Jodi, and her two boys Z & T. I have known them for almost 10 years, which is a really long time. What an impact they've had on my life. And, they left me Gassy Gus - only the coolest game ever invented. I show it to every little kid that comes to visit me, and some adults too. You pump his head up and down a handful of times (filling his stomach...a balloon), and it has gas!! Best game ever. Some kids don't think it's that funny. A lot of adults don't either. I just tell them to lighten up. Live a little, right?
That's what I was saying as I was heading down into the basement this weekend on a blanket and a board to hang with some kiddos while my parents, and their amazing small group coaches, got "down" at a Christmas shindig upstairs. Oh man. You should have seen me coming back up. It was well worth it: the change of scenery, the wonderful time babysitting, the laughs. What I'm incredibly thankful for? The ability to relate, just a little bit, to the man who was carried by his friends to see Jesus. I mean, maybe they did laugh on the way there.
I have been so encouraged by the many, many people that have been praying for me in the last month. It's amazing to me how important the people around you are. God designed us to do life together, and it's so evident to me. I think about all of the people who have made the trek to my house, and to the hospital while I was there - I have every single one of my cards hanging on my wall, and have been deeply blessed by the many books, games, and fun coloring pages people have brought me & sent me. But, the most important thing out of everything mentioned is how thankful I am to have so many people praying for me. The only reason that I am able to feel hope & peace right now is because God is a God of grace - he is the one supplying it all. I can't stop saying it; he is the one that deserves the credit. God is writing the story. He deserves the glory.
Nothing can portray this better than what I read moments before my fingers hit the keyboard tonight. I got an e-mail from a sweet, merry friend, one that I have had the pleasure of getting to know over the last year while I've been in Milwaukee. Before I describe her words, I think it's important to say that we shouldn't "rank" one another, or order our illnesses & injuries, sufferings & snares - pain is pain, and I will never put a little kid's cut above or below what I have had to endure. God sees it all, and he wants us to come to him for help. (I learned this, also, from a friend - Kathy taught me to pray with every child that came to me with an injury & it will always stick with me).
The pain that my friend has had to endure for the last few weeks is truly, truly heavy. In her note to me, she talked about how in her anguish and suffering, she was struggling even to breathe. I can't imagine what she was going through in the midst of such deep, intense pain, even though I experienced deep, intense pain recently. She said to me though that within that anguish and suffering, God came to her, and he rescued her. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I started to shiver because it rang so true, it hit home. The same exact theme is stitched into my heart.
It's quite scary to me, in fact, because on the night of my fall, while I was in the hospital, I kept thinking of this song:
Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours
My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne
I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where you are
In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high
I remember laying there in the hospital bed at night, my mom asleep, sobbing & singing this song in my head so as not to wake her, my hands in the air like a child needing to be held. Weeks before I fell, I had sung it, and I had meant it. It's one of my favorites. I still meant it when the morphine was wearing off & my eyes grew tired & I struggled to breathe. He met me in that moment, and he continues to meet me. When we call, he answers. I don't know how to make it more evident to you. And when we sing "My whole life, I place in your hands", we have to be ready when he leads the way.
It's exactly what my friend was describing in her note, in her story. A God who comes to us in the midst. In the midst of it all. Rescuer. Provider of rest. Giver of strength. Intimately investing in us. When we are down and out. When we just feel down. When we fall down. When we're down to our last penny. Even when the sky is falling down. (Thank you, Jay Sean.)
I don't like to perform in front of people - I love singing, but I can't stand performing. With that said, I so wish that you could sit with me right now in this moment. If you don't know this song, Came to My Rescue by Hillsong, I would teach it to you & we could sing it together. The part where it says, "I called, you answered" is long and drawn out, connecting to "I want to be where you are." We would sing it until the silence in between verses was no longer silent, and our voices grew tired of calling.
(And then, we'd sing Jay Sean's "Down". Dani, HJ...I know you'd be with me.)
It's scary to me because it's a reminder of how big God is - the constant movement and knowledge that he has. It goes way beyond me - it extends into different cities, states, countries; it spans across languages, ethnicities, cultures. His listening ears. He hears.
He is working simultaneously in my life, and in my friend's life, and in the lives of her family members. The same theme is woven into our veins. He's working in the lives of the family whose daughter died on the same weekend that I fell; their daughter also fell on accident, but only two more stories farther than I did. She slid down a railing, just messing around on Halloween, fell off & her life ended. He's working in her mom and dad's life. He's working in the life of the man in Grayslake, IL whose dog saved him from a house fire. He's working in the life of the sixth grader who just found out he has a brain tumor by getting a concussion at a football game. He's working in the life of my old neighbor whose daughter was born with heart defects. And these things are happening in Illinois. He's working in the lives of the kids in my city, Milwaukee, some of whom I, embarrassingly, don't know well enough. Those that don't have homes, don't have answers, and don't have a warm place to sleep tonight. About 20,000 of them to be exact - and homeless families are on the rise. He's working in the lives of the family whose 15-year-old was killed by a decorative stone that fell in a parking garage near Lake Michigan because structural problems remain unchecked, year after year. He's working in the pain within the city I'm growing to love.
God is a God of paradoxes; he is both a God of mercy & a God of justice - at the exact same time. I don't understand it, but I'm not called to understand it; I'm called to obey. To go and do likewise, to do as Jesus did. To try to emulate him, and be like him, and follow him, even when I don't understand where He's leading. He works, and He moves, and He never sleeps. He's alive. And right now, what I want most is to slip out of my covers, out of my bed to simply bow down before this God of Mercy, to worship the God whose love I do not deserve. I can't. I can't get down on my knees without getting stuck. Because I don't know how I would get back in bed. But you. You can. You can bow. I'm not going to lie, I'm jealous of you.
In my heart, and in my mind, I fall on my knees before him (slowly and without rocks, of course), but I so look forward to the day when I am physically able to just bow and be. And, I'm thankful that I will have that opportunity because not everyone that I know physically can.
Here's the thing, not only can we bow, but we can follow. Not only can we follow, but we can be a part of what God is doing. Not just in our next-door neighbors' lives, but around the world. Not just around the world, but in our next-door neighbors' lives. Even in the midst of suffering. Even if they cause the suffering. Our brokenness, figuratively and literally is made complete in Jesus. We chose to place our whole lives in his hands - we are the only ones that can choose for ourselves. As he rescued me, he has rescued you. The choice is yours to make - will you bow down? Will you follow? Will you be a part of what God is doing?
After Simeon had prophesied about Jesus in the temple (yesterday),
"The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.
There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem."
God is working in Grayslake, IL, and he's doing good things. He is working in the city of Milwaukee, and I can see and testify to those things. Even when we can't see how he's working, he is. Because he is a God of grace, strength, and power. And, He has invited us to be a part of the process; we can pray. We can act. We too can move. Because we're following him, right? In Milwaukee, I've seen him working through organizations like City on a Hill, which is reaching out to thousands and thousands of people in their community, many of which live in poverty; God's Kidz in the Hood, a home opened up to the homeless & hurting; Hope Investors, one of the only places in the United States to have actual beds for people who have been rescued from sex slavery in America; InterVarsity; so many different churches. I've seen him work in a plate of cookies delivered by a beautiful 2-year-old bringing reconciliation to her neighbors that get mad about parking spaces. I've seen him work in car rides home from Pic N' Save because groceries are heavy, and home is far away. God hears. There is redemption and reconciliation in the Messiah.
The Pharisees thought the Messiah would redeem the actual place called Jerusalem; for gain in structure, politics, class, and money. But, you see, that Jerusalem that Anna was talking about wasn't just the city; eventually its walls came down. There was structural, political, positional, and monetary loss. Jerusalem was God's people. He has extended the invitation, but we are the ones who choose to accept it, or to walk away.
Here's the thing, not only can we bow, but we can follow. Not only can we follow, but we can be a part of what God is doing. Not just around the world, but in our next-door neighbors' lives. Not just in our next-door neighbors' lives, but around the world. Even in the midst of suffering. Even if they cause the suffering. Our brokenness, figuratively and literally is made complete in Jesus. We chose to place our whole lives in his hands - we are the only ones that can choose for ourselves. As he rescued me, he has rescued you. The choice is yours to make - will you bow down? Will you follow? Will you be a part of what God is doing?
Anyway. I digress. "Today" is Sunday, and it was a very relaxing day. I was able to visit with a very dear friend, Jodi, and her two boys Z & T. I have known them for almost 10 years, which is a really long time. What an impact they've had on my life. And, they left me Gassy Gus - only the coolest game ever invented. I show it to every little kid that comes to visit me, and some adults too. You pump his head up and down a handful of times (filling his stomach...a balloon), and it has gas!! Best game ever. Some kids don't think it's that funny. A lot of adults don't either. I just tell them to lighten up. Live a little, right?
That's what I was saying as I was heading down into the basement this weekend on a blanket and a board to hang with some kiddos while my parents, and their amazing small group coaches, got "down" at a Christmas shindig upstairs. Oh man. You should have seen me coming back up. It was well worth it: the change of scenery, the wonderful time babysitting, the laughs. What I'm incredibly thankful for? The ability to relate, just a little bit, to the man who was carried by his friends to see Jesus. I mean, maybe they did laugh on the way there.
I have been so encouraged by the many, many people that have been praying for me in the last month. It's amazing to me how important the people around you are. God designed us to do life together, and it's so evident to me. I think about all of the people who have made the trek to my house, and to the hospital while I was there - I have every single one of my cards hanging on my wall, and have been deeply blessed by the many books, games, and fun coloring pages people have brought me & sent me. But, the most important thing out of everything mentioned is how thankful I am to have so many people praying for me. The only reason that I am able to feel hope & peace right now is because God is a God of grace - he is the one supplying it all. I can't stop saying it; he is the one that deserves the credit. God is writing the story. He deserves the glory.
Nothing can portray this better than what I read moments before my fingers hit the keyboard tonight. I got an e-mail from a sweet, merry friend, one that I have had the pleasure of getting to know over the last year while I've been in Milwaukee. Before I describe her words, I think it's important to say that we shouldn't "rank" one another, or order our illnesses & injuries, sufferings & snares - pain is pain, and I will never put a little kid's cut above or below what I have had to endure. God sees it all, and he wants us to come to him for help. (I learned this, also, from a friend - Kathy taught me to pray with every child that came to me with an injury & it will always stick with me).
The pain that my friend has had to endure for the last few weeks is truly, truly heavy. In her note to me, she talked about how in her anguish and suffering, she was struggling even to breathe. I can't imagine what she was going through in the midst of such deep, intense pain, even though I experienced deep, intense pain recently. She said to me though that within that anguish and suffering, God came to her, and he rescued her. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I started to shiver because it rang so true, it hit home. The same exact theme is stitched into my heart.
It's quite scary to me, in fact, because on the night of my fall, while I was in the hospital, I kept thinking of this song:
Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours
My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne
I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where you are
In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high
I remember laying there in the hospital bed at night, my mom asleep, sobbing & singing this song in my head so as not to wake her, my hands in the air like a child needing to be held. Weeks before I fell, I had sung it, and I had meant it. It's one of my favorites. I still meant it when the morphine was wearing off & my eyes grew tired & I struggled to breathe. He met me in that moment, and he continues to meet me. When we call, he answers. I don't know how to make it more evident to you. And when we sing "My whole life, I place in your hands", we have to be ready when he leads the way.
It's exactly what my friend was describing in her note, in her story. A God who comes to us in the midst. In the midst of it all. Rescuer. Provider of rest. Giver of strength. Intimately investing in us. When we are down and out. When we just feel down. When we fall down. When we're down to our last penny. Even when the sky is falling down. (Thank you, Jay Sean.)
I don't like to perform in front of people - I love singing, but I can't stand performing. With that said, I so wish that you could sit with me right now in this moment. If you don't know this song, Came to My Rescue by Hillsong, I would teach it to you & we could sing it together. The part where it says, "I called, you answered" is long and drawn out, connecting to "I want to be where you are." We would sing it until the silence in between verses was no longer silent, and our voices grew tired of calling.
(And then, we'd sing Jay Sean's "Down". Dani, HJ...I know you'd be with me.)
It's scary to me because it's a reminder of how big God is - the constant movement and knowledge that he has. It goes way beyond me - it extends into different cities, states, countries; it spans across languages, ethnicities, cultures. His listening ears. He hears.
He is working simultaneously in my life, and in my friend's life, and in the lives of her family members. The same theme is woven into our veins. He's working in the lives of the family whose daughter died on the same weekend that I fell; their daughter also fell on accident, but only two more stories farther than I did. She slid down a railing, just messing around on Halloween, fell off & her life ended. He's working in her mom and dad's life. He's working in the life of the man in Grayslake, IL whose dog saved him from a house fire. He's working in the life of the sixth grader who just found out he has a brain tumor by getting a concussion at a football game. He's working in the life of my old neighbor whose daughter was born with heart defects. And these things are happening in Illinois. He's working in the lives of the kids in my city, Milwaukee, some of whom I, embarrassingly, don't know well enough. Those that don't have homes, don't have answers, and don't have a warm place to sleep tonight. About 20,000 of them to be exact - and homeless families are on the rise. He's working in the lives of the family whose 15-year-old was killed by a decorative stone that fell in a parking garage near Lake Michigan because structural problems remain unchecked, year after year. He's working in the pain within the city I'm growing to love.
God is a God of paradoxes; he is both a God of mercy & a God of justice - at the exact same time. I don't understand it, but I'm not called to understand it; I'm called to obey. To go and do likewise, to do as Jesus did. To try to emulate him, and be like him, and follow him, even when I don't understand where He's leading. He works, and He moves, and He never sleeps. He's alive. And right now, what I want most is to slip out of my covers, out of my bed to simply bow down before this God of Mercy, to worship the God whose love I do not deserve. I can't. I can't get down on my knees without getting stuck. Because I don't know how I would get back in bed. But you. You can. You can bow. I'm not going to lie, I'm jealous of you.
In my heart, and in my mind, I fall on my knees before him (slowly and without rocks, of course), but I so look forward to the day when I am physically able to just bow and be. And, I'm thankful that I will have that opportunity because not everyone that I know physically can.
Here's the thing, not only can we bow, but we can follow. Not only can we follow, but we can be a part of what God is doing. Not just in our next-door neighbors' lives, but around the world. Not just around the world, but in our next-door neighbors' lives. Even in the midst of suffering. Even if they cause the suffering. Our brokenness, figuratively and literally is made complete in Jesus. We chose to place our whole lives in his hands - we are the only ones that can choose for ourselves. As he rescued me, he has rescued you. The choice is yours to make - will you bow down? Will you follow? Will you be a part of what God is doing?
After Simeon had prophesied about Jesus in the temple (yesterday),
"The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.
There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem."
God is working in Grayslake, IL, and he's doing good things. He is working in the city of Milwaukee, and I can see and testify to those things. Even when we can't see how he's working, he is. Because he is a God of grace, strength, and power. And, He has invited us to be a part of the process; we can pray. We can act. We too can move. Because we're following him, right? In Milwaukee, I've seen him working through organizations like City on a Hill, which is reaching out to thousands and thousands of people in their community, many of which live in poverty; God's Kidz in the Hood, a home opened up to the homeless & hurting; Hope Investors, one of the only places in the United States to have actual beds for people who have been rescued from sex slavery in America; InterVarsity; so many different churches. I've seen him work in a plate of cookies delivered by a beautiful 2-year-old bringing reconciliation to her neighbors that get mad about parking spaces. I've seen him work in car rides home from Pic N' Save because groceries are heavy, and home is far away. God hears. There is redemption and reconciliation in the Messiah.
The Pharisees thought the Messiah would redeem the actual place called Jerusalem; for gain in structure, politics, class, and money. But, you see, that Jerusalem that Anna was talking about wasn't just the city; eventually its walls came down. There was structural, political, positional, and monetary loss. Jerusalem was God's people. He has extended the invitation, but we are the ones who choose to accept it, or to walk away.
Here's the thing, not only can we bow, but we can follow. Not only can we follow, but we can be a part of what God is doing. Not just around the world, but in our next-door neighbors' lives. Not just in our next-door neighbors' lives, but around the world. Even in the midst of suffering. Even if they cause the suffering. Our brokenness, figuratively and literally is made complete in Jesus. We chose to place our whole lives in his hands - we are the only ones that can choose for ourselves. As he rescued me, he has rescued you. The choice is yours to make - will you bow down? Will you follow? Will you be a part of what God is doing?
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Light.
I'm sitting in the dark. In the pitch dark. I'm in a house that went to bed early this evening, typing away and a light kicked on right as I started blogging. The light is actually coming from our front porch, tucked away on the inside of an evergreen arrangement in a sleigh my dad had as a kid. They cast a beautiful glow right behind a wreath on our front door. I wish I could show you a picture. It's in the simplicity of the decor that I find great beauty.
Not only do I see light this evening, but I feel light. It's the air & the music. Clair De Lune. Debussy's overplayed, yet underappreciated masterpiece. I will forever be indebted to him for the joy that he has brought my soul and my ears. If I could have been the musician at Jesus' birth, I would have played Clair De Lune. Obviously with my traveling piano, and trembling hands.
Part of me wonders what Jesus' manger looked like, and what the star above his manger looked like. He was the Messiah, "the Word made flesh", and I can't help but wonder about his star. It's what brought the wise men to him two years after he was born. So, being a credible researcher, I Googled it. Wikipedia.com (one of the most reliable resources on the internet to date, ahem) has this linked to their site: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sky_Jerusalem_South-7BC-11-12.gif - apparently, we can see what the sky may have looked like! Except I'm a little confused because 7BC would mean Jesus was -7. Reliable, I tell you. Reliable.
You see, I don't envision the star as something that an untrained eye would have noticed. You may disagree with me, (and I wish more people would - if I ever get too big for my britches, it's your job let me know), but I think his star was ordinary. The wise men found Jesus because 1) God was leading them, and 2) They were astronomers. Jesus was humble and plain, even though there was nothing plain about him. The light was in his eyes, and in his heart; a flaming, roaring fire. It never went out. The light is slowly coming back into my bones and shining brighter in my eyes after a long, hard year, but the light was ever-shining, never-waning in Jesus. But I'm left wondering about the light in the sky. If Jesus was born fully God and fully man, what did his star look like? I'll find out on one of the many picture frames on the wall of heaven, but it sure it hard to wait until then.
I attended church this evening with my parents (after getting into the car by myself!) It was a freezing cold night, and I was thankful to be inside of a building. Having to hide underground to go to church would not be fun in Illinois. Or anywhere in the midwest to be quite honest. The sermon tonight was based around light, which helped me to warm up when the wind picked up speed this evening. Our church kicked off a sermon series about how the events surrounding Jesus' birth were prophesied in the Old Testament. I'm looking forward to learning more about it because I think that there is so much assurance to be found in in the ancient writings.
I've always loved old things, and my sisters do too. I can walk into an antique store, and always find something. It fascinates me when I'm holding something old - I can't help but think about the hands that have touched things before me. The thing about the Old Testament is that even though it is thousands and thousands of years old, it's still alive. It's not an antique. The words were birthed by the breath of God. And, every single one of the prophesies about the Messiah were fulfilled in Jesus. It's such an exciting thing! Indescribable actually.
The Old Testament is the first chunk of the Bible, everything up until Jesus was born. From Genesis to Exodus there are 39 different books, the Jewish Torah is the first five. This idea of light is woven in from the very very beginning: Genesis 1:3&4, "And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness."
There is light in Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, 1 & 2 Samuel, 1 Kings, 2 Chronicles, Ezra, (I'd never heard this one before: “But now, for a brief moment, the LORD our God has been gracious in leaving us a remnant and giving us a firm place in his sanctuary, and so our God gives light to our eyes and a little relief in our bondage." Ezra 9:8), Nehemiah, Job (there is a lot of light in Job...a lot of lack light in Job...and then some light again), Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Amos, Micah, Zechariah, aaaaaaaaaaaaand Malachi! Phew! And! There's lightning in several others. I BibleGatewayed it. Love that website.
God is a God of light. He loves light, I think. He is light. A bajillion, quadrillion, mahmillion times brighter than the sun. One of my favorite lines comes from the song Indescrible: "Who imagined the sun, and gives source to its light?" Jesus reflected his Father's light. He brought that light into a world that desperately needed it., and still does He brought it into a life that desperately needed it. Mine. A Gentile. A sinner. I am on an unfamiliar path right now, not just because my legs are broken; I have felt this way for quite some time. I live in the world.
Prophecy:
Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
But I am so thankful for this Jesus. Even along an unfamiliar path, I find my darkness being turn to light, and the rough places being made smooth. I'm thankful for the fierce light that Jesus faithfully carried, unselfishly laying his own life down for mine. Even though I have never seen him, I have seen and felt the light that he carried. Simeon says it well in Luke 2:29-32 (And so you know who Simeon is...he was an elderly Jewish man who not only upheld the Jewish traditions, he also loved God with all that he had - this was why the Holy Spirit was on him. As we discussed in church tonight, the Holy Spirit was alive and at work even before Jesus sent it to dwell in his followers...it was upon Simeon because of love.)
Fulfillment:
(Luke 2: 25-28) Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:
“Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you may now dismiss your servant in peace.
For my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:
a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
and the glory of your people Israel.”
Thank you, Father for your light, and thank you for revealing it to us, Jews and Gentiles alike. You are a God who fulfills his promises. You are indescribable.
Not only do I see light this evening, but I feel light. It's the air & the music. Clair De Lune. Debussy's overplayed, yet underappreciated masterpiece. I will forever be indebted to him for the joy that he has brought my soul and my ears. If I could have been the musician at Jesus' birth, I would have played Clair De Lune. Obviously with my traveling piano, and trembling hands.
Part of me wonders what Jesus' manger looked like, and what the star above his manger looked like. He was the Messiah, "the Word made flesh", and I can't help but wonder about his star. It's what brought the wise men to him two years after he was born. So, being a credible researcher, I Googled it. Wikipedia.com (one of the most reliable resources on the internet to date, ahem) has this linked to their site: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sky_Jerusalem_South-7BC-11-12.gif - apparently, we can see what the sky may have looked like! Except I'm a little confused because 7BC would mean Jesus was -7. Reliable, I tell you. Reliable.
You see, I don't envision the star as something that an untrained eye would have noticed. You may disagree with me, (and I wish more people would - if I ever get too big for my britches, it's your job let me know), but I think his star was ordinary. The wise men found Jesus because 1) God was leading them, and 2) They were astronomers. Jesus was humble and plain, even though there was nothing plain about him. The light was in his eyes, and in his heart; a flaming, roaring fire. It never went out. The light is slowly coming back into my bones and shining brighter in my eyes after a long, hard year, but the light was ever-shining, never-waning in Jesus. But I'm left wondering about the light in the sky. If Jesus was born fully God and fully man, what did his star look like? I'll find out on one of the many picture frames on the wall of heaven, but it sure it hard to wait until then.
I attended church this evening with my parents (after getting into the car by myself!) It was a freezing cold night, and I was thankful to be inside of a building. Having to hide underground to go to church would not be fun in Illinois. Or anywhere in the midwest to be quite honest. The sermon tonight was based around light, which helped me to warm up when the wind picked up speed this evening. Our church kicked off a sermon series about how the events surrounding Jesus' birth were prophesied in the Old Testament. I'm looking forward to learning more about it because I think that there is so much assurance to be found in in the ancient writings.
I've always loved old things, and my sisters do too. I can walk into an antique store, and always find something. It fascinates me when I'm holding something old - I can't help but think about the hands that have touched things before me. The thing about the Old Testament is that even though it is thousands and thousands of years old, it's still alive. It's not an antique. The words were birthed by the breath of God. And, every single one of the prophesies about the Messiah were fulfilled in Jesus. It's such an exciting thing! Indescribable actually.
The Old Testament is the first chunk of the Bible, everything up until Jesus was born. From Genesis to Exodus there are 39 different books, the Jewish Torah is the first five. This idea of light is woven in from the very very beginning: Genesis 1:3&4, "And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness."
There is light in Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, 1 & 2 Samuel, 1 Kings, 2 Chronicles, Ezra, (I'd never heard this one before: “But now, for a brief moment, the LORD our God has been gracious in leaving us a remnant and giving us a firm place in his sanctuary, and so our God gives light to our eyes and a little relief in our bondage." Ezra 9:8), Nehemiah, Job (there is a lot of light in Job...a lot of lack light in Job...and then some light again), Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Daniel, Amos, Micah, Zechariah, aaaaaaaaaaaaand Malachi! Phew! And! There's lightning in several others. I BibleGatewayed it. Love that website.
God is a God of light. He loves light, I think. He is light. A bajillion, quadrillion, mahmillion times brighter than the sun. One of my favorite lines comes from the song Indescrible: "Who imagined the sun, and gives source to its light?" Jesus reflected his Father's light. He brought that light into a world that desperately needed it., and still does He brought it into a life that desperately needed it. Mine. A Gentile. A sinner. I am on an unfamiliar path right now, not just because my legs are broken; I have felt this way for quite some time. I live in the world.
Prophecy:
Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
But I am so thankful for this Jesus. Even along an unfamiliar path, I find my darkness being turn to light, and the rough places being made smooth. I'm thankful for the fierce light that Jesus faithfully carried, unselfishly laying his own life down for mine. Even though I have never seen him, I have seen and felt the light that he carried. Simeon says it well in Luke 2:29-32 (And so you know who Simeon is...he was an elderly Jewish man who not only upheld the Jewish traditions, he also loved God with all that he had - this was why the Holy Spirit was on him. As we discussed in church tonight, the Holy Spirit was alive and at work even before Jesus sent it to dwell in his followers...it was upon Simeon because of love.)
Fulfillment:
(Luke 2: 25-28) Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:
“Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
you may now dismiss your servant in peace.
For my eyes have seen your salvation,
which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:
a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
and the glory of your people Israel.”
Thank you, Father for your light, and thank you for revealing it to us, Jews and Gentiles alike. You are a God who fulfills his promises. You are indescribable.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Fragrance.
They say that smell is the sense that is most tied to your memory. We are entering into a season where there are many different things that jog our memories. Trees, cookies, candles, smoke from the fireplace, foods, drink (go soy eggnog!), a crisp winter day...you name it. For some, these fragrances and memories are wonderful and filled with joy. For others, smells may bring feelings of sorrow or sadness. The next month or so is filled with different kinds of emotions.
As some of you may know, I currently inhabit my parents' dining room. In this room is a hutch, and there is a drawer that is filled with candles. It's sort of like the go-to drawer when it comes to candles in our house. Hence, it smells really really good when you are near it, like a magical box that leads to Narnia. If one could fit in a drawer...?? And, when you open it - oh man. It smells so good! My mom has opened it several times to put candles around the house for Christmas, and every time I just sit there, close my eyes, and soak up the wonderful smell. It sounds really dorky, but the fragrance of these candles is so beautiful.
While my parents were at a pot-luck tonight, I had to go to the bathroom. This puts my sixteen-year-old sisters in charge of me going to the bathroom. : ) They are so stinkin' cute, and they take such good care of me, but this happens to be their least favorite job. So, one of them came in, and cheerfully helped me up onto the toilet. Then she found out that I had to go poop. All of a sudden, things changed. She literally couldn't go any further without feeling like she had to throw up. And she probably would have, so I just shooed her out. Other fragrances started to inhabit my room until my amazing, wonderful, strong mother got home to rescue me.
I mean, maybe Christmas, candles, and poop aren't your thing. Maybe it's the outdoors or the smell of a baby's head. Maybe it's Dr. Pepper lip gloss or gasoline. Maybe it's the smell of burning leaves or wood stain. Your house, your grandma's house, your car, your garage. Fragrance really impacts how we feel and function as human beings. It can create a sense of calm, or it can create a sense of panic. Or, in my case disgust and vomiting brought on by bodily functions that I talk way too much about.
I was watching a few video interviews today with Shane Claibourne in them, and got to thinking about this idea of fragrance. Shane is a Christian (in the interview they called him a "new type of Christian", but I disagree. I think a lot of people have been living their lifestyles like Jesus did for a long time - they are just not always well-known or documented people.) He lives his life radically, purposefully, and Jesusfully. To me, he is someone that has the fragrance of Christ just dripping from his heart and his body because he lives meekly, and walks humbly, but has confidence in his identity with Jesus. He brings this marriage to light, the marriage of meeting the physical needs of the people around us, and sharing the hope found in Jesus. The hope found in Jesus is found in both actions and words. Shane called them, "two different sides of the same coin." Sometimes in the church, I think we get caught up in one or the other, losing the balance found in the Holy Spirit
Before I moved back to Illinois, I lived in an intentional community with a family of three wonderful people. Jen, Chad & HJ (we'll call her HJ in case there are any creepy people reading right now. Like me...you'll see why in a sec.) My housemate, Jen, has the most amazing perfume...I'm always making her uncomfortable by saying how much I like it. She would let me wear it if I asked, but it doesn't smell the same on me. I smell like a poser. She doesn't know this (or maybe she does) but when she's not looking, sometimes I'll just stand by her creepily and sniff. It's WEIRD, I know, but I'm drawn to her because she smells so good! When it comes to being a Christian, this is how it should be. Creepers like me should be coming up to us and sniffin' our hair, right?! I think that each person has a fragrance. Many people are turned off by Christians because there is a stench coming from their hearts; they do not have the fragrance of Christ covering them, and some people are drawn to Christians because they smell like Jesus.
The Bible even talks about fragrance.
Song of Solomon 2:13 says, The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”
This is the second time I've listed a verse about a fig tree. You wanna know something? I have no. clue. what the significance of a fig tree is. None, whatsoever. I think it's time for me to do a little research on fig trees.
The book Song of Solomon in the Bible is a book that tells the story of a lover, and a beloved, and their friends - a bride and a groom. It is a deeply intimate, and deeply descriptive picture of two people in love, and it's often rated PG-13. Maybe even R for sexual content. Sometimes I read things and I blush because it is so intimate. (For those of you who have never read Song of Solomon, the sexual content is found between a married couple, thus making it Biblical and sacred - there are also verses for people like me, who are single: "Daughters [I would just say all single people] of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and does of the fields, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." - 2:7...FYI) There are many things to be found that can be applied to people who are in a relationship, and who are not in a relationship. I've also heard of the book as an illustration of Christ's love for his church. The church is often referred to as the Bride of Christ because of Jesus' love, sacrifice, and servant-heart towards it.
Being a part of the church, I can selfishly think of this image: me and Jesus are laying beneath a fig tree (which, obviously smells pretty good. Neither of us have farted yet.) We look at each other, and all of sudden he says, "Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me." Talk about getting my heart racing - I mean following Jesus is exciting! [For men, I don't know what you could picture him saying if you don't like being called beautiful...let's try something like, "Brother, come, you wilderness officianado, you're awesome, you rugged-looking young whippersnapper, come follow me, bro." : )
So when I read that verse, I realized that I am not a creeper! I'm invited to follow him! I can stop trying to sniff out what the deal is - I'm invited to the party! I've really been challenged in the last couple of years to think about what Jesus is inviting me to come and do. I think my ideas of what that looks like have been very self, comfort, and culture-based, but he invites us to do more than what we are able to even wrap our heads around. He invites us to follow him. Smells good to me.
Where do you think he will lead next?
As some of you may know, I currently inhabit my parents' dining room. In this room is a hutch, and there is a drawer that is filled with candles. It's sort of like the go-to drawer when it comes to candles in our house. Hence, it smells really really good when you are near it, like a magical box that leads to Narnia. If one could fit in a drawer...?? And, when you open it - oh man. It smells so good! My mom has opened it several times to put candles around the house for Christmas, and every time I just sit there, close my eyes, and soak up the wonderful smell. It sounds really dorky, but the fragrance of these candles is so beautiful.
While my parents were at a pot-luck tonight, I had to go to the bathroom. This puts my sixteen-year-old sisters in charge of me going to the bathroom. : ) They are so stinkin' cute, and they take such good care of me, but this happens to be their least favorite job. So, one of them came in, and cheerfully helped me up onto the toilet. Then she found out that I had to go poop. All of a sudden, things changed. She literally couldn't go any further without feeling like she had to throw up. And she probably would have, so I just shooed her out. Other fragrances started to inhabit my room until my amazing, wonderful, strong mother got home to rescue me.
I mean, maybe Christmas, candles, and poop aren't your thing. Maybe it's the outdoors or the smell of a baby's head. Maybe it's Dr. Pepper lip gloss or gasoline. Maybe it's the smell of burning leaves or wood stain. Your house, your grandma's house, your car, your garage. Fragrance really impacts how we feel and function as human beings. It can create a sense of calm, or it can create a sense of panic. Or, in my case disgust and vomiting brought on by bodily functions that I talk way too much about.
I was watching a few video interviews today with Shane Claibourne in them, and got to thinking about this idea of fragrance. Shane is a Christian (in the interview they called him a "new type of Christian", but I disagree. I think a lot of people have been living their lifestyles like Jesus did for a long time - they are just not always well-known or documented people.) He lives his life radically, purposefully, and Jesusfully. To me, he is someone that has the fragrance of Christ just dripping from his heart and his body because he lives meekly, and walks humbly, but has confidence in his identity with Jesus. He brings this marriage to light, the marriage of meeting the physical needs of the people around us, and sharing the hope found in Jesus. The hope found in Jesus is found in both actions and words. Shane called them, "two different sides of the same coin." Sometimes in the church, I think we get caught up in one or the other, losing the balance found in the Holy Spirit
Before I moved back to Illinois, I lived in an intentional community with a family of three wonderful people. Jen, Chad & HJ (we'll call her HJ in case there are any creepy people reading right now. Like me...you'll see why in a sec.) My housemate, Jen, has the most amazing perfume...I'm always making her uncomfortable by saying how much I like it. She would let me wear it if I asked, but it doesn't smell the same on me. I smell like a poser. She doesn't know this (or maybe she does) but when she's not looking, sometimes I'll just stand by her creepily and sniff. It's WEIRD, I know, but I'm drawn to her because she smells so good! When it comes to being a Christian, this is how it should be. Creepers like me should be coming up to us and sniffin' our hair, right?! I think that each person has a fragrance. Many people are turned off by Christians because there is a stench coming from their hearts; they do not have the fragrance of Christ covering them, and some people are drawn to Christians because they smell like Jesus.
The Bible even talks about fragrance.
Song of Solomon 2:13 says, The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”
This is the second time I've listed a verse about a fig tree. You wanna know something? I have no. clue. what the significance of a fig tree is. None, whatsoever. I think it's time for me to do a little research on fig trees.
The book Song of Solomon in the Bible is a book that tells the story of a lover, and a beloved, and their friends - a bride and a groom. It is a deeply intimate, and deeply descriptive picture of two people in love, and it's often rated PG-13. Maybe even R for sexual content. Sometimes I read things and I blush because it is so intimate. (For those of you who have never read Song of Solomon, the sexual content is found between a married couple, thus making it Biblical and sacred - there are also verses for people like me, who are single: "Daughters [I would just say all single people] of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and does of the fields, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." - 2:7...FYI) There are many things to be found that can be applied to people who are in a relationship, and who are not in a relationship. I've also heard of the book as an illustration of Christ's love for his church. The church is often referred to as the Bride of Christ because of Jesus' love, sacrifice, and servant-heart towards it.
Being a part of the church, I can selfishly think of this image: me and Jesus are laying beneath a fig tree (which, obviously smells pretty good. Neither of us have farted yet.) We look at each other, and all of sudden he says, "Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me." Talk about getting my heart racing - I mean following Jesus is exciting! [For men, I don't know what you could picture him saying if you don't like being called beautiful...let's try something like, "Brother, come, you wilderness officianado, you're awesome, you rugged-looking young whippersnapper, come follow me, bro." : )
So when I read that verse, I realized that I am not a creeper! I'm invited to follow him! I can stop trying to sniff out what the deal is - I'm invited to the party! I've really been challenged in the last couple of years to think about what Jesus is inviting me to come and do. I think my ideas of what that looks like have been very self, comfort, and culture-based, but he invites us to do more than what we are able to even wrap our heads around. He invites us to follow him. Smells good to me.
Where do you think he will lead next?
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Fix.
One of my many nicknames is Flounder. I was actually just called it as my parents headed up to bed. "'Night, Flounder!" Who knows where it comes from. Probably The Little Mermaid. I love the nickname, and I think that all of the nicknames my family has for one another bring smiles to our faces because they are meant out of love. Squirt, Peanut, Pumpkin, Goober, Mr. Man, Mama, Louise. It's like our hidden code, a secret language.
Hearing the word flounder brought a lot of things to my mind tonight though. Not because it's a nickname, but the visualization it brings, especially after watching Finding Nemo yesterday. (You know, the scene where he can't find the fish because they are hidden opposite his eyes?) Sometimes I feel like I've floundered around in my life. I've been thinking a lot this week about the idea of focus, probably because that was the main point of the sermon last Sunday. Justin, the youth pastor at Springbrook (which is where I'm currently attending) talked about the importance of what we focus on in life. It becomes a deep, deep part of who we are. I have often been made fun of in my lifetime because I have this inability to focus at the "right" time or on the "right" things.
(I also have an inability to control myself in situations which a) I am nervous or uncomfortable, b) I am excited, or c) I'm really really tired. I talk incessantly, and I can't stop. Maybe everybody does this, but at some point I say something stupid, and then am pegged with that stupid comment for a while by people who have really good memories. I don't happen to have a good memory. I think it's because I put things out of my brain for a reason. Example A: Dancing in casts on my bed. I'm nervous, uncomfortable, excited, or tired quite often.) Which is why writing a blog is humbling. I have this fear of being misinterpreted or misunderstood.
But, I'm not writing for me. I'm not writing for release or for therapy, I'm writing because I want to point to a bigger picture, paint a bigger picture. Dictionary.com says that focus means, "a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity." I want all attraction, attention, and activity in my life to be on Jesus, and I want other people to see Him when they see me.
2 Corinthians 4:17 & 18
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Light and momentary troubles can sometimes be felt as heavy and permanent. I've got one month down, but I still have two or more to go. The troubles that we face in life refine us as human beings, but in the moment it's hard to look to what is unseen. The important piece in the equation is not just believing in ourselves - I've heard that too many times in my life & it has never worked for me; it is not enough to fix our eyes on good Things. Family, provision, doing good, serving the community; these are all very good things, but they are still not enough. The important piece is where we fix our eyes; they must be on Jesus. Rerouting our eyeballs and our bodies and our brains to see what isn't seen.
Multi-tasking is highly valued in our culture today. I mean, eating while driving while talking on your phone while driving while looking in the mirror while driving. I've done it. Don't even lie to me, I know you have too. Watching T.V. and playing with the kids and having an important conversation with the spouse. I've seen it done. Checking your voicemail while checking your e-mail while checking your Facebook while checking your text inbox. Smoothing over an issue at work while dealing with deep interpersonal issues while dealing with the issues of the people around you. You name it. And it's valued. In fact, if you can't do it, then you are most likely out of the game. You are considered a failure.
Troubles look different for everyone. Fixing our eyes is a lot of work, especially in our culture. It's hard for me to focus, to fix upon. Really really hard. While I read my Bible, my computer & my cell phone call my name. When I pray, my mind can wander aimlessly for many minutes. While my mom is trying to talk to me, the movie I paused or the book I put down calls my name. When I fix my eyes on Jesus, romance & pessimism & pain & money & disappointment & fear & pride & position & status call my name. Sometimes quite loudly. But, by the grace of God, they remain on him still. And when I look away, he cups my face & gently turns me back towards him.
I've been full of songs lately...here's yet another:
Fix your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.
Hearing the word flounder brought a lot of things to my mind tonight though. Not because it's a nickname, but the visualization it brings, especially after watching Finding Nemo yesterday. (You know, the scene where he can't find the fish because they are hidden opposite his eyes?) Sometimes I feel like I've floundered around in my life. I've been thinking a lot this week about the idea of focus, probably because that was the main point of the sermon last Sunday. Justin, the youth pastor at Springbrook (which is where I'm currently attending) talked about the importance of what we focus on in life. It becomes a deep, deep part of who we are. I have often been made fun of in my lifetime because I have this inability to focus at the "right" time or on the "right" things.
(I also have an inability to control myself in situations which a) I am nervous or uncomfortable, b) I am excited, or c) I'm really really tired. I talk incessantly, and I can't stop. Maybe everybody does this, but at some point I say something stupid, and then am pegged with that stupid comment for a while by people who have really good memories. I don't happen to have a good memory. I think it's because I put things out of my brain for a reason. Example A: Dancing in casts on my bed. I'm nervous, uncomfortable, excited, or tired quite often.) Which is why writing a blog is humbling. I have this fear of being misinterpreted or misunderstood.
But, I'm not writing for me. I'm not writing for release or for therapy, I'm writing because I want to point to a bigger picture, paint a bigger picture. Dictionary.com says that focus means, "a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity." I want all attraction, attention, and activity in my life to be on Jesus, and I want other people to see Him when they see me.
2 Corinthians 4:17 & 18
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Light and momentary troubles can sometimes be felt as heavy and permanent. I've got one month down, but I still have two or more to go. The troubles that we face in life refine us as human beings, but in the moment it's hard to look to what is unseen. The important piece in the equation is not just believing in ourselves - I've heard that too many times in my life & it has never worked for me; it is not enough to fix our eyes on good Things. Family, provision, doing good, serving the community; these are all very good things, but they are still not enough. The important piece is where we fix our eyes; they must be on Jesus. Rerouting our eyeballs and our bodies and our brains to see what isn't seen.
Multi-tasking is highly valued in our culture today. I mean, eating while driving while talking on your phone while driving while looking in the mirror while driving. I've done it. Don't even lie to me, I know you have too. Watching T.V. and playing with the kids and having an important conversation with the spouse. I've seen it done. Checking your voicemail while checking your e-mail while checking your Facebook while checking your text inbox. Smoothing over an issue at work while dealing with deep interpersonal issues while dealing with the issues of the people around you. You name it. And it's valued. In fact, if you can't do it, then you are most likely out of the game. You are considered a failure.
Troubles look different for everyone. Fixing our eyes is a lot of work, especially in our culture. It's hard for me to focus, to fix upon. Really really hard. While I read my Bible, my computer & my cell phone call my name. When I pray, my mind can wander aimlessly for many minutes. While my mom is trying to talk to me, the movie I paused or the book I put down calls my name. When I fix my eyes on Jesus, romance & pessimism & pain & money & disappointment & fear & pride & position & status call my name. Sometimes quite loudly. But, by the grace of God, they remain on him still. And when I look away, he cups my face & gently turns me back towards him.
I've been full of songs lately...here's yet another:
Fix your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.
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